153. ‘Be Confident. Be Resourceful. Be Graceful. Name Claim & Reframe Workbook’: A Conversation with author, Andrea Mein DeWitt. PART 1 of 2

[00:00:00] Welcome to episode 153 of Girl, Take the Lead, where each week we explore

[00:00:11] womanhood and leadership.

[00:00:13] And I'm your host, Yolanda Canny.

[00:00:16] Andrea Main Dewitt returns.

[00:00:20] To discuss her new workbook, Name, Claim, and Reframe workbook, your companion guide

[00:00:28] to a well-lived life, which you can pre-order from Amazon and will launch April 30th.

[00:00:35] I had the opportunity to receive an advanced copy and wrote the following book jacket endorsement.

[00:00:43] Andrea provides a gentle path to examining the origin of our core wound beliefs and limited

[00:00:49] thinking on a deeper level so we can let go of people pleasing and quiet even the loudest

[00:00:56] inner critic.

[00:00:57] Her step-by-step process is a masterful blend of transformative insights and practical exercises

[00:01:05] designed to awaken the inner power that is both empowering and impactful.

[00:01:11] And can we get an amen for that?

[00:01:15] Andrea and I got chatting, and we covered so many yummy things.

[00:01:20] I've made this into two part series.

[00:01:24] This is part one, and in it we'll cover a basic background of name, claim, and reframe in case

[00:01:31] you missed our previous episode.

[00:01:33] But not to worry, I'll have the links in the show notes in case you'd like to hear

[00:01:37] more about that episode.

[00:01:39] We'll also talk about core wound beliefs, energy imbalance, people pleasing the inner

[00:01:46] critic, and boundaries.

[00:01:50] And part two, we'll continue the conversation, which will include getting feedback, accepting

[00:01:56] compliments, which can be very difficult for us to do.

[00:02:00] And we'll even talk about flying helicopters and Hawaiian healing words.

[00:02:05] All good stuff.

[00:02:07] Enjoy the listen.

[00:02:08] Here you go.

[00:02:13] You know I love it when a friend comes on the show.

[00:02:18] Thank you.

[00:02:19] Thank you for coming on the show again, Andrea.

[00:02:22] We just love you.

[00:02:23] We love your book.

[00:02:24] We love your workbook.

[00:02:25] I can't wait to tell my listeners more about this.

[00:02:29] So thank you for coming today.

[00:02:30] Oh yeah, I was so excited.

[00:02:33] This is my first press for the workbook.

[00:02:37] So of course I was just delighted that you and I were going to get to open the

[00:02:43] press tour.

[00:02:44] Yay!

[00:02:45] I'm the launch.

[00:02:46] I'm the opening act for the launch.

[00:02:48] Yay!

[00:02:49] Well, why don't we start?

[00:02:51] Because some of our listeners may not have heard our previous episodes on name,

[00:02:56] claim and reframe.

[00:02:57] But I will put that in the show notes for everyone to refer to.

[00:03:01] But if you could introduce yourself and tell them about your book and you know

[00:03:07] that would be great.

[00:03:08] Great place to start.

[00:03:09] I'm Andrea Mindy Witt and I am a leadership coach and author.

[00:03:16] And I wrote a book that came out in December of 2022 called Name, Claim and

[00:03:22] Reframe Your Path to Well-Lived Life.

[00:03:24] And it was a surprise kind of best seller in that it made the today's show as

[00:03:31] the number one motivational read for 2023.

[00:03:34] And we were excited because what it does is it really takes a simple three-part

[00:03:39] structure and helps people to use life coaching tools in a very practical way

[00:03:47] to respond to life's challenges instead of reacting to them.

[00:03:52] And so that's really what it's about.

[00:03:54] And that's what I do, speak, teach classes and just have a well-lived life.

[00:04:03] So might be good to give some foundation for name, claim and reframe for the

[00:04:09] listeners who haven't heard the previous episodes we've done.

[00:04:14] So maybe that's a good place to start today.

[00:04:16] That is a great place to start.

[00:04:19] Name, claim and reframe is, has three parts.

[00:04:23] The first part is name the source of your emotional trigger.

[00:04:27] Why am I reacting to that challenge instead of responding to it?

[00:04:33] Claim resonant actions that match up with your core values.

[00:04:38] When you understand what your core beliefs are, it's easier to understand why you can't,

[00:04:44] why you're upset about something and it's easier to bring yourself back in integrity

[00:04:48] by choosing actions that really align with your core beliefs.

[00:04:54] And then once you've named and claimed, you can reframe.

[00:04:57] And think about what is, what actions and what mindset is going to serve my goals for the future.

[00:05:06] Oftentimes if we can separate our ego, we can really look at the big picture

[00:05:12] and shift our perspective and harvest learning.

[00:05:14] And so it's really an optimistic way to go about even the trickiest things that happen in our lives.

[00:05:22] Right.

[00:05:23] Well, and I think you make the point too that we can't give it a name unless we see it.

[00:05:31] Like we have to observe it and then the awareness of that, it kind of diffuses the power that it has.

[00:05:40] Exactly. I mean, this is really Yolanda about conscious awareness.

[00:05:46] When we're conscious about where we are in any given moment,

[00:05:51] then we have the power to choose again.

[00:05:55] You know, if you're talking on the phone to the two contrasts, which is oftentimes triggering.

[00:06:02] And I've been in situations where I think, OK, I'm getting triggered.

[00:06:06] I'm starting to get angry.

[00:06:08] I'm reacting and then I can choose again.

[00:06:11] I'm sorry, this is really frustrating.

[00:06:13] Let me ask again.

[00:06:15] I'm going to choose again to ask in a different way and then I can choose again to ask.

[00:06:21] So I'm claiming a different action.

[00:06:23] And I think that when you think about even just at work or with your spouse or somebody cuts you off in traffic,

[00:06:33] you can choose to be reactive and that gets your cortisol levels up or you can choose to be responsive.

[00:06:40] OK, maybe that person's having a hard day.

[00:06:44] I'm just going to let them go in front of me. It's fine.

[00:06:46] Yeah.

[00:06:47] Right there, you've chosen yourself.

[00:06:49] You know, why raise your cortisol levels?

[00:06:52] Right.

[00:06:52] Regardless of how I mean, somebody else might have have reactive behavior,

[00:06:57] but you don't need to take that energy on.

[00:07:00] And this is really about just being aware.

[00:07:03] It doesn't mean you're not going to that you're not going to be triggered.

[00:07:06] You will be triggered for sure you will.

[00:07:08] But being aware of where am I and what do I need to feel better?

[00:07:14] So the workbook is your is kind of I when I read it, it was like a guide for me to really look at.

[00:07:30] All the different aspects of each of those elements.

[00:07:35] And you just sort of do just a marvelous, marvelous job of giving us the questions

[00:07:43] and giving us what we need to really look at with those triggers and those things that are happening.

[00:07:53] You know, what did you realize in the first when you wrote the book that

[00:07:58] oh, this needs to be a workbook too or how did that come about?

[00:08:01] No, it's all accidental.

[00:08:03] I mean, it is all accidental.

[00:08:05] But what happened with this with the book was that we found that people,

[00:08:11] this concept of name claiming refrain just hit like wildfire.

[00:08:17] And so we decided we really needed to take the concepts in the book and put prompts

[00:08:26] and exercises back into the hands of the reader.

[00:08:29] And I think that they're again, I'm a teacher, you know, first and foremost.

[00:08:34] And there are different kinds of learners.

[00:08:37] Not everybody wants to read a self help book.

[00:08:40] Some of people just don't want to read a self help book, but people could take this workbook

[00:08:45] and they don't have to even go, you know, from the beginning to the end,

[00:08:49] they can go right in the middle saying, hey, I'm having an interpersonal conflict right now.

[00:08:55] Oh, there's prompts here that I can use to help navigate that or gosh,

[00:09:00] somebody really tromped on one of my core beliefs.

[00:09:03] What can I do about that?

[00:09:05] And it was so interesting.

[00:09:08] Yo, I when I was doing I did some beta programs.

[00:09:14] I did some theme salons and I did some programs where I took people through the

[00:09:18] workbook to sort of as a to get more information.

[00:09:22] And I said to my publisher, I really want to do this before we publish

[00:09:25] because I want to make sure we've looked at every angle.

[00:09:28] And there were so many areas that I got new perspectives from my readers.

[00:09:34] And it was so exciting.

[00:09:36] So I'm hopeful that we were able to expand the exploration

[00:09:43] and in ways that that will really help people to use name and claim

[00:09:47] and reframing in their lives again and again and again.

[00:09:51] That's my hope.

[00:09:53] Well, you integrate the the book so well, your original book.

[00:09:58] You integrate inspirational quotes that I loved.

[00:10:03] And we'll talk about a few of them as we go through this episode.

[00:10:08] But it does seem like you've.

[00:10:12] Thought it all, you know, all the aspects and pulled it all through.

[00:10:15] And it sounds like your readers and the people that have

[00:10:20] attended your workshops, etc.

[00:10:22] were great resources for you to put this workbook together.

[00:10:26] Well, you know what I think?

[00:10:28] And this is a reframe we talk about separating your ego.

[00:10:31] Once you write something, you don't own it anymore.

[00:10:34] And so when you put something out into the world,

[00:10:37] it's always incredible.

[00:10:39] Talk about feedback, understanding how things are landing.

[00:10:43] And I learned things, things that maybe didn't land well

[00:10:47] or maybe I didn't do as well as I could have.

[00:10:49] And so it was an opportunity for me to to go at it again and think about, OK,

[00:10:53] well, maybe I didn't make that accessible.

[00:10:55] Maybe this this will help people to see themselves in this work.

[00:11:00] And so it's really about helping people to be more strategic

[00:11:07] and resourceful and graceful in their own lives.

[00:11:11] And you know, that right there, if we can learn to respond

[00:11:17] and be in integrity, our lives are just calmer and we feel more grounded.

[00:11:23] And man, I want one of that.

[00:11:25] Don't you?

[00:11:26] Sounds delicious.

[00:11:28] Definitely.

[00:11:29] Well, it definitely comes through that you this is a book.

[00:11:35] About I mean, it just seems like it's not about you so much as about

[00:11:41] the people that are going to actually do the work in the workbook,

[00:11:44] like a shift, like sometimes we put content out from us.

[00:11:50] And you don't know quite where it's going to land.

[00:11:52] But your workbook is definitely got the voice of somebody

[00:11:58] who's actually going to walk through this, who's actually going to do it.

[00:12:03] And you've taken such care to help.

[00:12:06] Thank you. We did.

[00:12:08] I think we did.

[00:12:09] I think the first book, the book that I wrote,

[00:12:14] you know, I had to show people examples of, you know, this is

[00:12:18] this is what happened to me or this is what happened to a client

[00:12:21] and this is how we worked it.

[00:12:23] And I think you have to show people would say, oh,

[00:12:27] I saw myself in that story or I see that.

[00:12:30] And so the this workbook is really about being able to take those stories

[00:12:36] because everybody's got something like that.

[00:12:39] And this overlay in your life.

[00:12:41] I do make references to the book number one, although it's not required.

[00:12:47] It sometimes gives you a great context and then you get all fired up

[00:12:49] and you go, OK, now I'm going to go do that section.

[00:12:53] So good because you put like chapter and pages and things.

[00:12:57] So that's very, I think a good.

[00:12:59] I have to say my editor, I've taken my editor credit for that

[00:13:02] because he was he goes, you gotta show people where they are.

[00:13:06] And I think that it's very user friendly.

[00:13:09] Yeah, oh, totally, totally user friendly.

[00:13:13] What? You know, and I just had to go, whoa,

[00:13:17] when you kind of spelled out the nine core wounded beliefs.

[00:13:25] That was so amazing.

[00:13:27] I thought you nailed there like in the list.

[00:13:30] I said, oh, that's I think that's my mom.

[00:13:33] And then went, oh, this one is me.

[00:13:38] But I mean, can you talk a little bit about that?

[00:13:42] Maybe share some of those aspects

[00:13:45] so our listeners get a sense of what that's about.

[00:13:47] Absolutely. And I want to preface it by saying,

[00:13:52] you know, that I am a I'm a certified life coach.

[00:13:55] I am not a therapist.

[00:13:57] And so I really stayed in the workbook.

[00:14:00] These are these are just, you know,

[00:14:04] a collection of of core wounds.

[00:14:08] And I the list is by no means complete,

[00:14:12] but it's a place to start.

[00:14:14] And my my hope for doing it and it was in the name step,

[00:14:18] name your triggers, your limiting beliefs in your poor wounds.

[00:14:21] We all have poor wounds.

[00:14:23] And so to go in and sort of receive yourself with grace and compassion.

[00:14:27] That was my my hope that you could just read them and think, OK,

[00:14:32] this is this is the limiting belief.

[00:14:34] And this is how I show up because of that limiting belief.

[00:14:38] Yeah. So having that context when you go into the workbook

[00:14:43] and do the shadow work of what is your inner critic say?

[00:14:47] It's really great. It's a great context.

[00:14:50] I also really I provide other references

[00:14:54] that if you want to do more work and read more, please do.

[00:14:59] I am not a therapist.

[00:15:00] I'm to say it again because I'm not.

[00:15:03] But I just want people to have a context

[00:15:07] to really do the exploration and do the interesting.

[00:15:10] Well, and to see the correlation between this is what happens,

[00:15:15] what might happen in the belief that you have.

[00:15:18] Exactly. And I think we had talked

[00:15:22] before we went on, you said that number seven, I think.

[00:15:26] Yeah, number seven.

[00:15:28] The limiting belief is I am I am incomplete.

[00:15:33] Yeah. And the so it's, you know,

[00:15:36] there must be something missing from me.

[00:15:38] I'm not enough.

[00:15:39] And I think so many of us feel that way.

[00:15:42] I'm not especially when we compare and we watch somebody do something.

[00:15:46] We think, oh, I'm not doing that or I should do that.

[00:15:49] And, you know, it's it's really that, you know, I can't.

[00:15:55] That's not true.

[00:15:56] All of us at some point feel that way.

[00:15:59] So we can get under me.

[00:16:01] You know, why I'm feeling that way and maybe wear it.

[00:16:04] You know, maybe somebody maybe somebody said that to me.

[00:16:08] Maybe a teacher said that to me or a parent said that to me.

[00:16:12] And how can I now as a more

[00:16:17] conscious adult nurture that child inside me and release that limiting belief

[00:16:24] and curate a new one?

[00:16:27] Yeah, work for me better.

[00:16:30] I agree.

[00:16:31] And I think we almost have to keep reminding ourselves of it.

[00:16:35] Like it isn't like there you're cured.

[00:16:40] You're not now.

[00:16:42] It's like, you know, that that's in there.

[00:16:45] And it pops up and then you kind of, oh, that's where that.

[00:16:50] Yeah, I see it now.

[00:16:52] I had a client that came to me.

[00:16:55] And we were we were doing this work.

[00:16:59] And I just stopped and I said, stop.

[00:17:02] You are not broken.

[00:17:06] You are magnificent.

[00:17:09] And my, you know, let's go find let's go find that magnificent spirit

[00:17:14] because she's in there.

[00:17:15] You just she's in there.

[00:17:17] Let's go find her.

[00:17:18] I mean, and it was just like at the end of our time together,

[00:17:23] she was so sparkly.

[00:17:24] And it was, you know, as her coach, it was just so much fun to witness

[00:17:29] her find that magnificent spirit because that magnificent spirit

[00:17:35] lives in all of you, all of us.

[00:17:37] It's there.

[00:17:38] We just have to pull it out and find it.

[00:17:41] Yeah.

[00:17:42] Love it.

[00:17:43] Your light.

[00:17:44] And those things that get in the way, that's that.

[00:17:47] So it takes the light away and that's what we have to use.

[00:17:50] Name.

[00:17:51] And it's our responsibility.

[00:17:54] It's our responsibility to hold our own light and stand in our light.

[00:18:00] Yeah.

[00:18:00] It's nobody's fault.

[00:18:02] You know, somebody maybe didn't have, you know, whatever your

[00:18:05] parent said or whatever that teacher said, well, that that's their stuff.

[00:18:10] Exactly.

[00:18:10] You don't have to take it on.

[00:18:12] You get to choose again.

[00:18:14] Well, and sometimes I think we do take those things on, right?

[00:18:19] And we, we don't realize that it's there.

[00:18:22] Something else will pop up.

[00:18:24] And then we really do have to do the work to get to what is

[00:18:29] underneath that and what's motivating that.

[00:18:32] And I think that's the difference with sometimes with self-help is,

[00:18:38] oh, you're supposed to have this, you know, a spiritual awakening.

[00:18:43] And meanwhile you're down and you're below the line kind of energy

[00:18:50] and you're, you don't realize that you can work through that.

[00:18:55] You don't have to stay below the line.

[00:18:57] You can actually move yourself.

[00:19:00] The first step is to see it.

[00:19:02] Exactly.

[00:19:02] To see that the limiting belief is there.

[00:19:05] Yeah.

[00:19:05] I mean, and that's the, that's the hardest part.

[00:19:08] Yeah.

[00:19:09] You know, because I mean, loving all, all of all of you, I mean, we all have

[00:19:14] fierce bits and rough bits and bits we don't want anybody to see.

[00:19:19] Everybody has bits, but if we can really say, well, actually that bit

[00:19:25] of me that's a little fierce, well, you know, that's my warrior or that's

[00:19:30] my, you know, that's my defensive child.

[00:19:32] Well, you know, what is that defensive child trying to protect me against?

[00:19:36] Well, I don't know.

[00:19:38] So it's just looking at those things.

[00:19:39] I mean, it's, I'm not going to say that it, it doesn't happen in one reflection.

[00:19:45] It's, it's work.

[00:19:46] It's work just to look at it.

[00:19:48] The first step is really just noticing it's there.

[00:19:51] Yeah.

[00:19:52] And then massaging it and playing with it.

[00:19:55] Yeah.

[00:19:56] Loving yourself.

[00:19:57] All of you.

[00:19:59] I think one of the, for, I think we've done about three or four episodes

[00:20:05] on energy because I loved the idea and we went to, you know, Dr.

[00:20:12] Dispenza looked at what he had to say about energy and, and you have

[00:20:17] things to say about energy and balance.

[00:20:20] And, and you mentioned before that inner critic that can pop up

[00:20:26] and kind of go, Oh yeah, CEO.

[00:20:29] You don't got to figure it out, girl.

[00:20:31] You know, should, you know, listen to that second grade teacher who told you

[00:20:36] you were the ringleader and you were taking people in the wrong direction,

[00:20:40] whatever it was, you know, but I'd love to know what you have to say

[00:20:47] about energy boundaries, you know, and the different aspects of this

[00:20:54] that you bring up in your book.

[00:20:56] Well, I mean, when we talk about energy, this is where I think people

[00:20:59] get, people go, that sounds kind of whoa, what do you mean when you say energy?

[00:21:05] I mean, we all have energy.

[00:21:07] When I'd like to say about energy is that it's, it's, you know, what,

[00:21:11] what are you putting out into the world?

[00:21:13] Whatever you put out into the world is the energy that you,

[00:21:16] that people are reading, whether it's enthusiastic or it's,

[00:21:22] you know, depressed or it's, you know, aggravated.

[00:21:27] I mean, we all can have all different kinds of energy at all different times.

[00:21:32] And when you go into a room, you bring energy and other people in that room

[00:21:38] have energy.

[00:21:40] And so some people's energy, we love, we want to be around it.

[00:21:44] It feels good to be around that energy and other people's energy

[00:21:47] maybe doesn't match with our energy.

[00:21:50] And so I always say, you know, again, we're conscious awareness about,

[00:21:54] ooh, that energy is not working for me right now.

[00:21:59] And there are incredible ways I talk about energy vampires,

[00:22:04] you know, people like they sort of feed off your energy.

[00:22:08] And then I always notice that because I'm really sensitive to energy.

[00:22:11] I just I just am.

[00:22:13] It's kind of a superpower.

[00:22:14] And I think, ooh, this isn't feeling good.

[00:22:17] And I can still be nice to this person, but I got to get it.

[00:22:19] I got to get away.

[00:22:21] It's like, oh, it's so lovely to see you.

[00:22:25] Great to see you.

[00:22:26] But I need to I need to go or always see my husband over there.

[00:22:30] I need to go over there or oh, gosh, I'm late.

[00:22:34] I mean, there are ways to be kind, but to say no, thank you.

[00:22:37] This isn't working for me.

[00:22:39] Or to say, you know, if somebody is trying to getting in,

[00:22:42] you're getting into an altercation with someone, you could say, you know what?

[00:22:46] I don't think this conversation is productive right now.

[00:22:51] And so I'm going to end it.

[00:22:53] I wish you all the best.

[00:22:55] And that's a boundary that you're putting as a boundary.

[00:22:59] I think it's OK.

[00:23:03] And, you know, we one of the things I think that gets in the way of of us,

[00:23:09] you know, when we get energy depleted is I always talk about that

[00:23:13] that people pleasing inner critic.

[00:23:16] And mine, because I was raised Catholic, is a little

[00:23:20] Sister Marie Francis, this little nun that comes in and she's always

[00:23:24] sure that I'm not being nice enough and that I need to give all my resources

[00:23:28] away and all of this stuff.

[00:23:30] And I notice now when she shows up because people pleasing is rooted

[00:23:34] in fear and is focused on earning love.

[00:23:37] I mean, so why am I thinking that I need to give all my power away to this?

[00:23:42] I mean, really, I don't.

[00:23:44] It's OK to say, let me think about that.

[00:23:49] And, you know, checking in with Sister Marie Francis to say, you know,

[00:23:53] why are you think I need to do this right now?

[00:23:55] Because I'm tired. Yeah.

[00:23:57] Well, I remember that first book, wasn't it a crabby roommate?

[00:24:00] Didn't you give? Oh, yeah, well, that the crabby was she's not nice.

[00:24:03] I mean, she's just I mean, you have so many different critics.

[00:24:09] I mean, you know, there's all different kinds.

[00:24:11] I mean, there's some that are mean that tell you you're

[00:24:14] you're not smart enough like the core wound of you're not good enough.

[00:24:20] There are some that are people pleasing.

[00:24:23] There can be all different kinds. Yeah.

[00:24:26] And so it's just noticing. Yeah.

[00:24:29] You know, and what are they saying?

[00:24:32] When do they show up?

[00:24:34] And they never have current information ever.

[00:24:39] They always, you know, they might have the information that you had

[00:24:42] when you were 12 years old.

[00:24:43] Sounds right.

[00:24:45] And then say, you know, thanks so much for your your fears,

[00:24:48] because it intercritic, their voice is always motivated by fear.

[00:24:52] Thanks so much for your concerns about this, but I got it covered.

[00:24:55] You need to leave now.

[00:24:58] Don't worry, we got it covered.

[00:25:01] Yeah. Thank you for listening today.

[00:25:03] And we sure hope you enjoyed this episode.

[00:25:06] If you did, please leave a comment wherever you listen to your podcast.

[00:25:10] Tell a friend about us.

[00:25:12] Join our public Facebook group, Girl, Take the Lead or visit our website.

[00:25:17] Girl, Take the Lead pod dot com.

[00:25:20] We also have a YouTube channel where your subscription would be appreciated

[00:25:24] once you're on YouTube search at girl, take the lead.

[00:25:27] And we recently extended into YouTube music

[00:25:31] where you can find a video of this episode.

[00:25:36] So here's the three takeaways from this series.

[00:25:39] One, the nine core wound beliefs

[00:25:44] can help us outline our negative core beliefs

[00:25:47] and the personality we develop to compensate for those.

[00:25:52] Two, the people pleasing intercritic is rooted in fear

[00:25:58] and is focused on earning love.

[00:26:02] Three, we should remember

[00:26:05] what Andrea's mom had to say about accepting a compliment.

[00:26:09] Quote, when someone is giving you a compliment, never interrupt.

[00:26:21] On Thursday, I'll be posting part two of this conversation with Andrea.

[00:26:27] Please join us again.

[00:26:29] Take care now.

[00:26:30] Thanks for being here and talk to you soon.

[00:26:33] Bye.