334. Are You Living as Yourself? The Tension Between Belonging & Authenticity - Tayyaba Jordan

[00:00:06] [SPEAKER_01] Welcome back to Girl, Take the Lead! and I'm your host, Yolanda Canny. Have you ever stopped to wonder whether you're living as yourself or as the person you think others expect you to be? We all want to belong, but sometimes in our effort to fit in, we begin to lose touch with who we really are.

[00:00:26] [SPEAKER_01] My guest today is Tayyaba Jordan, a peak performance coach and founder of Lead Like a Human. For the past decade, she's worked with successful leaders, helping them reconnect with themselves and discover what it means to live and lead more authentically.

[00:00:46] [SPEAKER_01] Tayyaba's own journey began with a childhood fascination about what it means to be normal, to fit in and to belong. Today we're exploring the tension between belonging and authenticity, the role of intuition and self-trust, and what happens when we begin listening to ourselves rather than looking outward for validation.

[00:01:11] [SPEAKER_01] Let's get into it. Here you go. So, Tayyaba, welcome to Girl Take the Lead. We're so excited to have you with us today and have this great conversation.

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_00] Oh, thank you so much. I'm really excited to be here. I've sort of had a really good look at what you do and it just is so lovely, some beautiful conversation. So I'm really excited to be part of that.

[00:01:31] [SPEAKER_01] Thank you so much. And let's start if you would introduce yourself to our audience so they get to know you.

[00:01:37] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, absolutely. So my name is Tayyaba Jordan. For the last 10 years, I've been a peak performance coach working in the corporate world with private equity companies, private finance, family offices, a bit of mergers and acquisitions. Before that, I worked in the world, which my lighting is not very reflective of that, but I was a set designer for 20 years, which I absolutely loved.

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_00] I loved the work and I kind of pride myself with sort of thinking that I've never really had a proper job, if you like. I don't know the definition for a proper job is, I don't know.

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah, yeah. Well, tell us a little bit about, you have insights into Lead Like a Human that I think our audience would really like to hear about. And I think it relates somewhat to your story when you were a young girl.

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, I mean, I think Lead Like a Human was born of 10 years of coaching in rooms where I saw humans in front of me who were unable to say the things that they wanted to say in their life. And a lot of the people I work with are leaders. And suddenly, you know, we created this space, this psychological safe space for people to say what they were really feeling, what they're really thinking.

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_00] And that brand sort of developed from there. And now it's kind of, it's a mastermind, which allows exactly the same thing. And we do these kind of lunches as well, where, you know, we are looking at, you know, the real you, the really aligned you, which is what my brand is all about, I suppose.

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_00] And yeah, it comes from a very early age. I guess I grew up as a, in a sort of white middle class area of just outside London, a place called Essex, which many people know, because in the 90s, the Essex girl was a bit of a joke. But where we grew up, it was predominantly white. And, you know, there's very few Indian, Asian people there. And we were raised as pretty strict Muslims.

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_00] And it was, you know, it was an interesting upbringing. We had a happy life. It wasn't really a problem at all. We were very happy. And we were raised by a father that offered us the option of opting out or questioning and arguing. So we would often argue about things like, you know, why can't we eat pork? Or why do we have to cover our heads and things like that? And he would say, you know, this is the reason why, if you don't agree, blah, blah, blah.

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_00] But from a very early age, what I realised was that we were different. You know, our neighbours were on their bikes. We were praying five times a day. You know, their house smelt different. The way they interacted with each other was very different. And I think in that kind of observation, I must have been about seven when I first started to realise that I wanted to fit in.

[00:04:44] [SPEAKER_00] So I went on this kind of lifelong pursuit, I suppose, of what is normal? You know, are they normal? Am I normal? Like, what is normal? And I think that led me to this path of kind of like a forensic scientist, almost micro observations, watching how people talk to each other, how people interact, you know, what they say, how we talk to each other compared to how our neighbours, compared to how our teachers, you know, it was just human, you know,

[00:05:13] [SPEAKER_00] watching human beings from a very, very, very young age. And I think that kind of fascination has really come into its own in the work that I do now, because obviously I'm coaching and I'm, you know, intuition and understanding of people's body language and behaviour, before they've even said anything, can often give me so much.

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_00] And I think that combined with my dad was a psychologist, he was a philosopher, he studied medicine. We were surrounded in this language of, you know, psychology, really, you know, human psychology was basically what he would harp on about the whole time. And he was ahead of his time. So he, we were doing things like affirmations at a very young age. We were offered the kind of option of ambition and going, getting what we wanted, if we wanted so desired in our life.

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_00] So yeah, that all of those things combined had a huge impact on getting to the real crux of the human being, understanding them from the inside out.

[00:06:20] [SPEAKER_01] So do you think that authenticity, like when we try and find ourselves in those moments, but yet there's this tension, I think, about trying to fit in and belong and that we shift ourselves. I mean, do you, do you have some thoughts on that now that when you look about, when you think about authenticity and what you learned in your own journey about that?

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, I think ultimately, I mean, it's interesting you use those two words, actually, because they could be seen as sort of opposites, if you like, but authenticity and belonging are two separate strong, like things that we need to have within ourselves. And I think that in all of my discovery of learning what normal was, what I really discovered was there was no such thing as normal.

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_00] And what I really learned was that the human being was so diverse, and actually, that we should celebrate that the ultimate diversity is the ultimate in, you know, when the individual is ultimately themselves. Because what I spend a lot of time doing is working with people that have got imposter syndrome. So they've, a lot of the people I work with are super successful. You know, they've got everything they need, all the boxes are ticked, but they don't know who they are.

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_00] And even though you might belong to somewhere, if you don't know who you are, and you're operating a version of yourself that is the demand of your environment, then you are inauthentic. Belonging, I think, is hugely important. But to truly belong, you have to be completely aligned, you know, or not completely, as an exaggeration, but you need to be authentic within that, because otherwise you don't feel like you belong. Yeah.

[00:08:18] [SPEAKER_00] Sorry.

[00:08:19] [SPEAKER_01] I was just going to ask, so is it that instead of coming from yourself, you're coming from the validation of others, you're looking outward as opposed to inward?

[00:08:34] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah. It's either that the system is stronger than you, so you're in a system that demands a certain version of you, or you've got a message, a historical narrative that's given you an idea of who you should be. And or, you know, someone once said something to you, these stamps of trauma that we live with, and then you're living that, or you're disproving that, or you're trying to, like, show the world that you're not that, or that you are that.

[00:08:59] [SPEAKER_00] So there's a lot of things that reveal, you know, inauthenticity in a human being. And actually, when you're not aligned to who you are, you can go through your life and be successful and appear to be, you know, doing fine. And everyone can look on the outside. It's just how you feel inside. It's just that you don't feel like, you know, excited by life or taking life with two hands.

[00:09:28] [SPEAKER_00] There's something about, there's a misalignment within you that probably needs to be addressed or looked at. Or just, you know, there's three questions I ask people all the time. You know, one is, do you know what you want out of life? Do you know what direction you're heading in? And are you happy?

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_00] Because if you know what you really want, what your real definition of success is, or what your real definition of fulfillment is, then, you know, then you're every day waking up, walking towards that path or within that realm. Whereas if you don't know, the system or whatever surrounding you're in will guide you.

[00:10:14] [SPEAKER_00] Or the historic narrative, or, you know, there's something that someone's told you, or the parent or the figure of authority. So, I often say to people, I help you to reveal you to you. Because, you know, maybe you've been living a version of yourself for so long, it's been really hard to get back to who you really are. Does that mean you change everything? No, you just have to allow more of you to come into your life, that's all.

[00:10:44] [SPEAKER_01] Sometimes I think we kind of get stuck on what we think being authentic is. Like, I need now to be this certain person. And we lose flexibility, maybe. Different moves we can make. Because we're kind of stuck on who that persona is.

[00:11:14] [SPEAKER_01] And I can remember early on, when I was first playing around with finding my voice, you know, that it came out really harsh. Like, I'm tough, you know. And then I tried playing really compassionate.

[00:11:36] [SPEAKER_01] You know, it was like, I didn't understand that there were all these different moves and ways that I could be. I thought I had to be a certain way. Yeah.

[00:11:50] [SPEAKER_00] Wow.

[00:11:51] [SPEAKER_01] And so one of the things I think you offer people are like, oh no, you got, you got, you, I can still feel very, like I just put up an episode about, or I just recorded an episode about when someone diminishes you. Oh yes. Right? So in the moment, I think in the past, I was stuck.

[00:12:16] [SPEAKER_01] I was like, oh, I'm supposed to say something really brilliant right now. Because, you know, my throat is closed and tears are coming. But as I start to get to know myself and know that that diminishment was actually coming from a person who's rather insecure or whatever is their thing.

[00:12:44] [SPEAKER_01] Like, it's really not about me. Right? And so I find that there are all kinds of moves I can make and still be authentic. Like, like I don't, like I could respond or I don't need to respond or I could say this or I could say that. And it's all, all coming from me.

[00:13:08] [SPEAKER_00] And your reaction to that, you know, domineering person is also authentic. That's your reality. That's your truth. That's the history of your past. Or that's the way that, you know, somebody has traumatized you in the past.

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah.

[00:13:22] [SPEAKER_00] It's not about, I think it's not about being, I think authenticity don't, let's not mistake it with feeling like every move we make is right. Because you can be authentic and broken because that's, you know, very recently actually, it's been 10 years since I've been doing this work. And actually this week I've started a social media campaign to be more honest about who I am. I'm in the corporate world.

[00:13:50] [SPEAKER_00] So it's not seen very favorably to be being too, you know, honest and open where some social media accounts is completely fine. Some industries. And I just decided actually now is the time. I had three months in the summer where I was unwell. I fell down the stairs. I was laid up for four weeks. I am. And then they did these scans to check internal bleeding and breaking bones and things like that. And they found some growths.

[00:14:18] [SPEAKER_00] And then that, that led to another whole, you know, kind of sort of investigation. And that led to a little operation and then biopsies. And by the end of August, thankfully, I found out that it was all in the clear. But in those three months, it was hideous. And I didn't feel like I could share that or tell anyone that because you just didn't do that in the corporate world.

[00:14:47] [SPEAKER_00] And so I, you know, it had a profound impact on my income. As you can imagine, I work for myself. So, and it's had, therefore, it's had a profound impact on my current months because it's catching up. It's trying to rebuild. And then the pressure's on. So all of that was something that I was willing to just, oh, let's just put it under the table, under the shelf, out of the way. And then I realised how inauthentic I was being. Now, I don't need any prizes and I'm not trying to preach.

[00:15:16] [SPEAKER_00] But it's, it made me feel a hypocrite, hypocritical. And I thought I have to, you know, it's social media. I have to own my own truth when it comes to those sorts of things. But the definition of authenticity depends on what stage in your life you're at and how willing you are to be compassionate and accept who you are. It's also, it's also diminished by fear.

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_00] Because with, with, with fear, what happens is we keep our world small. We keep our understanding of the things that we need to know small. We don't branch out. We don't expand. And, you know, therefore we don't create. And we are, our creativity is not just about what we do in the world. It's about how we think of ourselves. And it also, it kind of opens doors to possibility.

[00:16:07] [SPEAKER_00] So creativity, so fear being, oh no, I better carry on doing what I'm doing and staying in this job and learn as much as I can about this one thing so that I can be a complete expert means that you are getting smaller and smaller and smaller in your world. And therefore, if anything challenges that or you suddenly find yourself feeling empty in that career, you are very limited as to what you can do. I just need to find this, this lane in another company and go there again.

[00:16:34] [SPEAKER_00] So, you know, a little bit of what I do and it is, it's not really woo-woo, but it's got a slight woo-woo to it. It's about going, diving into things like joy and spirituality and creativity and, you know, really getting to know the person from their past, their childhoods, what creativity meant to them when they were little and older and da-da-da-da.

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_00] And trying to find that, pick out like a detective, the things that perhaps could potentially make people feel like, you know, more joyous every day because they're actually able to be creative. But I'm just going to add one thing because if you're a super creative person, if you were like playing the piano and doing art when you were in your younger years and you're not doing it now,

[00:17:23] [SPEAKER_00] you are limiting your brain's ability to basically use that part of your brain. If you shut it down, it won't kind of cross-pollinate all the thoughts that you have. So we need to open it up because then those nerve pathways, oh, they exponentially, you know, expand and allow us to think about things differently.

[00:17:45] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah. Yeah. I, I love what you say about just being able to move differently, see creativity, um, being the benefit of some of that, you know, that we open those doors. I mean, I have felt that myself, um, and, and we'll get to that, but I know that we kind of talked a little bit about belonging, but you and I are both good fans of Brene Brown and she said about belonging.

[00:18:16] [SPEAKER_01] We have to belong to ourselves as much as we need to belong to others. Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging. And kind of like you, she worked in the spiritual aspect of it. Sharing our most authentic self with the world and finding sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. Wow. You know, I think that, um,

[00:18:47] [SPEAKER_01] intuition and, and the different skills that you're helping your clients develop are definitely benefiting those areas of belonging and also their spirituality. It's like you're covering both.

[00:19:03] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, it is. It's a, it's a funny one because I am working with people that you wouldn't imagine would be open to listening to those kind of conversations, but gosh, they really are because we, because we tie it so much to who they are now and who they were then. And, you know, real kind of tangible examples of where these things existed, but they must go hand in hand. They can't be, you know, separate. And, um, I mean, I do love Brené Brown, you know, when she talks about belonging in the wilderness.

[00:19:33] [SPEAKER_00] Belonging is something I've spent a lot of time looking at recently, actually. Um, and only because again, it's my reflection of my sort of upbringing, if you like, because, you know, I'm, my origin is actually India, Pakistan and Persia and at Iran. And, but I'm British, right? So I grew up in this country, but there's a weird feeling when you are from another country,

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER_00] but your nationality, like many Americans, you know, is in this country. You never quite belong. You know, we're not saying this is racism, but we're just saying the feeling of belonging. And I remember going to, um, Pakistan with my mum. She, you know, my father died quite young, unfortunately, but after he passed away, we went over to Pakistan and I must've been 20 something.

[00:20:29] [SPEAKER_00] And I remember we were wearing all the out, you know, the full shebang trying to fit in. And, um, hilariously, we must've looked really out of place because all we could feel eyes on us. People were just looking at us because either our hair or the clothes we were wearing or the shoes we were wearing or something about us made us not look like we were from Pakistan. And I remember just going, oh my God, this is like really interesting. I can't, I don't, we don't belong here.

[00:20:57] [SPEAKER_00] You know, we can't speak the language very well. And, you know, we just look different apparently. Um, and it really set me on this trajectory of like, is it important to feel like you belong in a physical geographical place? I'm a massive Liverpool football fan. I don't know if you're into football, but, and I just think, oh, it must be so wonderful to have grown up in Merseyside and all of your family are from that part of the world.

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_00] And then you grow up there and you become a Liverpool football fan and you go and watch it, you know, in Anfield with all the other, you know, Liverpoolians and or what generally not actually. But that must be that feeling of like stepping on the ground of the land that you belong to and being and supporting a team of the city that you belong to, that your whole family is from. I just don't know what that feeling feels like. And I think I sort of crave a bit of that feeling.

[00:21:53] [SPEAKER_00] Um, and I had a bit of that feeling when I went to Dubai. So I spent a couple of years working in Dubai. And, you know, for, for, for two years, I took 22 flights in two years. I was there every month. And Dubai has this very interesting kind of, um, demographic, right? So it's got all of the, um, kind of, uh, Arabs or the Dubai, you know, the Emiratis, uh, that they live.

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_00] And then there's this huge, huge, bigger than the Emirati, um, uh, contingency amount of like expats. And so suddenly you're in this, this kind of country that's full of expats, um, from all over the world. And suddenly the, the kind of playing field is level. And you suddenly, I suddenly felt like I belonged because everybody was an expat. And so therefore we all sort of didn't belong, if you like.

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_00] Like, and in that way, we all sort of belonged to the fact that we didn't belong, you know, and it was this weird kind of feeling. And I've always loved Dubai for that because it always felt like you belong. I always felt like I belonged. I felt like I had as much, I had sort of almost more right and possibility there than sometimes I feel like I have here. Not really. And it's not a major thing, but definitely there was something about that. That was like, Oh, this is interesting. Yeah.

[00:23:18] [SPEAKER_01] But yeah, I totally get what you're talking about when you belong and the feeling of belonging. I grew up in my father was first generation Mexican and my mother was very Anglo.

[00:23:37] [SPEAKER_01] And that mix was always, did I, when I'd go to my grandma's house and we had tacos and all the Mexican food, you know, I mean, totally belong. When I went to my mother's family and we had to, you know, use the correct spoon and the correct fork. And it was, it was like, where do I go? You know, it was just very uncomfortable.

[00:24:04] [SPEAKER_01] But I think what happens is like, what you're saying is we learn to dance in some of that. Yeah. And, um, I can relate to both and, and recently I was just in, in another state in, um, I live in California, but I went to Ohio and I realized that the diversity mix there is very different.

[00:24:33] [SPEAKER_01] They want, I live with here in California. And I was like, Oh, isn't this interesting? Like you were saying, like going to Dubai. It's like, I didn't fit. I didn't belong. I was clear. I didn't belong. But yet I went, well, I can, I can handle this. And I would go right up to the people and go, well, I'm from California, but I don't know where to find this. Can you help me? You would own it. You would own it. I totally own it.

[00:25:03] [SPEAKER_01] And say, and then they would go, California, what are you doing here? Are you visiting family? I mean, it was like, it became a way to connect. Yeah. And I think that's another thing that happens for us when we're in tuned to ourselves that we can connect differently. There's different strategies we can use than just being rigid about something.

[00:25:30] [SPEAKER_00] I just think there's so much to say about that. I think connecting is something that I love to do. So I love people. And I think that most of the time, there are very few barriers for me to connect with somebody. There's almost, I can almost talk to anybody. And I think that willingness to connect, that openness to be is super important.

[00:25:58] [SPEAKER_00] And owning who you are is such an interesting thing because it has made me think there are times in my life where I am frightened to own who I am, even though it's obvious who I am. But there are places or things or circumstances where I haven't. And it's weird because we weren't raised like that. We were raised to really own who we were.

[00:26:24] [SPEAKER_00] And in fact, my dad was so bold, brazen about it. He just said, you know, you will come across racism. It is, he described it almost like it was a natural, normal thing. I think prejudice and racism were described side by side.

[00:26:43] [SPEAKER_00] And he said that, and in fact, actually, he even to our younger selves explained to us that the world was kind of the countries were formed and people moved towards people that they recognized, looked like, felt the same as, you know, that's how the world was formed. And that's what he said. And so we were like, oh, OK, that makes a lot of sense.

[00:27:03] [SPEAKER_00] I mean, he was a race relations officer, but he wanted us to not allow us being a different color skin or culture to get in the way of anything that we wanted to do. And so he handed us that sort of, well, you can do whatever you want. You know, it doesn't really matter. You just, if you work hard enough, you can do whatever you want. You know, he did imply that perhaps we might have to work slightly harder, be slightly smarter, be slightly more, you know, educated.

[00:27:31] [SPEAKER_00] But he was, you know, he was here in the 60s, 70s, 80s. He unfortunately died in the 90s. But so he, yeah, I think it's it is an interesting thing. It is an interesting thing belonging. And I think the best thing that Brené Brown says is that you need to belong to yourself. Yeah. A little bit of the work that I do is to help people to reintroduce themselves to themselves, to re-belong to themselves.

[00:28:00] [SPEAKER_00] And a thing that I think we've stopped doing that we did when we were younger, when we had less information, was we listened to our bodies. And we've stopped doing that. We've stopped listening. So if our bodies are telling us something, a headache. Simple things. Simple things. Then, you know, we need to listen to what's going on and why. And if our hearts are telling us something or if our guts are telling us something or if our heads are telling us something, you know, we don't.

[00:28:30] [SPEAKER_00] We're going to so many other places before we're listening to ourselves. Or we are validating what's going on with our bodies by getting information. And I think that's, I think we have all the information. And sometimes I think we just need to listen, not so much for ailments, but for other things.

[00:28:49] [SPEAKER_01] So is that kind of the intuitive self that you're talking about?

[00:28:52] [SPEAKER_00] I mean, I think I know that when I was in a marriage that wasn't working, I knew I had to get out. But I didn't listen to my gut. I listened to everyone else and everything else and all of the societal pressures and everything else. And I just stayed and I stayed and I stayed and stayed until I was broken. And things like that.

[00:29:21] [SPEAKER_00] Yes, my guts, my heart and my head were saying, get out of there. What are you doing in there? Get out. But I just didn't listen. The pressure of systems, the pressure of information, the pressure of people, you know, peer pressure and all that. I think it's more to do with that.

[00:29:41] [SPEAKER_01] It also sounds a little bit like self-trust.

[00:29:44] [SPEAKER_00] Oh, yeah. Well, I think is self-trust. I always equate the two. So you've got intuition and instinct. And I think they are sitting in self-trust. Like if you, you know, the more you trust yourself, the less you look outside yourself. You know, when we make decisions in life, some people spend ages researching and looking and finding and finding the answer and looking for the thing here and asking the mom and asking the brother and asking the sister.

[00:30:14] [SPEAKER_00] And then, you know, and all of those things are indications of the fact that there's some sort of turmoil in the way that you think about life and how you feel about yourself, that you need it to be validated so strongly by so many people. Because then it's probably right. Whereas your own intuition, you know, you don't trust it enough. And, you know, there are reasons in different scenarios. It's a bit of a blanket statement.

[00:30:41] [SPEAKER_00] But, yeah, I would say intuition and instinct to me equals self-trust.

[00:30:50] [SPEAKER_01] It's a great formula. I love that formula. Really, really nice. And we've been, I think we've covered quite a bit for our audience to think about and to relate to and go deeper into themselves and find those nuggets that they can speak into.

[00:31:16] [SPEAKER_01] I think sometimes it's such a process of discovery. Like, oh, there's that thing. I didn't realize that pattern was there. Or where did that come from? Or who gave me that? Such good questions to be involved in and taking a look at. But so we do come from authenticity and the things that really matter to us.

[00:31:41] [SPEAKER_01] So thank you so much for bringing such deep insights to us today. Is there anything else you'd like to say that's on your mind that we can leave them with? I think we...

[00:31:55] [SPEAKER_00] I mean, no, not really. I think we don't ask ourselves enough if we are happy. I think always check what is the definition of success that's like dictating your life at the moment. Because success is, you know, your own version of success needs to be very aligned to what you want from your life. So just have a look at those two things. I often think they're hard questions. They're simple questions, but they're hard to answer.

[00:32:22] [SPEAKER_00] So I always just say, write something down in the front and the back of the book and just keep adding to it to work out well.

[00:32:29] Right.

[00:32:30] [SPEAKER_01] So how can our folks get in touch with you or find you and follow you? It sounds like you're doing a fair amount of social media. What are some of those platforms you're using?

[00:32:42] [SPEAKER_00] I don't do a fair amount of social media. I don't do enough social media because I don't really love it. I'm on LinkedIn and I'm on Instagram or you can get me on my website, which is leadlikeahuman.co.uk. Great. So that's like Tayyaba Jordan for both of those.

[00:33:03] [SPEAKER_01] And can they work with you even if they're virtual?

[00:33:05] [SPEAKER_00] Like you're open to?

[00:33:06] [SPEAKER_01] Oh, yeah.

[00:33:07] [SPEAKER_00] I work with people in New York. I've got clients in Cyprus, Spain. I've worked all over.

[00:33:12] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah. There we go. And, you know, the question that I ask all my guests. So what would you tell your 20 something self today?

[00:33:23] [SPEAKER_00] You know, I was trying to not listen to other people that have given this answer because it's so easy to go, oh, I would do that. I would do that. I think I would tell my 20 something self that it's all going to be okay. It's all going to be okay because I lost my father at 18. And I think at 20, I was going wild at university and a little bit rudderless.

[00:33:52] [SPEAKER_00] So I wanted to, I was trying so desperately to work out what life was at that young age, having just lost the most important person in my life. So I would probably turn around and just say, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. Nothing is that, nothing is that big. Nothing is that important.

[00:34:10] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah. Did you explore a lot when you were in your 20s? Did you travel or?

[00:34:18] [SPEAKER_00] I didn't travel a lot because we grew up, we had very little money in the household that I grew up in, five children. And, but since I started earning, I've traveled a hell of a lot. And it's my favorite thing to do and actually experiencing the world is, you know, it's what I encourage my children to do. It's what I definitely feel like is my calling. I love traveling. And so I've done loads of countries.

[00:34:46] [SPEAKER_00] I should have one of those kind of charts where you kind of scrub out the bit of the country that you've done, like the transfers. And yeah, I love traveling. Good.

[00:34:55] [SPEAKER_01] Well, I know you got a chance to go to our online store and pick something for yourself. What was it?

[00:35:01] [SPEAKER_00] I loved, there was this beautiful picture that I love. Orange is one of my favorite colors and it says brave on it. It's got this wonderful feminine woman with orange hair and a kind of black and white, almost like newsprint in the background. I just really love the image and the word because this is my year to be brave.

[00:35:23] [SPEAKER_00] I am going to be, in Brené Brown's words, daring greatly and jumping off a ledge with a parachute that I have been waiting to do for quite a long time. I'm going all out, going bold. Good.

[00:35:40] [SPEAKER_01] Well, keep us informed in what you do because I would love to keep our audience informed of how things are going for you. And it'll be my pleasure to send you that card. And you can just be reminded of how brave you are and how courageous and that vulnerability that you show. It's just gorgeous. And it's such a great example for all of us. So thank you so much for being with us today.

[00:36:04] [SPEAKER_00] Thank you so much, Yolanda. I really, really have enjoyed it. Thank you.

[00:36:07] Yeah.

[00:36:09] [SPEAKER_00] Look forward to my card.

[00:36:11] [SPEAKER_01] What a wonderful conversation with Tayaba. There's so much here to reflect on. I'd like to leave you with three takeaways. First, belonging and authenticity aren't necessarily the same thing. We can fit into a group, an organization, or even a family and still feel disconnected from ourselves.

[00:36:33] [SPEAKER_01] As Tayaba reminded us, sometimes we're living the version of ourselves that our environment expects rather than who we really are. True belonging begins with making room for ourselves too. Second, becoming more authentic doesn't mean we have to change everything.

[00:36:54] [SPEAKER_01] I loved her observation that sometimes we simply need to allow more of ourselves into the lives we're already living. Maybe that means reconnecting. Maybe that means reconnecting with our creativity, questioning an old belief, or giving ourselves permission to want something different. And third, self-trust matters. Tayaba connected intuition and instinct with self-trust.

[00:37:23] [SPEAKER_01] And I think that's such an important reminder. How often do we look outside ourselves for answers or validation when we haven't really stopped to listen to what we already know? That last takeaway got me thinking about something I've struggled with myself. What happens when we don't trust ourselves because we're afraid of getting something wrong?

[00:37:50] [SPEAKER_01] Maybe someone will be angry with us or disappointed in us. Maybe we won't say the right thing. And maybe that fear keeps us from saying anything at all. And that's what I'll be exploring in our next episode. It's a soundbite. Number 334. Self-trust. What if I get it wrong? We'll look at how fear can keep us silent.

[00:38:19] [SPEAKER_01] What happens when we stuff our feelings down. And how compassionate curiosity might offer another way forward. A big thank you to Tayaba for sharing her wisdom and her personal experience with us. And I'd love to leave you with a question. Where in your life might you be looking for someone else's approval? When you could be listening to yourself.

[00:38:50] [SPEAKER_01] If you enjoyed today's conversation, please share it with someone who might benefit from it. And follow Girl Take the Lead so you don't miss what's coming next. Until next time, remember, listen inward and lead outward. Talk to you soon. Bye.