Jacqueline Farrington joins Yo to discuss Strategic Presence, Authenticity, and Connection based on her new book: The Non-Obvious Guide to Better Presentations: How to Present Like a Pro (Virtually or in Person).
There are so many gems that Jacqueline offers us about tuning into our audiences and connecting with what they want. Here’s one of her quotes: “Communication is all about intent. We need to ask ourselves: What is my intention to help support my audience? How do I want them to feel?”
Here are the 3 Takeaways:
1. Strategic Presence is about adapting to how you show up in the room – we need to be flexible and agile.
2. Finding your voice is about getting into the arena and it can be uncomfortable but there are ways to prepare for that.
3. Listening and curiosity gets the attention off ourselves and questions are a low risk way to contributing to a meeting.
We hope you’ll enjoy this episode!
As mentioned in the episode:
Jacqueline’s book, The Non-Obvious Guide to Better Presentations
More about Jacqueline:
Jacqueline Farrington has over 20 years’ experience as a change maker, empowering leaders and their teams to spark transformation and innovation through communications. Known for her direct yet supportive and science-backed approach, Jacqueline works with senior and board-level leaders at multinationals such as Amazon and Microsoft. She blends her experience in the performing arts, vocal pedagogy, communications, psychology, and organizational and executive coaching to help her clients find unique communication solutions. Jacqueline’s new book, The Non-Obvious Guide to Better Presentations: How to Present Like a Pro (Virtually or in Person), provides actionable, practical concepts, tips, and tools to improve any speech or presentation.
Ways you can contact Jacqueline:
Email:
Website:
https://farringtonpartners.com/
Twitter: @farringtonic
Ways to reach Yo:
Public FB group: Girl, Take the Lead!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/272025931481748/?ref=share
IG:
https://www.instagram.com/yocanny
LinkedIn:
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Welcome to episode 85 of Girl Take the Lead for Each week we
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explore womanhood and leadership.
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And I'm your host, Yo Canny. Today we are joined by our guest
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Jacqueline Farrington to discuss strategic presence, authenticity
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and connection based on her new book The Non Obvious Guy, to
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better presentations or how to present Like a Pro Virtually or
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in person. You may remember our very first
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episode about voice titled Wait I Can Sound Wimpy.
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This conversation with Jacqueline takes that episode a
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bit further. We had a lot of fun discussing
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some very important communication issues.
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I really liked when we talked about treating a phone like a
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teleprompter and how to connect with audiences when doing so.
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Plus, she's given some thought to working with a bully in a
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meeting trying to shut you down. Here's a bit about Jacqueline's
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background. She has over 20 years experience
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as a change maker, empowering leaders and their teams to spark
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transformation and innovation through communications.
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Known for her direct yet supportive and science backed
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approach, Jacqueline works with senior and board level leaders
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at multinationals such as Amazon and Microsoft.
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She blends her experience in the performing arts, communications,
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psychology and organizational and executive coaching to help
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her clients find unique communication solutions, and
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she's offered us some in this episode.
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We hope you'll enjoy the listen. Here you go, Jacqueline.
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Welcome to Girl Take The Lead. We are so darn excited to have
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you with us. And I can't wait to talk to you
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about voice and leadership and strategic presence.
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Oh, it's going to be a juicy one.
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So thank you for being here. Thank you so much for having me.
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It's great to be here. Yeah.
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So why don't we start with you just introducing yourself to the
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listeners so that they know a little bit about your
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background? Sure, I'm a coach and
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consultant. Who works at the intersection of
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leadership, communications, change.
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And what that means is that I I support leaders in delivering
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transformative change so that that has a deep impact on on
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their teams and their organizations and and the world.
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That sounds great and I think a lot of your your background too
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has been about helping people present better and have a
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stronger presence. Is that right?
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Yes, because the when I say the intersection of communications,
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leadership and change, you really you can't be a good
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leader if you're not a good communicator and you leaders are
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so often asked to deliver change.
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But you can't deliver change unless you can communicate that
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and communicate it in a way that helps people feel motivated to
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adopt the change. Yeah, now you do have your book,
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and we'll have a link to that in the show notes.
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And why don't you tell our listeners a little bit about
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your book? Cuz I know it helps.
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As you said, coach others and work with your clients.
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Well, the book I it's funny, it's a little surprising with
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the book I I started to write it for kind of a banal reason,
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which was it was the pandemic and everyone was scrambling to
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translate from in person communications to virtual.
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And so I started to write it and then realized it was a a great
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tool and guide for my executive coaching clients.
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As they think about communications, it's called the
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Non Obvious Guide to Better Presentations.
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But I think you'll find as you read through it that it it just
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has a ton of tips in it for communicating in general that
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that you could use in it in a team meeting or even one-on-one
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community. And and I love the title, The
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Non Obvious Guide. That means that there's a lot of
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hidden gems in there and things that we can pull from it.
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I imagine. Is that is that kind of what you
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were thinking when you named it? So the non obvious guides are
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it's a series of of books and the the gentleman who started
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them he was a bit frustrated with with the How to books out
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on the market. He felt like the Harvard
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Business Review books were a little too cerebral, and he felt
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like the Dummies series. Condescended to their audiences.
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They were too dumb and he wanted something in between.
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And so he markets them as a something that is written for
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intelligent people who already have some knowledge of of the
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topic, but they also appreciate slightly irreverent approach and
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irreverent humor and yeah, so, So that's the, the frame of the
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book. Yeah, that seems like, well, it
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should all be fun and entertaining to to grab
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attention. And I think that's terrific that
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you kind of went down that path. And we started our episode
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talking a little bit about strategic presence.
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And I'd love to hear your thoughts about what that is and
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how leaders can use that. Yeah, I think of strategic
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presence as adapting how you show up in the room, changing
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your presence in the room in order to help that audience hear
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your message. So always start with the
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question, who is my audience and what message do I need them to
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hear? And in order for this particular
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audience to hear this particular message, how do I need to show
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up in the room? And so it sounds a little bit
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like authenticity plays a role, being able to adapt to the
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situation, like having flexibility.
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It isn't like I I think sometimes we can get stuck in
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our own style. Like I'm supposed to be this
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particular kind of leader. So I'm not going to change it.
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But it sounds like you're really saying that we need to be
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flexible. Yeah, especially in in this
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world where we have so much changing, rapid change, volatile
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change, We've got to be flexible and and agile in our approach.
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That's a great word. And you know, one of the things
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that we've worked a lot with on our podcast, and one of the key
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reasons I did this podcast was to help other women find their
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voice. And I wonder if you have
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anything to say about that in, in helping all of us, you know,
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deliver. It's just like we get caught up
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in the emotion of what am I going to say, how am I going to
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say it, am I going to be accepted, all of that?
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What are things that you can help us with when it comes to
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that? Finding your voice means getting
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into the arena, and getting into the arena is not comfortable
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because you're in it, you're in the arena.
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And the way that you can successfully engage in the arena
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is to give yourself opportunities to to slowly put
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put your toe in first, then then put maybe half of your foot,
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then then your full foot in there.
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I also think it's important to prepare for being in the arena
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before you get in there. So for example, thinking about
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how do I? If I if I think that the arena
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is going to be high challenge high stakes kind of scary how do
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I prepare for that in in advance.
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And one of the ways you can do that is to simulate that stress
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before you go in to simulate maybe even failure.
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Putting yourself into a situation where you you might
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fail. I I had this client once.
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Who she decided she She was terrified of public speaking,
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and she decided one of the way she was going to overcome this
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is that every time she ordered coffee at Starbucks, she was
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going to give some weird name to to the what?
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What's the barista? The barista thank you to the
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barista and literally worked her way through the Bible with names
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that even pronounce. And at first it was really scary
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to her to do that. She was an off the charts
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introvert, really scary. But then she started having fun
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doing it, and that's just a low risk way of putting your big toe
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in the water. Yeah.
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Well, I can see how anticipating an important meeting or
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something that you've been invited to and trying to think
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of what are aspects that are important to you about that
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meeting and what's important to the leadership in that meeting
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and helping the goals get keep moving ahead, like being able to
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provide insights that maybe nobody else can see in the
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moment, right. And being able to talk about
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them. I also think it's a good idea to
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go last in the room because it allows you to have heard
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everyone else is concerned, so that's a good idea.
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I'm a bit of a research nerd and there's research on that, that
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if you're nervous, go first or go as close to the beginning as
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possible, because otherwise you'll sit there and feel, yeah.
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That said, what I think what you're what you've landed on is
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this idea of listening and curiosity.
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Which gets our attention off of ourselves.
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I often see younger leaders when when they're in a meeting and
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they're thinking, I've got to speak up, I've got to find my
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voice and I've got to speak up. And I need to add something
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that's really insightful, that adds value.
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Well, where is their attention when they're thinking that it's
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all on themselves and they become hyper critical of what
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they're doing, how they're coming across, whereas if they
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if they switch that frame. And they think about how do I
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listen to what's going on to the room, How am I curious about
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what I'm hearing? And then to your point, what's a
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question that I can ask. So you think about starting
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small questions are a small way of contributing our voices to
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meetings that are a little lower risk.
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And in fact, what I what I tell my younger clients is think
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about asking. A question about the mundane or
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the obvious. And I'm thinking it probably
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gives your voice a chance to, you know, sometimes when those
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nerves are in your throat and your voice sounds like you're
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about to cry in like a second, you know, just because you're
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not used to it. Can you say a little bit about
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where you got those numbers? Then once you get the answer,
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you can drill down into the answer.
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And that's possibly going to start getting you out of
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thinking about yourself, but also thinking about asking more
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astute questions. And I I see this in in younger
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leaders as well. You know that it's it's not
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comfortable, it's all the nerves are there.
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But I think by beginning with a little something and then you
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know, like a question or you know where did you know, how can
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we support that, what it, you know, what would be good for the
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team to to deliver If this is the issue we're addressing, that
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might be a good way just to get the air, the breath back into
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your body, right? Yes, getting your attention off
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of yourself, onto other people, onto the content, onto the room
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around you, and also one of my favorite.
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Tools to use is is called affect labeling or also known as name
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it to tame it. And that's where all all you do
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is name how you're feeling. I'm feeling nervous, I'm feeling
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frightened, I'm feeling intimidated, I'm feeling angry,
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frustrated, whatever the emotion is, but naming it.
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And we know that when we name it, you can do it silently to
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yourself. It activates the brain's control
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systems, the impulse control part of the of the brain.
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Which it's counterintuitive, but it dampens the emotion.
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Which doesn't seem like it would if we would say, oh, I'm feeling
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angry, I'm feeling frustrated, but it dampens the emotion and
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then allows us to speak from a a calmer place or to make
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decisions from better focus and greater calm.
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Oh, that makes a lot of sense. One topic that we've addressed
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quite a bit, because I know that a lot of my listeners have to
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deal with this one, is like bullies in the room.
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And then also like almost having a surprise attack, like somebody
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says something that they know will put you on the defense.
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And I know we are in charge of our own emotions and our
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decision to react defensively or listen however we listen is is
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something. But there are people in meetings
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who kind of play this role of I've got the power you don't and
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how we deal with that. You know, I've, I've called it a
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surprise attack. What we do in those moments to
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find our voice and to stand our ground.
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I I don't know, Jacqueline, if there's an answer we can give
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our our listeners, but I know that a lot of them have that
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issue, how to deal with these difficult situations.
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Yeah, it's tough you're you're in the arena and it's tough that
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people can throw surprise punches, life can throw surprise
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punches. And again, I think we prepare
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for being in in the arena before we ever go in there.
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If you look at a tool like Name its Tainment that that can
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really help you in those surprise punch moments.
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To because it helps you calm down and it helps you think more
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rationally rather than the emotion hijacking our brains.
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So even if that boom, if if a bully comes at you or a horrible
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comment comes at you being able to 1st, just say okay I'm I'm
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feeling woo knocked off my center there.
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It doesn't have to be specific. It's interesting.
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Often we think when when we are knocked off our center, we're
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we're nervous, afraid or angry that we should take a breath.
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You'll you'll hear that. Just take a deep breath.
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But in fact if we can think about letting go of some breath,
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blowing out some breath, that triggers the body's need for
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breath. Because the next thing that the
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body then knows is. You just blew out on my breath,
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right? The breath is part of the
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autonomic nervous system. It knows how to to breathe.
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Our bodies know how to breathe without us trying to do it.
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So blow out a little breath. It will kick in that autonomic
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nervous system and will remember to breathe, which in turn sends
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a message to your brain. I'm not in a threat state here.
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I'm not. So it's okay.
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I can manage this. I can deal with this.
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And then? We can think about, well, how do
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I want to deal with this in the moment?
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Do I want to deal with it in the moment?
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Or do I want to take a step back and maybe follow up with the
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person afterwards when I'm a little calmer and give them some
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feedback? How do I want to deal with this?
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Yeah, I like the idea of practicing as well because I
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know one listener I have who I've spoken with and has
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somebody who's at the same level as she is.
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They're both executives and and leadership positions.
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And he's often taking her ideas and promoting them as his and
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not hers. And so we've talked about
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different strategies. You know, have other women in
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the room speak up and oh, that sounded just like what this
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person said. How is that different?
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But the idea of practicing and knowing that this person is
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probably going to do that again. Are there some scripts that you
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can come up with right? You know, to establish your own
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presence? Maybe.
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Yeah, and practice before going into the meeting.
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Like what might? We will never anticipate what
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will happen Now in, in this person's case, she probably can.
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And yeah, and so I think it's what she's doing.
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What I hear she's doing is is coming up with a strategy for
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how she wants to address that, which is.
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Great, It gives her. I'm hearing that she's using
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some allies. She's thinking about what she
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wants to say in the room. We can't always do that.
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One of the another tool I like to use is called implementation
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intentions. And implementation intentions
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sound like this. When X happens then I will do Y
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when my manager says. Reappropriates my idea and
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starts to just feed back to me my idea.
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Then I'm going to turn and look at my my ally and she's going to
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speak up and say, hey, that was Jacqueline's idea.
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Or when my manager takes my idea, then I'm going to blow out
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some breath and calmly say yes, I mentioned that 10 minutes ago.
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Whatever the strategy is now, what we know about
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implementation intentions is that it primes the brain to deal
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with curveballs. So again, we, we can't ever
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anticipate everything that's going to happen, but because
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we've done some scenario planning and implementations are
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just another way of thinking about scenario planning because
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we've done some scenario planning.
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We can then better manage that one unexpected thing that we
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never thought would happen. We can better manage it when it
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when it happens. That's really great.
00:19:29
I think that could help some of my listeners.
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You talk in your book about tips to connect, scan, switch and
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speak. I think how, how does that work?
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We can definitely, especially for our Gen.
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Zers and how they are, you know, such a different kind of
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generation that is definitely becoming young, that are
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becoming young leaders. Well, Scan, Scan switch and
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speak is a tool that I use with my speakers when they're on
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stage and they have to work with a teleprompter and.
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Why that eats into connection is is because a lot of times when
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people are early days working with a teleprompter, they speak
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to the teleprompter and their eyes are down on the
00:20:20
teleprompters. So.
00:20:21
So what I say to them is start to get used to this idea of
00:20:25
scanning the teleprompter, reading ahead for where you need
00:20:29
to go, then switching your eye contact, getting your eye
00:20:32
contact out to the audience, and then speaking so that your eye
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contact and your speaking is out to the audience, not down at the
00:20:39
floor, which is normally where teleprompters are.
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They tend to be down at the bottom of the stage.
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But it speaks to this broader idea of of connection and the
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the there are loads of of tools around how to connect with
00:20:55
others, how to connect with your audience.
00:20:57
What I'd say is always start small.
00:21:00
Think about those baby steps. Starting small.
00:21:03
And the way that you start small with connection is thinking
00:21:06
first about your audience. What's meaningful to my
00:21:10
audience? If I know their communication
00:21:12
preferences, how can I adapt my presence and be more strategic
00:21:17
in my presence to meet them halfway in their their
00:21:20
communication preferences? And that's just a very easy
00:21:25
beginning way to start to think about connecting with others.
00:21:28
Well, I, you know, I'm, I think I might have mentioned to you
00:21:31
that I'm an adjunct lecturer at San Jose State University.
00:21:35
And so many of the students, when they get up to present,
00:21:41
they're on their phones and they're reading from their
00:21:45
phones. And I thought, OK, well, the
00:21:49
next class, I'm just going to be really hard on them and take the
00:21:52
phones away and stuff. But I think you're giving me
00:21:54
some thought. Maybe I coach him a little bit
00:21:57
about. Connecting.
00:21:59
Even if they're using their phone for their presentation
00:22:04
instead of reading, making sure that they they scan and then
00:22:09
they are able to really connect because that their audience or
00:22:14
other students and they're all going to be on their phones too
00:22:16
or their their tablets, you know, because that's just like
00:22:20
it. They are digital natives and and
00:22:24
you see, you see younger folks sitting on park benches having
00:22:30
conversations with each other like this.
00:22:33
Yes, yes. And so I'm curious too though
00:22:37
about intent, because communication is all about
00:22:41
intent, clarity of intent. And how are they trying to make
00:22:46
their audience feel as as they're speaking?
00:22:48
What is their intention? Yeah, well, I think it's they.
00:22:56
I I looked at it as I remember my first class and they got up
00:23:01
to present and I went, oh boy do they need help in this area
00:23:09
because they are used to being with their device, they are used
00:23:13
to looking down and they're not used to connecting.
00:23:17
So I think there's. Rather than I I'm always at the
00:23:21
philosophy. Rather than change what they're
00:23:24
doing to be something that is so awkward to them, maybe there's a
00:23:29
way to incorporate what they're doing and help them make the
00:23:35
connection. Yeah, yeah.
00:23:38
Because if you think about the intent there, holding my phone,
00:23:42
speaking to my phone, my intent is I I think I'd be curious to
00:23:46
know what their intent is. But the assumption I make is
00:23:49
that their intent is to not screw up.
00:23:52
Right. Do it right.
00:23:53
Their intent is I'm fearful I need to do this right.
00:23:56
I don't want to screw up and and so if they can use something
00:24:00
like scan switch, speak, they still have that crutch there
00:24:04
initially to help support them in taking some risks.
00:24:10
But then they start to use a tool to learn to get the eye
00:24:14
contact up and then think about how am I trying to make my
00:24:18
audience feel. Yeah, yeah, that was great.
00:24:23
Well, I think we could keep going all afternoon, but is
00:24:29
there anything we didn't cover that you would like to cover for
00:24:34
our audience because they're, I think they're so committed to
00:24:40
learning about how to be you know have that presence of
00:24:44
leadership and. And be with their audience, We,
00:24:52
we didn't really talk about this idea of strategic presence and
00:24:55
authenticity. And I think strategic presence
00:24:59
helps you be more authentic. You hit on it a little bit when
00:25:03
you said sometimes leaders feel like I have to be one kind of
00:25:07
leader and that's it. And yes, we often get those
00:25:11
messages. That idea of executive presence
00:25:14
is frequently set by the the dominant culture of the people
00:25:18
who are the leaders at the top. And it's not a very restrictive,
00:25:22
limited way of thinking about presence.
00:25:25
Whereas this idea of strategic presence is more authentic
00:25:30
because none of us are only one thing.
00:25:34
We go through our day and we are many different people,
00:25:38
identities, roles. I I wouldn't dream of talking to
00:25:43
you the way I talk to my dog. I would not dream of it.
00:25:47
Yeah, I adjust my presence based on who my audience is.
00:25:53
And I think probably there must have been somewhere along the
00:25:59
line that some assessment was made that if you change
00:26:06
yourself. To your audience, you're being
00:26:09
inauthentic, right? And what you're proposing and
00:26:13
challenging us to look at is the exact opposite, yes.
00:26:19
And to draw on our values, the different identities that we own
00:26:24
in in life. And asking ourselves, what part
00:26:27
of myself do I need to amplify in this situation in order to be
00:26:32
a more successful communicator? I was.
00:26:34
Thinking about my dad. And we were on a vacation as a
00:26:41
family. My dad is first generation
00:26:43
Mexican, born here in the States.
00:26:46
We were up in Canada and he had driven like, I don't know, all
00:26:51
day or whatever to get to this town and we go in.
00:26:54
He and I went in to get a hotel room and the man said we don't
00:26:59
give rooms to Mexicans here. And my dad turned and said, oh.
00:27:07
We all have our idiosyncrasies. And walked out and I was behind
00:27:12
him and I'll never forget it because of course he responded
00:27:19
in a way that was just amazing. And the guy probably had to go
00:27:24
look the word up in the dictionary.
00:27:29
But I think, I think what you're getting at is, you know, you
00:27:34
adapt. To whatever is needed in the
00:27:37
moment, right? Absolutely.
00:27:41
And this world, this current world, requires us to do that.
00:27:48
Yeah, not be just one thing right?
00:27:53
And it in fact it's more authentic, but because this idea
00:27:56
that there's one person in our brain controlling everything,
00:28:00
our brains aren't, aren't hardwired that way.
00:28:02
Our brains are hardwired to help us perform multiple functions,
00:28:10
multiple functions, and each of those functions has a different
00:28:14
sense of self. So that's all we're doing is
00:28:17
embracing our whole selves, our our our unique thinking style,
00:28:23
our unique decision making style, but also understanding
00:28:28
that maybe we need to flex those styles sometimes and expand and
00:28:33
our repertoire. Yeah, I know some people right
00:28:37
off the top of my head who I know will like that very much.
00:28:39
So great. Is there anything else we you
00:28:43
know well, Jacqueline, what a great conversation.
00:28:47
I am so glad that you joined us and thank you so much for being
00:28:51
here. Thank you Yolanda for having.
00:28:54
OK, everyone, talk to you soon. Bye.
00:29:01
Thank you for listening today and we sure hope you enjoyed
00:29:03
this episode. And if you did, please leave a
00:29:05
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00:29:08
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00:29:20
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00:29:25
So the three takeaways from this episode were one.
00:29:28
Strategic presence is about adapting to how you show up in
00:29:32
the room. We need to be flexible and
00:29:35
agile. 2 Finding your voice is about getting into the arena,
00:29:41
and it can be uncomfortable, but there are ways to prepare for
00:29:45
that. Three, listening and curiosity
00:29:49
gets the attention off ourselves and questions are a low risk way
00:29:55
to contributing to a meeting. We have lots of exciting guests
00:29:59
lined up for August, including Nori Java, author of Keeping
00:30:03
Your Seat at the Table, Courtney Lee, founder OYT Cosmetics,
00:30:09
Bessie Graham, awardwinning entrepreneur and Maria More UK
00:30:14
and an expert in diversity, equality and inclusion.
00:30:19
We hope you'll join us for these episodes and listen to these
00:30:22
amazing women leaders. Thanks for being here.
00:30:26
Talk to you soon. Bye.