309. Money Isn't About Money: It's About the Story You Believe Guest: Miriam Castilla

[00:00:01] So very welcome to Girl, Take the Lead. How fun this conversation is going to be. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you so much for having me. Yes, of course. And can you begin things by introducing yourself to our viewers and listeners? Sure, I'd love to. So I am a money and business coach and I primarily work with online coaches,

[00:00:26] service providers, consultants who are ready to stop trading hours for dollars. And my approach is a little bit unique and different in that we address the money and we address the business strategy. And in both of those areas, we marry the magical with the practical, as I like to call it. Because if you want to think about it as like a visual model, you are the magnet that attracts the money in and your

[00:00:52] mindset determines how easy or difficult that may be. And meanwhile, you have your business, which is the vehicle for generating that income. So you kind of need to address both. Yeah. And you kind of look at mindset from a like differentiating money mindset from wealth mindset. Now let's talk about that. How do you see those differently?

[00:01:17] Yeah, that's, you know, that's a really important granular distinction that people don't often think about. Everybody talks about money mindset. I've got to have a good money mindset. And yes, we do. But ultimately, if we're looking to use our business to generate wealth, whatever that means for us, whether it means the ability to, you know, work 10 hours a week and be able to travel without being a

[00:01:42] slave to your business, or just know that you have a buffer there, you know, should a zombie apocalypse happen. Whatever wealth means to you, actually having the mindset where you make sure that you generate whatever you need and put the systems in place to have that rather than a good money mindset, which is about having enough. To me, a wealth mindset is about having more than enough,

[00:02:09] having ample, like really being able to get to that space where you can just, you know, breathe. Yeah, no, you're okay. Most, most of us, I think, think that when we retire, like that's the goal, you know, to get to that point. And I would think though, that these

[00:02:33] stories that we have about money, and about wealth came to us quite early in life. Do you find that? Absolutely. So I do a lot of very deep inner work with people and use hypnosis a lot just to bypass the critical thinking, the overthinking, and really get to the core of what's going on. And,

[00:02:59] you know, it always comes back to those really early childhood memories, or if you're a little bit inclined towards the woo, sometimes it's past life things or, you know, generational things that are passed down. And it's very much our parents' stories that we either completely reject and then kind of revolt and do the opposite. Like if you were raised in a household where there was never enough,

[00:03:27] and, you know, you always had to feel guilty if you wanted a little more, sometimes people go the opposite. And they actually just rebel and are really irresponsible with the money. And so it's either that or it's we become our parents. It's usually one or the other. And it comes back to those really early childhood stories. And that's the whole point, actually, it's just a story. You know,

[00:03:52] do you choose to accept it, live it, embody it, or do you want to create a new story and live that? Yeah. I would think also too, there's a lot of factors going on at the same time, like, okay, you have your ancestral story, you have

[00:04:13] just the cost of living. Reality. Yes. With my bunny ears, if anyone's just listening and I'm watching. You know, there's, there's these factors that contribute to our viewpoint and our perception. Um, they make it a little complicated. They do. There's the media, there's well-meaning friends

[00:04:39] who want to tell you what's in the news, even when you steadfastly refuse to watch the news like I do. So there are all these influences. And you know, it's kind of like we're tossed into the middle of a storm, really. And we need to find a way to stand really grounded and find our own way of being steady within that. And knowing that, no, I have a really good money mindset. I have a wealth mindset.

[00:05:07] I have a great system in place with both with my money and how I generate my income. I know that there's trillions of dollars circulating the globe every single day. I don't need all of that. Just a little bit would be just fine. Thank you. And no matter what's going on in the world and in the world news, there is always money being made and money being lost.

[00:05:31] And so just, you know, kind of ignoring the noise and really staying grounded in our knowing and in our own relationship with abundance and, you know, the powers of the universe and that belief that the universe wants us to be wealthy and abundant. And that's kind of your birthright. And that is the natural way, growth, evolution, expansion, you know, that's the nature of the universe

[00:05:57] to really stay grounded in that, I think is the key to all of that. It also seems like we have to be able to pivot and change when circumstances change for us and, you know, having the ability to just sort of have, okay, we got to save more right now. And, you know, like for us, the price of gas is crazy, especially where I live.

[00:06:26] Same in Australia. Yes. That, you know, okay, well, we will do this less of, you know, or just being able to pivot within maybe our plan. Is that kind of how you see it? Yeah. I think what you're touching on there is really important for people to take note of because it's, it's about being responsible with money and making good choices, depending on where you're at,

[00:06:55] what your goals are, what's going on around you. So it is about adjusting and pivoting as you need. And so that comes down to, you know, things you've described where we go, okay, well, right now, maybe we won't choose to do this, or we won't choose to do that. And to make sure that you're doing it from a place of empowerment, rather than from a place of lack. And there, there is a distinction and you can make the same decision and say, no, we choose to say no to that

[00:07:23] right now, because that's a really smart choice for us and how we want to manage our money and what our goals are rather than, oh, damn, you know, obviously we're lacking because we can't do that. So that's a really different attitude for the same decision. And people often have that same issue with needing to say no to their children. And I think that that's actually about having a healthy

[00:07:50] relationship with money. You know, there's always more things to spend money on. You can have gold plated iPad cases, you can have a more expensive private jet, there is no limit. So it's about making really good choices that you feel good about and, and being really grounded within that. Yeah, I would think too, that when you have a partner, and you're living together, and you're

[00:08:19] making choices about what you will spend your money on and how you're going to have your money. And, you know, I've always found that at least if I have a voice about it, you know, that I express something like, you know, we need to get an air conditioner, climate change, the things have made it

[00:08:44] just really, really hot, just really, really hot where we live now. And it wasn't like that when we bought the house 30 years ago, but it is that now. So it's working together. I mean, I think in my case, my husband has said, okay, we'll, we'll do that. But let's wait a year before we do that.

[00:09:11] Which works for me, you know, I went, okay, we have a plan, we know where we're going, we will do it. And we will do it at that time. It's almost an, I would think that very rarely do partners have the same money mindset, or wealth mindset. Do they? I mean, do you see that? That must be a miracle. I agree. I think I totally agree with you. I think it would be a miracle. Often, often when people kind

[00:09:38] of come into my world, and they're working with me, you know, there are a few weeks into it, and they're starting to shift their, I guess, the way they think about money and the way they think about how much or how little they may have. And then they turn around and go, okay, well, I'm feeling great. What do I do about them? And, and so it really, you know, it is one of the beautiful side effects of doing your own money work. And my answer to the, what do I do about

[00:10:07] them is usually you just stay in your lane, do your thing. Don't be that, you know, born again, like drumming at the door, trying to convince them that'll just put them off, just do your thing. And they'll want what you're having. And so eventually, you know, things really shift from couples arguing about money or it being a big trigger in their relationship, because they come

[00:10:32] from such different places. And so they tend to trigger each other to just being able to have these kind of calm conversations like, yeah, you know, what are we going to do about this? What's the plan? All right, let's wait a year. Let's put it into our money planner. And yeah, that's it. Like it's not, it doesn't have to be an emotional discussion. It's just a plan that you're making together. Something about power or whatever. One thing that you do though, is you have on your website,

[00:11:02] the archetypes laid out. So maybe we have our partners take the archetype little quiz to find out what they are. Cause I did it and I'll have it in the show notes for our listeners and viewers to find, but I'm an accumulator, which I was surprised because I thought it would be, well, why don't you talk a

[00:11:27] little bit about the archetypes? I'm going to finish your sentence and explain you're an accumulator, but I bet you thought you were going to be a spender. So that is classic accumulator behavior because the accumulator, so the, so just for your listeners benefit, the money habit archetype is really simple quiz that helps you determine whether your natural spending pattern around money,

[00:11:54] and this is your habit pattern around money, whether it's to accumulate, to be a spender where it's money comes, money goes, and you kind of end up back where you started or to be an overextender where you always manage to spend more than what's coming in. So the classic accumulator is the one who thinks that they haven't accumulated enough to qualify to be called an accumulator. Interesting. And I see that all the time. They're like, no, no, no, I haven't. I still haven't saved enough. I'm not

[00:12:24] like financially secure and well set up enough to qualify. I don't deserve that label. Definitely. Totally felt that way. That's interesting. Yeah. So it's your natural, like your natural inclination is to screw the nuts away for the winter. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Like, Oh, we, we can wait the year. It's okay. Yeah. Cause I know that

[00:12:48] it's a big amount that we will have to put out there. It is, it's, it is interesting because I do think, um, I grew up that way. My mother was somebody who accumulated and my father was the spender. You know, he was on the couch sleeping for at least a month after he went out and bought a sports car

[00:13:15] without consulting her. He came home with a 1964 Corvette back in the day and he got into serious trouble, but that's what he did. He spent and mom accumulated. And I guess I'm just sort of have adopted her point of view that not always good to spend everything you have. You know, I think we were raised by the same parents because my father did exactly the same thing. He bought a sports car

[00:13:44] and just brought it home when my mother was heavily pregnant with my brother and it didn't have a rear seat. It was a two seater. What are you doing? Yeah, that was ours too. I kind of grew up in the Corvette was a stingray. So it had like this back didn't even have a seat in the back, but that's where I would sit. I mean, it was long before we had to have, you know, seatbelts and all the things

[00:14:12] we do. Oh yeah. We didn't need those. We were bulletproof. We all survived. I know. Well, I think with this conversation, we're getting that, we're hinting at some of these things, but what do you think it's in the way of us and our conversations and stories around money? Is it that we kind of take

[00:14:35] it to an extreme and we suffer over these things? Well, it does become really emotive. Like money is a big subject. It's very emotive because we make it mean so many things and, you know, we're raised with these stories around. And so money, the relationship with money, isn't really about money. When you dig into it, it's actually to do with our self-worth, with our perception of what

[00:15:05] we deserve to have, whether we're worthy of having our fair share or more than our fair share or more than enough and whether, you know, where we actually sit with all of that. So the journey into your relationship with money becomes a really deep, insightful journey into your relationship with yourself and what you at the unconscious level, at the deepest of levels, actually believe yourself to be worthy

[00:15:31] and deserving of receiving and how hard you believe you need to work for that. Because, you know, if we're not feeling quite worthy enough, then we tend to overwork or continue to work when we don't really need to and keep messing with our business when we shouldn't be and all those sorts of things. So that kind of gets in the way and what also gets in the way very much is that the fact that we're not educated around

[00:16:01] money. I'm horrified to see that kids go through school still these days and they're not really shown how to manage their personal money. Even if they study economics or commerce or accountancy, that's managing, you know, business assets. That's learning how to read a profit and loss and all those things. But learning how to actually manage your income, no one teaches you that. So when our parents don't know or when they're just kind of fumbling through or when they have shame around it and then that's

[00:16:30] passed on, you know, we all walk around with what I call this silent money shame where we just feel like I should have this sorted by now, but I don't. So I'm just going to smile and pretend I do. And when I worked in finance, I saw it all the time. People will come in on multiple six figure salaries and they would have, you know, three car loans and a mortgage up to here and credit cards

[00:16:58] and great lifestyle. And it all looked great from the outside, but they were just silently suffering and feeling ashamed and not really knowing how to get out of it and what to do. So I think the lack of education around just that practical side of managing your finances has a massive impact on our relationship with money, on our money mindset and on how we feel about money.

[00:17:23] Yeah. Do you work with your clients too, to help them set boundaries for themselves so that they can say no and decline? Because I think with the shame can come like, well, you know, like if I have somebody over to the house, I almost apologize in advance if it's going to be a hot day and say, we don't have air conditioning. Do you want to meet somewhere else? But it's almost like

[00:17:49] I am the one who is kind of setting the boundary down on how to handle our money management because you can't do everything. Of course not. So, so we are going to have to practice putting boundaries down and declining things and not necessarily feeling guilty about that.

[00:18:15] Because I think guilt comes up. It does. And there's this kind of the guilt around, we should be able to say yes to everything. If our friends are having this, you know, all expenses paid, amazing holiday overseas and asked us to join them. And we say, no, you know, it makes you feel less than. And so it does come down to exactly that having boundaries.

[00:18:40] And I think that's why in my approach where I say, I marry the magical with the practical. So the magical is, you know, the energetic relationship with money, how you feel about money, your mindset is part of that, you know, that programming those stories. But then the practical is really important and the two need to work together. And on the practical side, it comes down to having a plan for your money so that it's not so much about we're saying no to this. It's we're saying yes to this. This is

[00:19:09] our priority right now, you know, setting up a really good financial buffer, making sure that we have this sorted. This is our current goal. And so is our current goal to go on a really expensive overseas holiday or to go out to dinner three times a week? Well, no, it's not. So we're saying yes to this. And just that little perspective shift really makes a difference. And then, you know, when you have

[00:19:36] those conversations with yourself, with your partner, with your children, with your friends, even it's like, well, right now we're focusing on other things. So no, we don't have air conditioning, bring a fan. I love that. Well, it's the magical side. When you talk about abundance and wealth mindset, is that kind of that magical side? Or do you see them?

[00:20:04] No, no, I think the mindset, like all the internal things that we can't really see to me, that's the magical side. You know, two people can have the same income, the same circumstances and do really different things with it financially. And so what is that? What is the difference? Well, one has a different set of beliefs and a whole different attitude. They see what they do have rather than

[00:20:29] what they don't have. They focus on, you know, I always say to everyone I work with, if you find five cents on the street, pick it up and kiss it because it's the energy of money. It's the same energy that the five cents has as the five million has. And so it's about training your focus and actually seeing the abundance instead of what's missing. And so that's really, it is very much about retraining

[00:20:57] ourselves. And first, before we retrain, we need to become aware, we need to notice that we're doing it in the first place, which a lot of us don't until we choose to. Well, or they have someone who helps them like you do, you know, that you could help them see something. I think we do get rather blind in our and attached to our stories. We don't want to give them up. That's right. No, no, people do. They get very

[00:21:24] attached and they'll fight for their stories and say, but that's true. Like, that's my reality. I'm like, yeah, well, you want to keep creating that same reality. You hang on tight. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I, I think, well, I would just wonder what you want us to remember if you were to kind of state to our

[00:21:46] audience, what's like the most important thing for them to remember about scarcity and abundance and money and, and wealth. I mean, it just seems like it's so big for us. So many aspects to it. Yeah. There, there, it's can feel really overwhelming and you kind of go,

[00:22:15] where do I begin? And so my answer to that would be stick with the baby steps, you know, don't try to eat the whole elephant at once, stick with the baby steps. And so we're talking baby steps, both in building your awareness around, Oh, this I'm actually spending 90% of my day obsessing and catastrophizing about my finances instead of being grateful for what I do have. So work on that little

[00:22:45] by little, and also work on getting better at managing your money little by little. It doesn't have to be one big overwhelming thing. But I think the most important thing to remember in terms of that magical side is that the world will really be your mirror. So whatever's going on for you, you know, it's a little bit of humble pie, but recognize that you created that based on your

[00:23:11] past actions, your past beliefs, your past energetic alignment and what you put out there. And so, you know, it's kind of like leftover soup. You're going to need to get through it, but stop ordering more. That's great. Oh, well, Mary, we could go on forever. I mean, this is such a big topic.

[00:23:40] It's why I always love covering it on the show, because I do think, man, there's a lot of beliefs underneath this and things that we have to, and especially when you have a partner and you're trying to navigate how things go there. But how can our listeners find you and get, I know you've got some books and maybe you can tell them about them.

[00:24:02] Yeah. So they can find me on my website, which is miriamcastilla.com. And you'll find links to pretty much everything there, including the money habit archetype quiz that we talked about, which is a really good place to start. It just opens the conversation. The books you mentioned, I have a really great book that I published a couple of years ago now called the five minute

[00:24:30] magnetic money management system. So it walks you through, pardon me, how to set up your practical money system so that it only takes you five minutes a week to actually manage your finances, business and personal, because it doesn't need to be hard. So that's, that link will be on the website. You can just order it from Amazon and yeah, there's lots of little goodies there. So go have an explore.

[00:24:55] Cool. Yeah. I had really a lot of fun taking that quiz. So I hope everybody goes and checks it out. So I ask all the guests, what would you tell your 20 something self today? Oh, that's a really good question. Look, I'm 55 now. So there's been a lot of water under the bridge and a lot of really testing times in life. And I think that I would tell my 20 something self

[00:25:22] that the most important thing from a financial point of view is to make sure that you have some really solid buffers in place so that you can weather the storms without, without the financial side of things becoming the biggest stress factor. So, you know, I've gone through divorces, loss of my partner, all sorts of amazingly challenging things and having financial buffers and having built

[00:25:53] myself has allowed me to do what I needed to do to take care of myself without having to worry about the finances. So I would tell my 20 something self to stop buying so many shoes and just, and just start investing earlier. But she did good. She did good. Big pat on the back for her. She got me

[00:26:15] here. Well, I think one of the best advices we got when we started really, you know, the kids were really, really young and we said, okay, we got to get a plan together. And our financial guy told us, don't count on your house as part of your assets. Like, don't even think about that. Just think about

[00:26:44] cash, you know, like what you're, what you would have and how you would live. And that really impacted us because so many people, especially in our area, the Silicon Valley have a lot of their assets in their, their home value and what it is, but, you know, things happen, things like earthquakes, fires, you know, all of a sudden you're without the house. And it really made sense to us that like,

[00:27:13] oh, don't count on that because, you know, that may not be. And I thought that was just really good advice for us. I could, of course, it made us a little bit more paranoid, but it's okay. It made us save a little bit more. Yeah. No, I think that's really great advice, not just for people who live in like a area like you do where nature can just wipe things out,

[00:27:41] but just in general, you know, I do say all the time, you can't eat your house. So it doesn't matter what your house is worth. You know, people come over and say, oh, your house must be worth, you know, a good sum now. I'm like, yeah, but it doesn't matter because I can't eat the house. Yeah. So you need your house as your personal asset. And, you know, so there, there is a case

[00:28:05] to be made for, let's keep it to what makes you happy, but maybe spend more money in investing. Yeah. Because that is what determines your ability to have options and choices and freedom in life. Yeah. That's so good. So lastly, I know you said you got a chance to go to the store. What, what card can I send you?

[00:28:29] I would love, thank you very much for offering to the trust your gut card, because I have been, that has been my mantra recently to, especially to all my small business owners, trust your gut. Yep. You've got this. Yes. You already know more than enough. Yeah. Well, especially with the, with the way that you offer your, your services,

[00:28:53] you're covering both the magical and the grounded part of things. So, so good. I can see that that would be a good choice. Thank you for picking that one. And thank you for coming on the show. I think it was so good for us to just sort of remember how, you know, it's still stories. We can shift the way we look at things. Sometimes we just need a little help seeing what's happening

[00:29:23] and we actually can get along with our partners in this area. Yes. That's a good takeaway, isn't it? There is hope yet. Definitely. So thank you, Miriam, very much. Oh, my total pleasure. Thank you for such a beautiful conversation, Yolanda. Let's stop here. Thank you. Thank you.