223. Thought Habits, Boundaries & Resentment: Breaking Free with Amy Kemp

[00:00:06] Welcome to episode 223 of Girl, Take the Lead, where each week we explore womanhood and leadership. And I'm your host, Yolanda Canny. Amy Kemp, Gen X, is the owner and CEO of Amy Kemp Inc. and joins us to talk about her book, I See You, a guide for women to make more, have more, and be more, without more work. This sounds so good, right?

[00:00:35] Amy wrote this book for all the women doing important work and having accomplishments, and they're having a life experience. And very few people understand it, let alone really see it. In her work with her growing company, Amy helps leaders and business professionals understand how deeply thought habits impact every part of their work and life.

[00:01:04] So we'll have a lot to talk about that. And you'll also learn about finding our natural genius, the six most important list, boundaries and boundary spectrum, resentment, and intuition. All juicy topics, right? Oh yeah. Enjoy the episode. And here you go. So Amy, welcome to Girl, Take the Lead. I'm so excited to have this conversation with you.

[00:01:34] So I'm so grateful to be here. I can't wait. Yeah. And why don't we start first by you introducing yourself to our listeners and viewers? Yeah, I'd love to. I live in the Chicagoland area. I am a business owner. I've been an entrepreneur for over 25 years, though my first career was as a high school English teacher.

[00:01:58] Very brief, but nonetheless. I also am a mom of three. I have kind of grown, but 21, 18 and 13 year old children and a husband who is a basketball coach and assistant principal.

[00:02:16] My work is sacred to me. I have the honor and privilege of holding space for people who are leading, growing, changing their subconscious habits of thinking. And it is some of the most gratifying work I've ever done. So. And you're an author. Oh, I am. That's new.

[00:02:45] Oh, it's like the latest addition to the accolades. Yeah, I published my very first book last year called I See You. And it is a guide for women who want more influence, income and impact without more work. I wish I had read it so much earlier in my career. There were so many great ideas in it.

[00:03:13] And what? So. When we think about your book, the title of it. I mean, how did you come to that? And I imagine that it definitely came out of your desire to do the book and the reason you did it, but such a good title. Thank you. I actually had to kind of fight for it. They didn't want me to use it.

[00:03:42] It kind of a funny reason is because when you hear it, if you say, I see you, they didn't want it to be mistaken for like the intensive care unit. I see you. Oh, that funny. I know me neither. So anyhow, but I still insisted. And it really was inspired by a conversation that I had with a woman in our community. I had met her very briefly at an event.

[00:04:11] I thought she was really cool. She has a seat at some important tables and is making decisions that impact thousands of lives probably. And she has a busy home life and family. Anyhow, I reached out to her and said, I'd love to have coffee. And so we met and listened to her story for a bit, probably almost an hour.

[00:04:36] And then as we were talking, she sort of brusquely interrupted me and said, why did you invite me to coffee today? And I just looked her in the eye. I said, the first thing that came to my mind, I said, because I see you. And she just put her head down and wept. And it felt like for a long time, it was kind of awkward.

[00:05:03] And I just sort of let her and then she sat up and she wiped off her tears and sort of collected herself. And she said, thank you. So few people do. And it was such a fascinating comment because everyone sees her, but no one sees her. And so those are the people that I wrote this book for.

[00:05:29] Those women who are doing important work and have accomplished some things and they're having a life experience and very few people really understand it. So good. Well, I also think your book has so many facets to it, right?

[00:05:51] And one of the underlying premises I think you have in the book is that habits and our thought habits really define us and can limit us. Why don't you talk a little bit more about that? Because I thought that was a big element of the book. It is. And it's central to all of my work. There are about 80% of our habits of thinking that happen at a subconscious level.

[00:06:20] A lot of them, thank goodness. We don't want to have to think about breathing or doing things that we don't want to waste energy on. But there are other grooves in our brain that get very deep without us knowing it. That really impact the way that we connect with people. The way that we embrace different kinds of structure in our lives. The way that we dream or set goals.

[00:06:50] And most of those habits of thinking we're kind of unaware of. We aren't. It's not like they're. Even sometimes it's shocking to people when they find out. But then you start to see it everywhere. So I'll give you maybe just a quick example of one of those habits of thinking. I'll pick one that's pretty common. So one that's really common is when people are obsessive thinkers.

[00:07:19] The measurement in the assessment tool says it leans toward your risk of being obsessive. Which means that you're thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking all the time. And you're thinking about thinking. I mean, you just cannot turn your brain off. Now, these people tend to be entrepreneurial. Like we find that about 98% of entrepreneurs have this habit of thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking. The risk of it when you are obsessive.

[00:07:48] One is that you can get very attached to your ideas. You can really get attached to being right about your ideas. And honestly, between you and I, you probably are. Because you've thought about it so much. But you can sort of inadvertently run over people. Because you've been thinking or you've been thinking faster than they have.

[00:08:15] And so for people who are obsessive thinkers, they often need the discipline of more guilt-free play in their lives. They need more breaks. They need things like exercise more than just like a person without that habit of thinking. So that they- Is it to quiet the brain enough that are thinking so that we can give ourselves a break? It's very exhausting, I think, to be thinking all the time.

[00:08:44] Exhausting. But not only for you, it's exhausting for the people you're leading and in a home with. Or, you know, it's just, it's a lot for people, especially if they aren't thinking that much. And so giving your brain a break, doing things that are fun that give that rest. Yeah. One, it allows you to not be so attached to your ideas. But also, you don't get too far ahead of people.

[00:09:15] So I'll often say, like, I think so much that if I do eight hours of work a day, it's too much. I create too much, right? It's like, I don't even need to work that long. Because I'll get just as much done in a shorter amount of time. So sometimes I find that people who do this, they'll take on too much work in their jobs, end up doing an unfair amount of the workload, and be resentful about it too.

[00:09:44] So, yeah. And I guess I know we've had this on our podcast before that even sometimes taking vacation doesn't fix that. Right? A lot of people can't tune off, just turn things off during a vacation. I always say it's not doing nothing that is the break for an obsessive thinker.

[00:10:11] It's doing something where you're not thinking. So, for example, I love to play cards, you know? So if I'm playing cards with a group of friends, I'm not thinking about work. I can't because I'm playing cards, right? I mean, or when I play pickleball, I play a lot of pickleball. Like that, I'm not thinking. I can't think about anything but what I'm doing there. Or, you know, I took a spin class this morning.

[00:10:39] I'm just in the class, right? I'm doing this. I'm paying attention to the teacher. But there are things even a great book, like a fun book, gives my brain a break, whereas just sitting watching something boring doesn't because then my brain is spinning. So it's different for everyone. But even like I give the example in the book of visiting my husband's grandparents in assisted living.

[00:11:04] Well, when I was there, I was just listening to their stories and I was engaged with them. I wasn't thinking about my work or what needed to be done or an idea I was chewing on. So like that. That's good when you say that each of us have our own way of doing that, that there isn't one solution to fix it for everybody. No.

[00:11:27] So you talked about natural genius in the book and you make the point that perhaps as women, we have a tougher time finding our natural genius. What is that about? So natural genius is the thing that you do that feels easy to you, but astonishes everyone else.

[00:11:51] And you've probably done it your whole life in different contexts or, you know, maybe even in different jobs or different roles that you've played. But we have a hard time identifying it in ourselves because we don't realize that not everyone can do that that easily. Yeah. It's just something that you do. There's a funny story in the book.

[00:12:19] And this is a silly one, but it'll kind of give you an idea. Yeah. It's very easy for me to create systems in a home or office that just sort of run really smoothly. And they're very simple organizational systems. Like I have a file cabinet to my right where I have greeting cards for every possible event. Right. So when something comes up, I just have all of these cards, just like simple systems.

[00:12:47] So I had a friend and she, we were running the same kind of business at the time. And she said, can I come and see your office? Well, I thought to myself, well, that's so dumb. Like, what is it in my office? I don't even, it's just an office. Right. So, okay. So she came. I mean, she walked around my office taking pictures of the way I had my Rubbermaid containers organized in the closet and labeled and just everything.

[00:13:15] She was just soaking it all in. And I remember thinking, oh, you can't, not everyone just does that. Yeah. But that's just a silly, but a fun example of, of natural genius. It's like the thing that you do that just, you don't even know you're doing it. You're so good at it. Yeah. I guess I had to think for a little bit about that for myself because I, I'm, we're not in touch with it.

[00:13:45] I wasn't in touch with it. Right. Did you come up with something? I think I did. So over the weekend, I had the opportunity to work with about 40 12th grade Girl Scouts and coach them on their finding their personal brand and podcasting.

[00:14:10] And I think what I have is the ability to work a room and engage people. Like you don't, you can't be with yo and not participate. Right. I pull you in. And, um, I noticed I did that when I was teaching at San Jose state, you know, very hard for people to escape.

[00:14:38] Me like you can't, you can't hide. It's like engaging people's full presence. Yes. And, and, and just really getting them to participate. Like it's, it's very exhausting for me after like I've held that much space and energy, um, and definitely need my downtime after to kind of recover.

[00:15:05] But I think it's something I just walk into the room and can read it and just pull you in. Like, yeah, you're in the party. Like you're on the journey. So come on. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that's, that's. You can feel it in yourself when you're doing it, but we're just not aware. It's that like a live feeling. It's that feeling of like, this is what I do.

[00:15:33] And you're not, you are thinking about it, but you're not thinking about it. It's like, you kind of shift into that gear. I think one of the more important messages, even of that chapter was that because we have a hard time identifying it and because it feels so easy to us, we tend to undervalue it in terms of what we get paid for it also. And I think that's a really key point is that just because it feels easy to you, that's actually

[00:16:02] the thing you should be charging the most for. Yeah. You know? And so like for me, since I was very little, I have facilitated conversations with small groups of people. I had a clubhouse when I was very young. You had to put a piece of chewed gum on a tree to get in lead conversations with the neighborhood kids about how we could make our neighborhood a better place. And I was facilitating it right. Yeah.

[00:16:29] All the way to like, when I was teaching, we would talk about books and then I've all always grown businesses by working with people in small groups. Well, I didn't realize not everyone can do that. Not everyone can facilitate that kind of conversation that creates life change. So I didn't know, Oh, I, this is very valuable and that people will pay to be part of it.

[00:16:53] One thing that just occurred to me, Amy is like, for those of us who have done like skill assessments and, um, whether it be enneagrams or, you know, the Gallup strengths, those can give us clues into what our natural genius is because some of those just, uh, you know, it's just going to come up. Yep. So maybe that that's helpful too, for people to find that.

[00:17:20] I actually think that the most beneficial way to identify it is to ask other people. Yes. Yeah. I can see that. They can really see it in you more than you can see it in yourself. Like these 12th graders. One of the things that's a component of having a personal brand is knowing your superpower. And I noticed that they were just engaging with each other about, Oh no, your superpower

[00:17:46] is this, that you could, they could see it in someone else harder to see it in themselves. Yep. They could see it in someone else. I think a lot of times my clients engage with me as clients because I see them because I know, and because I can name it because I listen and watch and observe and, you know, I'm really paying attention.

[00:18:12] And that's such a rare thing that someone really sees those areas of natural genius. So, but I do think as a leader, also, if you're leading a team to be able to see that in your team members that you're leading is important too, so that you can put people in places where they're using it, where you're harnessing it. Yeah. There was something else in your book about, um, six important, you call it the six most

[00:18:41] important list, but it's different than just making a list. I did, I just made mine right before I got on for tomorrow. I usually have to explain the difference. I think, cause I thought that was key because I was finding myself this morning, even going, well, what's most important here? What are the six? You know, I was kind of putting it to work. So it might be helpful. Question, right? Like there are things that I have to do in a day.

[00:19:08] And I actually have a, like kind of a running list over to my right here on my desk. That's just like silly things that I needed to do. Like call this person back, finish preparation for this talk. And they're not like on important things, or I need to pick something up from a store or whatever. Okay. They're not unimportant, but they're not the most important things that I do in my day. So before I end my work day, I try to have my list already finished with the six most important things.

[00:19:38] If nothing else goes right. If I don't get anything else done in the day, if I get these things done, they create growth or change or progress. And when you're, when you're asking yourself that question, I think there's a twofold benefit. One, if I make it by the end of the day, I think your subconscious mind gets to kind of work on it. Even overnight while you sleep, it gets to sort of plug into like that bigger consciousness

[00:20:06] and pull ideas and pull solutions. And right. Without you really thinking about it. But also I think of the list, like an anchor where, well, an example, right before I got on our call, I had about 20 minutes. I didn't have three hours. I had 20 minutes and I thought, okay, can I get one of these things done that is on this list?

[00:20:31] Now, had I not had the list, what I would have done is just go to the scroll cycle, right? The check your email, then you check your social media, then you check your texts, then you check your, you know, and then you kind of circle back by the time you get done. And that is not creating anything. Yeah. It's just responsive. And so these things are like, I actually need to create something or I need to actually

[00:20:57] do outreach or I need to follow up with this, or I need to finish this project. That's the distinction. The other thing is I rarely get them all done. Like today, one, two, three, four, I have four of my six done. It's okay. It's pretty good. Yeah. I'm not going for perfection. I just move them to the next day. Um, but it does just keep me clear and focused on what is most important.

[00:21:25] And I know I'll have this in the show notes, but you have a link to your website where people can look at the format that you use for that. So I have a fun little page on there. That's a free download that you can use, but it's the one that's sitting on my desk right now. I just, it has four days on it. And that's the other thing. I think people think I do it seven days a week.

[00:21:48] I mean, I'm doing my best to do four days where I really nailed the list because on one day, either maybe I'm at an event or I'm have calls all day and I don't have a lot of time to actually get things done. Right. So I think four days a week is crazy. Awesome. If you can even do that, I think the expectation of doing it every single day is ridiculous. Um, and realistic. Well, and it probably wouldn't become a habit.

[00:22:17] You know, you'd, you'd probably drop it, but I have to give you some feedback. Okay. So after I read your book yesterday and I was sitting there thinking, okay, what are the things I really want to handle? And one of them was that, um, we have a bed in, uh, one of our extra rooms that needs to go. So I thought, okay. And then we've done, um, a really, uh, previous episode.

[00:22:46] And I know you referred to atomic habits a lot in your book, but I had done an episode on that book and it said just to take a baby step first with anything that you need to get handled. So I thought, okay, I'm just going to put this on, take a couple of pictures, put it on next door and see how long it takes for it to, to move.

[00:23:07] We had a response like within like five minutes and it was gone within two hours. That's you guys, I'm telling you, you gotta, you gotta think about your list and what you're putting on it and what time you're using towards that list.

[00:23:28] So I thank you for that because I don't think I would have looked at it that way if I hadn't just like been, you know, off of reading your book and then just realizing what are those six things? You know, like what, what's okay. Let's get the bed out, you know? And it's like, okay, it's gone. I think I call those millimeters all the time.

[00:23:50] I think that people have this image that you make progress in meters or miles, but I have found most people, especially in business or building a career, they make progress in millimeters. It's so tiny and it feels so boring and insignificant sometimes how tiny the steps are. Yes. But it's the repetition of those consistently more than the big quantum leaps. I'm actually not even really interested in quantum leaps.

[00:24:19] I don't, I just feel like more gradual shifts and tiny steps. You don't spook yourself number one, but two, it tends to be more sustainable for people. Yeah, I agree. But I think your list, I could definitely see in your book because you move through talking about that and then you start talking about boundaries and the list helps us.

[00:24:44] I think get centered and we're able to define boundaries around that. Right. Can you talk a little bit about what you see there about boundaries? Yes. Boundaries are such a constant practice.

[00:25:03] I probably the unique concept in, well, there are a couple around boundaries in the book, but one of them is just having boundaries with your goals and with your sort of with your ambition. I think there's a temptation. I think there's a temptation a lot of times to get hyped up, excited, ready to roll, and we're going to conquer the world. And we don't take into account the wholeness of our life.

[00:25:31] And we can't have a healthy relationship with people without boundaries, but we definitely can't have it with a business or with our goals either without boundaries. So as an example, I am going to increase my income by filling the blank amount while taking Fridays off to visit my mom in assisted living. Like that's an example of a goal with a boundary.

[00:25:59] So it's like, I'm going to accomplish this, but I'm also taking into account that I have this thing that is a top priority in my life that I'm not willing to sacrifice. For me, it's, um, I want to work like a teacher. So eight to three Monday through Friday, have my weekends off. Summers are lighter for me and get paid like a CEO.

[00:26:24] So when I'm running things through that filter, it's like, I can make a decision about something. Yes. If my only goal was to get paid like a CEO, then everything's a yes. Right. But I tell the story in the book about this potential client I talked to. Oh, she, I still think about it all the time. She was so amazing. And she was so my people, like she was the kind of people my business was created to serve. Right. We had the most delicious conversation.

[00:26:54] We connected. And I said, I just, this is how I work with you. You know? And she's like, I'm in, let's go. I don't even need to talk to my husband about it. I was like, okay. And she said, oh, I, there's only one thing I can only meet in the evenings after six. And I was just like, oh, you know, because it's not that I don't ever break the rule.

[00:27:20] It's not like you're super rigid, but I knew that if I said yes to that one, I'm going to resent it. I was not going to want to be on that call. And so I slept on it. It's a rule. I just gave myself to have a fighting chance, but I had to call her and just say, I'm so sorry. But if you can't meet during lunch or sometime during these hours, like I just, if I do this, I'm out of integrity with everything. That's the whole basis of my work.

[00:27:49] It would just, it would undermine everything about what I do. Yeah. That's the hard part. I think we talk about the boundary and it sounds like, oh yeah, I'm going to set the boundary. The hard part is there's loss. Like you have to say no to things and sometimes you lose relationships or you lose opportunities because of it also. So it's not all like happy. It's, it's hard. Yeah.

[00:28:15] I think you had a terrific insight about resentment because you, and I think you say it in the book too, that resentment is our inability to set a boundary. And I went, oh man, that's so good. If you, if you track throughout the day, if you do the resentment audit and you just jot down

[00:28:42] where in your day you feel resentful. I want you to imagine every time you feel that feeling that there's a neon sign over your head that is flashing missing boundary. Yeah. Because resentment. Well, let me ask you, how would you define resentment? Well, I also think it's not just about the boundary. I think it can also be about not making a request. Not asking for what you need.

[00:29:13] Yeah. And so what you're left with is this feeling of, you know, of some, something off and within yourself. Yeah. And so I think probably not too eloquent about how to define resentment, but I definitely think if I start to feel resentful, I'll sit down with myself and I'll say, okay, yo, what's up?

[00:29:40] Like, where are you angry at something or, and why, and what's underneath that? Have you made a request that didn't get fulfilled or did you make, not make a request? So this person doesn't even have an eye ability to answer what you are. It's the example of me being in the kitchen and doing the dishes after dinner, banging

[00:30:06] around angry while my husband is laying on the couch, not getting my hands, you know, but he's like really helpful. So if I just said, Hey, could you come in here and help me with these dishes? He would be like, okay, yeah, I'll be there in a second. You know, there's a whole nother thing if he won't, but, but like my, my husband will just get up and help. He's not trying to be lazy or anything, but I can't be banging around in there. If I'm not expressing what I need. Yes.

[00:30:36] You know, that's our part of it, I think. And because they can't read our minds and they can, right. So it's really all around sometimes though. I will say that there's an authority place. There's a person in a, in authority, like in the work situation where it's, I think a

[00:30:58] little bit trickier to be able to establish, to make a request or takes like a whole other self almost to be able to get what you need there. I think, I think it, it probably plays a little differently. And I think sometimes, um, we have bosses like that just don't see us.

[00:31:28] Oh, I think that's absolutely true. I think there's a lot of, um, like there are places in which I can set boundaries as a white, a wealthy white woman that other people can't. Yeah. I do think there's just a reality to that, that we, we must acknowledge. Um, I write about that in the chapter on boundaries that I like preface it by just saying,

[00:31:57] I recognize that for some people in some situations, um, there are limitations that are very well. And I think it's important to acknowledge it. I don't know that I have answers, but I do think the acknowledging helps. And I think also maybe taking little steps to understand the power dynamics and what's happening.

[00:32:23] And it isn't that I remember reading, I forget who said this is one of the Supreme court judges. Like, don't think that my politeness is a lack of strength. Hmm. And I think sometimes when it comes to boundary setting, we may not be able to

[00:32:52] negotiate that with our bosses because of the dynamics involved. Mm-hmm. And we do sometimes need to be polite rather than move, you know, move things in a direction we want them to get to eventually. Yeah. And I do wonder though, I think that's true. I do wonder if there isn't a cumulative negative effect on our bodies and our spirits

[00:33:20] over the long run from doing that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, I just see women have a lot of physical illness manifest. Yeah. Absolutely. A lot of, I don't know if it's like rooted in taking it for so long. Yeah. You know what I mean? I do. I totally do.

[00:33:47] And I'm sure that women who are listening right now are laughing because they're all going, Oh yeah. I can tell you that. I've said that to people also like, yes, you can stay. And for some people, you're a single parent, you know, you're the sole provider. This is the highest paying job in your County that you can get qualified with your education. Like I, there are so many things I would never presume to be like, well, just leave because that's ridiculous. Right. Right.

[00:34:15] That being said, I think it's also, it's also imperative that you're clear about the cost of staying in a situation where you're mistreated or don't have a voice or can't express boundaries clearly. Yeah. Oh, that was, that was juicy. Okay. Got another one from your book that really, I thought was super interesting.

[00:34:40] You say we can't stifle our intuition in one area of life, then have access to it in others. So what do you see there? I love talking about intuition because I think that that's sort of what we were just talking about, right? Using our intuitive powers to look at a situation and figure out, you know, how we might move. But what you're, but you have, I think some good insights there about intuition.

[00:35:10] Yeah. Um, maybe I'll just tell the story of my client who was raised by a parent who is an addict. And so at a very young age, she was doing things that an adult should have been doing, you know, buying presents, paying bills, buying groceries, making sure her brothers and sisters were taken care of. All of those things were so brave. Like she did such a great job of it.

[00:35:40] But every time she did that, there was a part of her that was saying, this isn't right. I shouldn't have to do this. And she had to squelch it to survive. So she had to push that voice down and not listen to it because that was what was required to survive. And again, there is zero judgment in doing that. You know, everyone has situations where your survival is paramount. Okay.

[00:36:06] The problem is fast forward 25 years, she's running a business. Well, your intuition, that little whisper voice is also what says to you, I'm tired. It's time to go home. That's enough for today. And so when we started working together, she was working 80 hours a week and just absolutely

[00:36:30] killing herself legitimately because she had no access to that voice that was saying that's enough for the day. And I find that this happens with women in terms of that, like work over giving over committing over. They've had, they have stifled their intuition in one area of their life for so long. And then you can't just turn it on for another. Yeah.

[00:36:58] And I see this also with food. So for example, food is like our bodies tell us when we're hungry, when we're full, what we're hungry for. All right. But if we don't, if we haven't learned to listen to what our bodies are telling us, then every decision about food is made with your head. Well, at the end of the day, your head is tired and you don't make great decisions, right? It's exhausting. We've, you've already made so many decisions in the day.

[00:37:27] And, but when you don't have access to that intuition where you just trust it, you feel it and say, I'm hungry for that. And you go get it and eat it. And then you say, I'm full. That's enough. And you stop like, that's your intuition. So the point being, there are all of these places where, um, it's like, if you take a survival mechanism and you employ it past the point where you need it to survive, it becomes

[00:37:56] detrimental and it will actually damage you and make you sick or really harm you. So that's kind of the example of what was happening. She was doing the same thing she needed to do when she was surviving, but now she doesn't need that. And so it was actually, I mean, we had a real frank conversation, like you're going to get sick. This is not sustainable. Your body will break down. I don't know when, but it will.

[00:38:24] Um, and so that's the whole, like, you can't shut off your intuition because this person is mistreating you in this space and then just turn it on over here. It doesn't work that way. Yeah. Well, I think you definitely are pointing to that. We have to uncover some of these things that we've, you know, pushed down for so long, um, because eventually they, they erupt.

[00:38:50] And here you are, you know, it's like, you know, you can change the geography, but then you go, Oh, here I am again. For women, it tends to show up like in their forties and fifties. Um, it like you, you can kind of cope and get to a certain point. And some of those survival mechanisms even work really well, especially in corporate America, perfectionism, overworking people, pleasing. Those are all things that move you right up the corporate ladder.

[00:39:20] Right. But you get to a point where like, you can't keep doing that anymore. Yeah. Right. And so that's sort of the tipping point where you, there's like a reckoning. That's usually where people come to me where they're like, this isn't working anymore. Like I can't work any harder, but I want to, I'm ambitious. I want more, but I can't keep working so hard. Yeah. Oh my goodness. We could be talking for a long time, Amy, about all of these great things.

[00:39:50] Um, is there anything else like you would like to offer, especially our younger generation folks that are listening, any insights that you would want them to have? I wish, I wish someone, um, would have told me like how fast it would go. Hmm.

[00:40:19] Meaning like, like the hustle years where I was raising kids, growing businesses and all of that felt like it would, you know, that saying the days are long, but the years are short, you know, it just felt so all consuming, but my kids are older now. I guess I just wish I would have known that's a season and it's real, but there's another

[00:40:46] season on the other side of that, where you're going to have more time for creative pursuits. You know, like there's a reason I just wrote the book. It's because my kid, two of my kids are gone. Like, I don't have that much to do anymore. There's not that much laundry or, you know, it's just not, there's not as many things happening, but I just, I wish I would have known that that was, I don't know if I thought it was never going to end.

[00:41:12] I don't know if I thought about it, but I do, I would say that to a younger woman, like this is a season and it's important. Don't miss it and don't wish it away either. Yeah. Yeah. There's also a really beautiful next season. It's kind of like has its own perks and its own advantages and opportunities that you'll get to experience. So sometimes I think I wished it away. Yeah, I can see that.

[00:41:42] It's like thinking that you're always going to be pregnant, right? And no one's you're not, you're going to be that one woman who never gives birth. That's how I felt sometimes. It's like my worst nightmare for the record. He did not do like, yeah, guess what? Everybody else has given birth, but you, you're going to have these babies. Oh yeah. Also like if you don't, if like the babies and the toddlers were really hard for me, you know, but the teenagers were more fun.

[00:42:10] So even in a season of parenting that doesn't feel really fun to you, it's like, it's okay. You love them and they're going to be fine. You'll go on to another season, you know, that's so great. That's a great way to look at it. So how can our listeners follow you and where can they find your book? Yeah, you can find the book anywhere you purchase your books. Amazon barnes and noble bookshop.org. Also on audible. It is my voice. People ask that a lot.

[00:42:40] If they're a listener, I'm so grateful. We have that as a means of digesting books now. It's such a cool way to really get to hear different voices. So congratulations on that. That's great. Thank you. Yeah. And we'll have this in the show notes too, on how they can find you. And, and so I think you kind of answered the question about what you would tell your 20 something self. Probably dead. Yeah. That's great.

[00:43:08] And did you get a chance to go on our, our story? Yeah. I actually have a picture of it because I wanted to be able to describe it accurately. I really loved the card called brave butterfly. Of course. Yes. Cause you're brave. Like that butterfly. It says with brave wings, she flies. Yeah.

[00:43:33] There's something, I was just talking to a client about this yesterday. She's dissatisfied with where she is professionally in her role. And she's very qualified for like the next roll up. She said, I'm just not sure. Like, I, I don't know if I want to take all that on. And I don't, you know, she's like, it's just kind of scary. And I said, is it also kind of exciting?

[00:44:00] And she was like, yes, when you stop stepping into the places that are both terrifying and exciting at the same time, I think you start to atrophy. Yeah. And I just, if that doesn't mean physically only like mentally, just stepping into things that feel that blend. I think that's why I loved this so much because it takes a bit of courage to step into those

[00:44:30] places, but I don't want to atrophy. I want to continue to like challenge myself to step into those new places. I love that. I also think that sometimes when we step into those new places and it's scary when we have someone like you to help us along, you know, it's like asking for the help. It's asking for someone, like I had a couple of things I could feel this morning. I was getting kind of agitated over and I thought, well, who can I talk to about this?

[00:44:59] Like who, who could help me? And I immediately said, ah, okay. And my body began to relax and I didn't have that, you know, cortisol hitting my body and adrenaline. It was like, okay, that's an interesting, um, like mechanism that you defaulted to. I was just making some notes today about how you handle uncertainty. And that was one of them is like, reach out. Don't isolate. Yeah.

[00:45:30] Like, who do I know that I could talk to about that? Who do, or like last week I called an emergency friend meeting because I was just feeling a little bit of stress and I was like, listen, dinner five 30, this restaurant there. And there was like four of us, you know, I just need, but instead of just staying home and swirling, it's like that instinct to reach out and connect instead of late, I think is something that people who move through that fear do. Don't you? I do.

[00:46:00] I think that it, it's something about when we're put into something to grow into like that growth that you were talking about with your client, it's it, you can kind of feel like it's unsettling for you, but someone's already gone through it. And if they just pull you along or just give you that pat on the back and say, guess what? It's going to, like you said, it's going to get better. This is just a season you're in.

[00:46:29] Don't worry about it. But I think that those are the times when it really helps when we are pulling and asking for people to help us. And man, is that hard? Cause we were just such an independent walk around women who, yeah, give me more. I can take it. It's like, no, no, don't give me more now. You know, you're reminding me too, that as a leader, it's important to tell people what

[00:46:57] you see in them that, that isn't there yet. You know, I remember this, my high school basketball coach, she pulled me in her office one day. I think I was being kind of a jerk. I was like a freshman, you know, I was just kind of having an attitude and she was a really good coach. And, and she said, you know, if you really applied yourself, you could be the valedictorian of your class. And I remember stopping dead in my tracks and thinking like, what? Yeah.

[00:47:25] But I, I did not forget that for four years. And I know that's why I finished that goal because, but I never would have done that had she not said that to me. Right. But it took someone saying, I see this in you, you could do this. That really like catapulted me to a different level of like excellence expectation. I think I knew it was true, but I needed someone to say it to me.

[00:47:53] So it's a good reminder just to do that for other people too. Oh boy. Well, your book definitely helps us all see each other. So thank you for very much for joining us and writing the book. It certainly was a pleasure to read it. Thanks. Thank you for listening today. And we sure hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, please leave a comment wherever you listen to your podcasts. Tell a friend about us, join our public Facebook group, girl, take the lead or visit

[00:48:22] our website, girl, take the lead pod.com. We also have a YouTube channel where your subscription would be appreciated. Once you're on YouTube search at girl, take the lead. And you can also find a video of this episode on YouTube music and Spotify. So some of my favorite quotes from this episode were. Everyone sees her, but no one sees her.

[00:48:50] It's a rare thing when someone sees those areas of natural genius. And here's another one. If I didn't have my six most important list, I would have just gone through a scroll cycle, scrolling through email, Facebook, Instagram, like all of them. I also liked people think that you make progress in meters or miles, but I have found most people

[00:49:18] make progress in millimeters. And the last one I really liked boundaries are such a constant practice. We can't have a healthy relationship with people without boundaries. Here are three episode takeaways. One, our habits and thought habits, 80% at the subconscious level can get deep without us knowing it.

[00:49:46] It can affect how we relate to others, dream and impact our goals. About 98% of entrepreneurs are obsessive thinkers. They need more breaks to give their brain a rest. So we're not so attached to our ideas and get too far ahead of others around us. It's doing something where we're not thinking. I playing cards, getting lost in a book, making cards.

[00:50:15] It's different for everyone. Two, knowing our natural genius can be tougher for women. It feels easy to you, but astonishes others. It's hard to see it in ourselves because it's something we just do. Because of this, we can sometimes undervalue it. Three, the six most important list. What if I don't get anything else done?

[00:50:44] These six things anchor us and they create growth, change, or progress. The list helps us set boundaries with our goals and ambition. And if you're on video, this is the card that Amy chose. The courageous, brave butterfly. And you can find it on our website, girltaketheleadpod.com. Slash shop.

[00:51:12] Our next episode will feature our guest, Danae Wilson, author of the book, Change Makers Wanted. Your blueprint for lasting impact and ethical change. Her book delivers a vital guide full of her own vulnerable storytelling and actionable insights. Perfect for women professionals ready to rise in male-dominated industries like she did

[00:51:40] and lead with integrity and resilience. Please join us again and talk to you soon. Bye. Bye. Bye.