Have you ever walked away from an interaction wondering:
Why didn’t I say something?
Why am I questioning myself?
Why did I end up managing his feelings when I was the one who was hurt?
In this episode of Girl, Take the Lead!, I’m joined by James Dakin—leadership transformation specialist, behavioural coach, speaker, and now international #1 bestselling author of How to Stop Taking Sht From Insecure Men*.
Within 24 hours of publication, James’s book reached #1 in Leadership in the U.S. and #1 in Career Advancement and Professional Development in the U.K.—a response that suggests this conversation is touching something women are ready to talk about.
And James brings an unusual perspective to it.
Years ago, a former partner said 21 words that changed the direction of his life:
“I hope our daughter never grows up to meet a man like you and I hope our son never grows up to be one.”
James had to confront the fact that he had become the kind of insecure man so many women spend their lives navigating.
Today, he gives us an insider’s glimpse into what may be happening when women are dismissed, talked over, underestimated, belittled—or find themselves making smaller and smaller choices just to keep the peace.
But this isn’t about excusing bad behavior.
And it isn’t about making women responsible for fixing men.
It’s about understanding the dynamic so we have more choices about how we respond.
In this conversation, we explore:
James’s Five Steps to Freedom: self-awareness and self-acceptance, confidence, presence, influence, and freedom
Why what looks like a confidence problem may actually be an adaptation to the environment around us
How women can learn to “play small” without even realizing they’re doing it
What may be happening inside the insecure male ego when a woman speaks up, disagrees, or challenges the status quo
The difference between influence and manipulation
Why understanding “the game” doesn’t mean we approve of the game
James’s approach to Change Without Confrontation
Practical language we can use when we're dismissed or challenged instead of immediately defending ourselves
Why women are not responsible for fixing insecure men
The difference between being liked and being respected
Why our bodies may register a slight before our minds can even put words around what happened
And James’s powerful reminder that we haven’t lost our power—we may simply have stopped using it
One thought to take with you
James also shares a simple strategy that stayed with me: rather than immediately defending yourself when someone makes a diminishing statement, get curious.
Ask them to explain.
Ask for the evidence.
Let them do the work of examining what they just said.
Sometimes power isn’t having the perfect comeback.
Sometimes it’s recognizing that we have more than one move available to us.
You haven’t lost your power.
There may have been times when you didn’t use it.
Times when you buried it.
Times when you adapted to the people or systems around you.
But it was still there.
And as James reminds us, our worth was never something we needed to prove in the first place.
About James Dakin
James Dakin is a leadership transformation specialist, behavioural coach, author and speaker with more than 30 years of experience helping people change how they see themselves and what they believe is possible.
His new book, How to Stop Taking Sht From Insecure Men*, is an international #1 bestseller.
Connect with James
Website: jamesdakin.co.uk
Special page for Girl, Take the Lead! listeners: jamesdakin.co.uk/yolanda
Substack: jamesdakin.substack.com
LinkedIn: James Dakin
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