What if understanding our patterns isn't the same as changing them?
In this episode of Girl, Take the Lead!, I talk with Riana Malia, a Board-Certified Integrative Neurosomatic Practitioner and identity architect for high-achieving women.
Riana's own journey—and the work that grew from it—invites us to look at the stories and patterns we carry, what can keep us repeating them even when we understand them, and the role clarity can play in creating something different.
As Riana puts it:
“We have to clear the story to create the life.”
We explore her approach of Clear, Create, Claim and some deceptively simple questions:
Who are you now?
What do you want?
And what happens when beliefs like I can't have it, I don't deserve it, I'm not worthy, or I'm too old make those questions difficult to answer?
I also get a little vulnerable in this conversation.
Before we recorded, I took Riana's Extraordinary Love Index™, a 30-question assessment designed to identify patterns that may be influencing our relationships.
My result?
“She Carries.”
That one landed.
I've spent much of my life being the person who takes care of things, figures things out, and carries more than I probably need to.
In This Episode, We Explore:
- Riana's personal journey and how it shaped the work she does today
- The difference between understanding a pattern and actually changing it
- Her Clear, Create, Claim framework
- Why getting clear about our values, desires, and non-negotiables matters
- The beliefs that can make it difficult to name what we really want
- The Extraordinary Love Index™ and my “She Carries” pattern
- Why high-achieving women may be particularly comfortable carrying and managing
- What it can mean to allow someone else to step forward
- Receiving care rather than always being the one providing it
- What Riana would tell her 20-something self today
- The Brave Butterfly card she chose and its connection to transformation
Three Takeaways
1. Knowing our patterns isn't necessarily the same as changing them.
Understanding where something came from and why we do what we do can be valuable—but awareness may be the beginning rather than the end of change.
2. Clarity matters.
Before we can create something different, we have to allow ourselves to ask what we actually want—not what we think we should want, what we've learned to accept, or what we believe is available to us.
3. Being capable doesn't mean we have to carry everything.
There can be strength in letting someone else step forward, allowing ourselves to receive rather than manage, and sometimes deciding that something doesn't need to be carried at all.
About Riana Malia
Riana Malia is a Board-Certified Integrative Neurosomatic Practitioner and identity architect for high-achieving women who have built extraordinary lives but are seeking love that matches them.
She is the creator of The Extraordinary Love Method™ and the Extraordinary Love Index™ and has spent the past decade working with hundreds of clients. Riana has appeared on more than 100 podcasts and is the author of The Last Piece on Substack.
Take the Extraordinary Love Index™
Connect with Riana
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rianamalia/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RianaMalia/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rianamalia/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@rianamalia
Coming Next
Our conversation left me thinking about one more question.
We talk a lot about loving ourselves. But how well do we actually care for ourselves?
And what can make that difficult—especially when we're accustomed to achieving, carrying, fixing, and taking care of everyone else?
That's where I'll go in the next Sound Bite:
Caring for Ourselves: What Can Get in the Way?
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