217. A Plate Full of Wisdom: Pancakes, Mentorship, and Life Lessons with Susan L. Combs

[00:00:07] Welcome to episode 217 of Girl, Take the Lead, where each week we explore womanhood and leadership. And I'm your host, Yolanda Canny. Susan L. Combs, founder of Pancakes for Roger, Inc., a nonprofit corporation dedicated to serving those who have served our nation. And she's a bestselling author of the book, Pancakes for Roger, A Mentorship Guide for Slaying Dragons.

[00:00:34] And that takes us to discuss many life lessons and experiences that led to the founding of Pancakes for Roger, Inc. And you'll hear about some of those insights and life lessons in this episode. In addition to talking about her book and foundation, we've covered three facets of life her dad passed along to her and she passes along to you.

[00:01:03] Plus, we'll talk about how to calculate your monetary worth, elements of a good relationship, and seeing signs. Hey, did you know that February is pancake month? Listen in for some more details about that. Enjoy. And here you go.

[00:01:28] Susan, thank you for coming to Girl, Take the Lead and for joining us today. And I know this is going to be one heck of a conversation. Thanks for having me. I really appreciate it. Yeah. So let's start. If you would tell our listeners and viewers about you and your book, it would be great to get us started. Yeah. So I mean, it depends on the day on what you want to tell me.

[00:01:54] So I mean, first and foremost, I guess my first thing is I own an insurance brokerage firm that's based out of New York City that we've recently moved to New Hampshire. But I started that company at 26 years old. And, you know, I've like when I look back at like a lot of my successes in my career, it's been when I've been open. So there's things that like I never thought I would do, but then I was open to it and then it came my way.

[00:02:18] And so, you know, you mentioned my book. That was something I never I wasn't one of those kids that said I wanted to write a book when I grew up. It was just something that ended up coming my way. And it actually came my way in form of like a cathartic healing process. I know you and I are kind of connected and bonded over over the loss of our fathers. And, you know, me writing the book was a gift to myself after my father passed.

[00:02:45] And so the book is called Pancakes for Roger, a mentorship guide for slaying dragons. And I had one hell of a dad. I mean, he was he was great. I mean, he was just and I understand like and I even talk about in the book, like I understand not everybody has a great father. Not everybody has a great relationship with their family. And so, you know, I always I try to recognize that. But probably one of the biggest compliments I've gotten on my book since since it's come out is I have a girlfriend that was raised in the foster care system in New York City.

[00:03:14] And she said, Susan, I bought your book because I wanted to know what it was like to have a good dad. And I wanted to know what it was like to get fatherly advice. And it just I mean, it rips here, you know, it rips your heart out. But just got the arrow to the heart. But what a compliment. What a compliment. I mean, you know, you and I both said that we were so lucky and very fortunate to have wonderful fathers. But, you know, I still to this day, I think that's one of the biggest compliments I've got on my book. Yeah.

[00:03:43] Well, one of the things you say early in your book, which I thought was really nice to hear, is that the book could be a mentor for somebody who perhaps doesn't have a mentor right now. You know, and they could use it as a guide. And I thought that was that was really good.

[00:04:05] Thanks for because all of all of your insights and all of your syrups at the end of the chapters tell us that you have to tell people why you named it what you did. And why I just said syrup, because they're not going to get it unless we tell them. Yeah. So, you know, kind of the Reader's Digest version is, you know, I was my my father ultimately passed away of Agent Orange related throat cancer. And my father was a major general in the Air Force. He was also a civilian judge.

[00:04:34] And, you know, I think a lot of times we make decisions in our life and we don't realize the impact they have until much later on. And so when I started my company at 26, I I always felt that as long as you have your computer and your phone, you should be able to work anywhere in the world. And the gift that that gave me later on was when my my father was dying. I was able to return from New York City back to my small town in Missouri and help care for him when he had hospice at home. And he and I just had a cadence.

[00:05:03] I mean, he and I were very much type A morning people in our life, you know, in our households. The other ones were not. And so I get up in the morning. I check on him if he was good, you know, around five o'clock. I would go to the gym. I come back from the gym, check on him again. If he was still good, then I go get cleaned up from the day. And then I get him rallied around and then I would take my computer and I sat in my childhood home at the coffee table and just worked. And so if he needed anything, I was just right there.

[00:05:32] So one particular morning we'd gone through the whole, you know, cadence. And when I came to his hospital bed to get him ready for the day, he wasn't in it. And my parents' house, you know, one of the rooms went around in a circle. So I just went room to room until I ultimately landed in the kitchen. And he was sitting there and he had a placemat and he had a silverware and he had a plate and he had set the table. And I looked at my dad and I said, Dad, what are you doing? And he said, well, I want pancakes for breakfast. And my father, the last year of his life, he had a feeding tube and he was also in oxygen.

[00:06:02] So pancakes were definitely not in the cards. And this is a man that, you know, he was a Marine first and foremost. And he knew when, hey, this is the mission at hand. You can't change anything about it. You move forward. And so this was the first time he had ever asked for anything like that. And I looked at him and I said, oh, Dad, there's just nothing more in this world than I want to give you the pancakes for breakfast. But I said, we're on hospice and we have a DNR and I give you pancakes and you choke. I said, we're probably done here. And I don't think we're quite ready to be done.

[00:06:32] And he said, oh, yes, I can. Matt said I could. And Matt's my brother and he's a nurse and he wasn't there that morning. So I knew we were dealing with some confusion from the oxygen deprivation. And so I was just trying to think real quick on my feet. And I said, you know, let me see what I can do. So my dad always wanted the two feeding formula heated up for 14 seconds. He was very particular about that. If you would have done 11, he would have known. If you'd done 20, he would have known. And so I heated it up for 14 seconds and I brought the little pitcher over to the table and I put it down. And he said, what's that?

[00:07:02] And I said, that's your syrup. So his oxygen levels had started kind of rallying around. He smiled and he kind of nodded. And, you know, a few weeks later, my dad would ultimately pass away. And when, you know, your listeners that have been caregivers can probably attest to when you're a caregiver, like that's almost your entire focus, even when you're working full time. And when that person passes, you can feel a little bit like a fish out of water. I mean, you lost your focus.

[00:07:31] You lost your purpose that you had for how many months, weeks, you know, or even years in some instances. And so I took one day off of work when I came back to New York and I just needed to shut out the noise, respond to texts if I wanted to, respond to phone calls if I wanted to, but just be present and kind of give that gift to myself. And my husband said, why don't we go have some pancakes for breakfast for your dad? And so we went to the Bell Air Diner in Queens, New York. My husband took a picture and I told the story that I just told you.

[00:08:01] And I said, you know, all of our lives can change in the blink of an eye. And there's so many things that we have to be thankful for. And I said, so if you're so inclined, why don't you go have some pancakes for Roger and remember all the blessings you have in your life? And I mean, Ilonda, it wasn't supposed to go anywhere. It was just part of my heart and just like, just talking. I mean, it's a lot. I wrote a lot when my dad was sick because it was very, very cathartic. And it was just a way for me to like figure out my feelings a little bit.

[00:08:31] And people started having pancakes and they started sending pictures. And I had people that said, I can't have pancakes and not think of your dad and think about the legacy he's left behind and all the life of service he led. And so we turned it actually into fundraising effort at first. So the month of February that, you know, we're in right now, we, my dad's birthday was February 22nd. And so that's why we chose February.

[00:08:58] So we said for the month of February, for every pancake loving picture we get on social media and, you know, using the hashtag pancakes for Roger, it has to be a public facing post or you tag our accounts. You know, I was personally making a donation in his honor to a veterans clinic, a veterans legal clinic that provides free legal services for veterans and their families navigating the VA claims and appeals process, discharge upgrades, a lot more clinics been around for over 10 years.

[00:09:24] And they just announced a few months ago that they've recovered over $20 million in back pay for our veterans with the work that they've done. And so, you know, it started out as just, you know, having, having fun and just talking about service and talking about, you know, all your blessings and little things you have to be thankful for. And then I had people that had been after me to write a book for a while.

[00:09:47] And, you know, I had always, when I do public speaking and I always ended my talks with kind of unsolicited advice and quotes from people that have helped me along the way, because I was always raised that if you get a good piece of advice, it's your duty to share it with somebody else. Because if it, it helps you in your life, chances are it'll help somebody else. And so when I sat down to write the book, it wasn't supposed to be all about my dad. My dad was supposed to be a chapter, but you know, the general as generals do, they kind of like to take over everything.

[00:10:17] And so, and you know, the, the original title of the book was Pancakes Roger since, you know, my dad had made that request and it was a mentorship guide for life. And then I woke up at 2am one day and it just, I don't know why it just hit me. And I said, you know, it should be Pancakes Roger, a mentorship guide for slaying dragons. It just, it was something that just came to me.

[00:10:40] And, um, and it was so funny because, you know, when you write a book, you usually have a team, you have a team of editors and you have marketing people and PR people and everything. And I remember them saying to me when I tried it out on them, they're like, I don't know, Susan, I don't know. And I said, you don't know me yet. I said, as soon as you know me, you know, this is the right title. And I started trying it out with, um, some friends and they just would light up when I would say it. And they're like, that's it. That's it. So, um, so yeah. So then the book came out in 2022, we've continued to have our fundraising efforts for the clinic.

[00:11:10] Um, and then in the end of 2023, I incorporated Pancakes Roger as an official veterans nonprofit. Um, because yes, you know, we're always going to support the clinic, but I was like, there's gotta be more that we can do. There's gotta be projects that we can do. There's, you know, grants that we can provide for veterans that want to do things. And so, you know, I have big aspirations of what that's going to turn into eventually, but, you know, right now we're, we're building our endowment.

[00:11:36] We're partnering with a lot of veteran nonprofits to help, you know, get the word out about the initiatives they're doing and try to create a bigger impact that way. You know, not that, you know, there's, there's incredible nonprofits out there, but there's a lot of big nonprofits. And, you know, my feeling has always been that these smaller grassroots nonprofits are, can make a really tremendous impact. Yeah. Because it's, you know, it doesn't, you know, you don't have to give a million dollars.

[00:12:03] Like, it's just like, if you give somebody a thousand dollars or $5,000 or even $500, a lot of times that will change the trajectory of their lives. Yeah. So it's, it's been something that's been, you know, tremendously near and dear to my heart. I mean, I grew up in a military family, so we've always supported the military, but now it's, it's on a much different level for sure. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:12:24] And I, I kind of felt like you were holding our hand as we go through the book, you know, like there were, there was like a friend talking to me about, don't worry, you're going to get through this part, whether it's about, you know, love and relationship or career or, cause you broke it into, into those groups.

[00:12:46] And that was sort of a pretty cool experience to have like that mentor helping me along. So thank you for, for kind of having that voice and then working in your father's wisdom, which was really fun. And I think you've mentioned that there's three facets of life that he talked to you about. Tell, tell our audience about that.

[00:13:14] So, um, I graduated college in 2001 and 2001 pre nine 11 was an excellent job market. And, you know, and I had been an overachiever my entire life. And so I had a lot of work experience. I worked full time, um, all through college because I knew when I graduated, I wanted to have the experience to go along with the degree so that I could be a little bit more marketable as the other 22 year olds coming out of school. And, um, I had eight job offers when I came out of school.

[00:13:42] And so, and they were all out here on the East coast. And so my dad and I came out here and just hit all the properties. We looked at all the properties, look things around and everything. And we were driving, I think we were driving from like Boston to Hartford, Connecticut or something like that. Or mystic Connecticut. I think it was because we stayed on the, we stayed on the base there. We stayed on the submarine base and mystic and our new London rather. And my, my dad said, he was like, Susan, he was just like, there's a lot of things that make an impact on your life.

[00:14:10] But he said, when you really kind of think about it, he said, things kind of boil down to like the three facets of life. He said, you have the thing that you do for a living. He was just like, he has your, you have the person that you're with and you have the place that you live. He was like, if you're happy with three out of three, you're living a golden life. He said, even if you're happy with two out of three, you're, you're doing pretty well. But if you're only happy with one or none of those things, you're the only person that can get off your butt and do something about it. And so, you know, and I, I've taken that to heart.

[00:14:39] I mean, and even when, you know, I've, I've mentored for decades too, in my industry. And I've been also with, you know, at the university level too. And when somebody is, feels like they're kind of stuck, we always kind of run through those because, you know, sometimes like the home environment might not be the best place. And I'm not talking about like, you know, a, you know, an abusive relationship or anything like that. I mean, I don't know about you, but I've lived in some crappy places.

[00:15:06] And so, you know, it could be just something where it's like, you get up in the morning, you're like, ah, this isn't so great. You know? Or you could just not like the city that you're in. I mean, I will tell you, New York city is a city that worked for me. I mean, it was a beautiful city. I, you know, love it to death, but it is not for everybody. And I always laugh, you know, because I lived there for 11 years. I had moved from Southern California. Yeah.

[00:15:36] Big difference to New York. And I, I put up with a lot of things when you, when you live in the city and can't, you don't have a lot of money. Because of the cost of living it takes to have a life in New York city. And when I was just starting out, you know, I just didn't have that kind of funds and learned a lot about cockroaches. And other things. Water bugs, water bugs.

[00:16:06] They call them water bugs there because they're three inches long and they want, want you to feel okay with them. Like you can have them as a pet, you know? I think I named a few. Oh my God. I remember my parents came to visit me and I thought I was doing so great, you know? And they were so mortified that I was living in a place that had noises at night that were crawling all over the floor.

[00:16:36] But anyway, I was happy with two of the three things that maybe on that list. So I remember looking at an apartment in New York city and it was a studio and it was like down in Tribeca. And I remember like, I was, it was, it was a shoe box to say it was a shoe box that was using it. That's, that's pretty broad term. But I remember like literally you would get out of your bed and you would, your knees would hit the sink.

[00:17:02] And I was just like, I remember saying, I was like, well, this is interesting. He's like, Hey, easier to brush your teeth in the morning. I'm like, yeah, I think I need a little bit bigger. That's great. I think my worst was, um, I was on 78th street and not quite this must've been New York. Yeah. Yeah. Way over. Yeah.

[00:17:32] And I was behind the apartment was behind a dry cleaner. Yeah. And between the fumes and the crawling creatures, but I had a little courtyard. I could look out a window and I had a courtyard. So yeah, these are our New York stories, but I guess it does get us to that point, right?

[00:18:00] Where we can, you get at what really matters to you in those, in those three things that your, your dad passed along to you, whether it's, you know, what you're doing or where you're living. Um, and you know, the person you're with, you know, so anyway, I also think there's a massive difference between a job and a career.

[00:18:24] Ah, and you know, even when I started out in insurance, you know, that was my chosen career path. That's what I plan to do. But when I started out, I was making $24,000 a year in a draw situation. So they were taking out all my expenses. So I was basically bringing home 150 bucks, but I was a contractor and nobody told me I had to pay taxes on top of that. So it was a really big learning experience, but I became certified as a personal trainer during that time. So that was a job to help get me to where I wanted to be in my career.

[00:18:53] So it's just like, I always tell people like, Hey, you know, a job is basically like clock in, clock out. You're not really investing a lot. You know, it, you know, it's a way to get from A to B, but like a career you're going to be willing to sacrifice for. You're going to be willing to do without. I mean, when I started insurance, I mean, I always tell everybody that starts in insurance, I'm like, you really have to bust your butt for three years. Like if you really do things right, you network, you, you do without, you don't go on the vacations, you work on the weekends. If you have to work on the weekends, you work late at night to get things done.

[00:19:23] Then you won't even recognize your life in three years, but not a lot of people going to do that. So it's just like, you have to, you know, you have to do that. So I just always think like when people say, you know, Oh, this is my, my job. This is my career. I'm like, okay, is it a job or is it a career? Cause I look at them as very different things. Well, you had a story in the book about understanding your worth and also like walking out, right?

[00:19:52] When they wouldn't tell you how much they were going to pay you to work more. Yeah. Yeah. That was, I think you have to tell. So, yeah. Okay. So I, you know, I'd worked for a large insurance brokerage and I was a contractor for them. And after a year, they presented me with this opportunity that I was going to be a management trainee. And so I was going to shadow different areas of, of insurance, you know, from health insurance

[00:20:22] to personal lines, commercial lines, cyber, what have you, and decide what's going to be the best fit for me long-term. But I'm going through the contract and I'm reading through it. And there's, there's no salary in there and there's no commission structure and there's nothing. It's just contract that basically says like, you do all this stuff. And, and then there's nothing that says they're going to pay me to do all this stuff. And I remember it like, and I will say that the CFO was later fired. Um, but the CFO at the time said to me, I was, I looked at him and I had, I mean, I was,

[00:20:53] I was 26 years old and I, I was looking at this contract and I said, well, what, what are you going to pay me? What's my salary going to be? And he said, well, you're just going to have to trust us. And I don't know how I like had the, the hoops, uh, hoops, but, you know, to like to, to say it, but I remember looking at him, I said, well, trust doesn't pay my bills. And, um, and cause I was like, I get my father was an attorney, right? In a civilian life. I wasn't about to sign a contract that looked like that.

[00:21:23] He at least taught me some of those things, but I was just, I, I was shocked. I mean, that I said that and he said, well, if you're not going to sign it, then I think we're probably done here. Um, but I will say the one thing that they did right by me in the beginning is I own my book of business from day one. Um, so when I walked out, those were my clients. And so I took them all with me. You just signed over the letter saying, Hey, Susan's my, my broker on the outside. And so I was making over twice as much money on day one because I was no longer splitting with the house. Yeah.

[00:21:52] Um, but you know, and you know, you mentioned about the, the knowing your worth. I mean, I think in this day and age, a lot of times people talk about that. They, they talk about knowing your worth and they're usually meaning like, like know who you are as a person, know who, you know, know what your likes and dislikes are, you know, how to be motivated and things like that. But I'm actually talking more about monetary and you know, I will tell you, I'm a tourist, you know, so I'm all about the money. How do I make it? How do I get it? You know, type of thing, but I'm really driven and I'm really focused.

[00:22:22] And so I always tell people, like, I always ask people when I'm teaching or, you know, where I'm speaking, I'll always say, do you know how much you're worth per hour? And you're lucky if 10% raise their hand. And so I always think, I mean, and it doesn't, you know, I, I look at this more like when you're in a sales capacity or things like that, but it doesn't have to be that. I mean, even if you're a salary person, like the quick down and dirty is look at how much you work.

[00:22:52] Like, are you working 40 hour work week? Are you working a 50 hour work week? How much vacation time are you taking and stuff like that? And then you take your salary and you divide it by those number of hours per year. And that tells you what you're like, you're, you're working hour is. And once you know that to me saying yes and no to things become so much easier because you know the cost, because it's just like, you'll have people that say like, Hey, I want to pick your brain.

[00:23:18] You know, especially if you started, you know, accumulating awards and you've done well in your industry, people like, Oh, I'd really like to just sit down and pick your brain. Well, yeah, they're basically saying, can I want to use all your stuff, but which is fine, but you need to know what the value of that is because it's just like, it's not that $5 cup of coffee. It's, is it take you 30 minutes to drive there? Are you going to sit down with them for an hour, hour and a half? And then there's 30 minutes back. Like then, you know, and then you take, you know, whatever your hourly rate times three

[00:23:48] and that cup of coffee just got really expensive. And so then, you know, like, Hey, when I go back to the office, this is the revenue I need to generate to replace that time that I was gone. So it's just like, even like when you take vacations and you go to conferences and you do these different things, it's always good to, you know, to look at those things. Like when I, I, you know, when somebody asked me to speak at a conference and they might not have much of a budget, I have to know going into it, like, what is my time worth and what is this costing me? What am I giving up?

[00:24:18] And is there going to be an opportunity that it leads to then great. Like, maybe I'll get a client out of it. Maybe I'll get another speaking engagement or, um, you know, now that I have the nonprofit, a lot of times, like I just expect accepted a speaking engagement where they made a donation to the nonprofit. Yeah. Um, so it's just like, so I'll do things like that too. I mean, but if you don't know what it is, like, you're just, you're giving away a lot of not, not, not even your time, but also your money.

[00:24:43] I think it's such a, you know, important, like you're talking about, you give people the calculation. Okay. This is how you do it. This is how you figure that out. And I love when you say in the book, um, I think you say. Like, no, it's a complete sentence. That one just, I went, Oh, I've got to think about that hard that has that on there. Well, and as women, we want to really explain everything, right?

[00:25:11] No, I can't do it because, you know, Johnny's got to go to soccer practice. And then I have to, Oh, somebody asked me to host this PTA thing. And all my mom asked me to come over because she can't, you know, her hands aren't working really well. Right. And I need to like put her earrings in for it. You know, it's like nobody cares. Nobody cares. It's just like, be like, no, sorry. It's not going to work for me right now. Or, you know, it's like the one that I like that people are kind of using now is like my, my plate is as full as I like it.

[00:25:39] It's not like you're saying like, Hey, I mean, cause all of us can find the time if we really want to do something, but it's just like, there's nothing wrong with saying no to somebody. So you can say yes to yourself. Oh, okay. We need, we need those. Definitely. Definitely. I'm trying to think of what the card would look like, but I'm thinking that you're giving me a whole new line of cards and inspiration for people.

[00:26:03] Um, Oh, I, I, you have a lot to say to it in the book about good relationships. Oh, and I love that when you're talking, you're talking about your relationship with your husband, but in your differences and giving each other space for those differences. And there are, I love when you say we keep our own identities within our relationship instead of losing

[00:26:32] ourselves. Wow. Yeah. It's so true. I mean, especially, I mean, I, I honestly think that so many people don't know what a good relationship looks like. I mean, I will tell you, I was married before my husband. That wasn't the greatest marriage, but I didn't know better. And, you know, my parents had a wonderful marriage. I mean, I had one modeled for me.

[00:26:57] Not everybody gets a good marriage modeled for them, but I also think, man, you know, I know they don't teach home economics anymore. They probably call it something else, but that's what I would be teaching is like understanding what a good relationship is, um, is like, um, because it's just, you know, my husband always says, you know, like I, you know, he's like, I want you, but I don't need you.

[00:27:25] And all women need to feel that way because they need to know at the end of the day that they're enough. Like, um, Viola Davis, like she just did this interview and, um, they said, you know, what, what's a relationship thing. And she said, you need to be the love of your life. Like you need to, you know, because that's the thing. A lot of times I think women change tremendously. I think from the ages 23 to 26, I mean, even maybe a little bit older.

[00:27:52] I mean, I always tell people like I, and I know this is my opinion, but I honestly feel that you have no business getting married if you're still on your parents' payroll. And because every woman should be able to support themselves. And if they ever need to walk out, they need to be able to walk out. I've had many friends that have not had it so easy and they felt stuck.

[00:28:16] And, you know, by, by knowing your worth, not only financially, but also mentally and knowing that you're a catch and that, you know, my, my husband's wonderful. And I'll tell you, we had, we've been together over 20 years now and we didn't have our first fight until we were about 18 months together. And, um, which we both behaved badly because we just didn't know, like we, it was uncharted

[00:28:41] water, but that fight was probably the best thing to ever happen in our relationship because that's when the power shifted. Because as a woman, I just, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I felt like it was too good to be true. This can't really be how a relationship is supposed to be. I'm so happy. He's such a good person. He's a partner. He, you know, he celebrates my victories like they're his own. Like he doesn't get intimidated if I'm the spotlight in the room.

[00:29:11] Um, but once, once we had that fight, I had an epiphany. I was literally taking a bus, you know, up third Avenue and it like hit me that I was, that I was enough. And that if it didn't work out with him, that there was another guy around the corner. You'd be, and it's not, yeah. And it's not a braggadocious thing. It's just saying that, Hey, I know I'm a good person. I know I'm a quote unquote catch. Right.

[00:29:38] And it's just like, and there's, I, I'm, I'm not somebody that believes in the one true soulmate and that it's like, there's only one person. There are many people out there that you can be content with and you can be very, very happy and have a very successful relationship with, but you have to know what you bring to the table. Yeah. So good. Well, I, I also think too, that I know there's, there can be a lot of fear and scarcity around relationship.

[00:30:07] And, um, it took me a really long time. My parents raised me with, you need to get a good education so that when your husband leaves you, you'll be okay. And it took me long time to, to finally really unpack that belief. Yeah. And be okay.

[00:30:32] That, you know, that isn't necessarily going to happen. It could, it may not, but it became so part of my drive for independence and to achieve and to keep moving because of that underlying belief. And it was true freedom when I could let it go and just say, either way it goes, yo, you're

[00:31:02] going to be fine. Yeah. You'll be fine either way. Yeah. And, um, so I appreciate that you're talking about worthiness because I do think that that's something that comes to us maybe with a little bit of age and wisdom, because we have to be able to observe what those underlying beliefs are, you know, and kind of undo them so that they don't have such a hold on us.

[00:31:32] I think it's hard sometimes to, to see that. And well, and don't you think too, it depends on, I really think it depends on where you're at too, in terms of like, I mean, one of the things, I mean, my husband and I recently moved to New Hampshire and there's a lot less noise here. And, um, I find myself thinking deeper, having deeper conversations, you know, with my friends that aren't here even, um, because I have the space to do so.

[00:32:00] I don't think I had a lot of space to do that in New York. I think that there was just, it, you know, it was the constant grind, the constant busyness and so much noise that it's just like, you don't have time for your own thoughts a lot of the time. So I, you know, and I, and I have a lot of friends, how I understand why they meditated in New York city. I was like, Oh, that's why you did that thing. Um, I was like, I can just do that now in New Hampshire. I have no friends, you know, but, um, but it's, it's interesting that, you know, the different,

[00:32:30] I think demographics and different areas and stuff like that allow for different spaces that way too. Sure. Well, you talk a little bit too about your evolution, like the spiritual evolution you've had, the openness that you've had, um, for signs coming to you. And, um, I feel that way too.

[00:32:52] I mean, it's getting in touch with my own intuition, which I had put way behind the wall to, um, achieve and to be accepted. And so, you know, I've been doing more intuitive practices just to kind of get that space that you're talking about, you know, that environment. Um, I know that's come to you as well.

[00:33:20] Um, so anyway, I share that with you. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I'm a big, big believer in signs. And, you know, I think with signs too, it's just like, if you're open to them, you get more. And, you know, I think there's a lot of things in this, this universe that we just don't understand and we can't comprehend. And, and it's just, you know, being open to those things because I, you know, I still talk to my dad in my head. I still need those, you know, advice. And, you know, since I was so fortunate to have a dad that gave so much good advice.

[00:33:50] I mean, I have kind of a, a Rolodex in my head that I can plug and play when I need to. Yeah. But yeah, it's just, I mean, I had shared with you, um, earlier that sunflowers are a big sign to get from my dad. And, um, so those are just like getting a, getting a big hug from him when I see them. So those are cool. I think we also have to slow down a bit in order to see the signs, um, because they're there. Yeah.

[00:34:14] And I know that when I'm in work mode and producing, I don't see anything else. I mean, um, and you know, to just sit back for a moment and make it slow down so that I can see things a little bit differently. I, I, I totally get that. I've got to be doing that. Well, you and I could be talking forever, girlfriend.

[00:34:43] I feel like we're, we're kind of tied here spiritually as well as, you know, mentally, but tell us about the February pancake month. Yeah. How we can support you and the foundation. That would be so awesome. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, I mean, it's just as simple as having pancakes. I mean, that's what it comes down to. So it's just like, so every picture that we get on social media, it's not, and I always,

[00:35:09] I always stress it has to be public facing because if you have a private profile, we can't pick up those hashtags because you don't let anybody see them. So, uh, so we say public facing profile where they tag our, um, our accounts, you know, we have, we have Instagram, we have Facebook, we have LinkedIn. Um, you know, so it's just like if they, you know, they share the pictures and we always tell people to get creative. Um, you know, we do have some pancakes for Roger swag. Um, you know, we've had people that, and you know, they, we also have the book.

[00:35:37] And so you can do multiple counts for a donation. So for example, if somebody has one of our dragon slayer t-shirts on and they have the book and they have pancakes, then we'll make three donations to the clinic. There you go. Um, so it's just like, but we tell people to have fun, like we do awards. So we do like the most creative pancake, the most creative place to have a pancake, um, the most school spirit, the most patriotic pancake. And then what we do is then, um, you know, we get the finalists and then we put together

[00:36:07] like a, like a Google voting thing and then the public gets to vote. And so it's just like, they get to have, so then this year in March, we're going to have the award winners are going to be on a billboard in times square. So it's just like, that has like a live feed. So even if you can't be in New York city, you can still watch it on live feed and we'll go and get, you know, pictures and videos and things like that for the person chooses. They can, they can have them as well. It's fabulous. Yeah. So it's just like, it's fun. I mean, and you know, we, we always tell people like, you know, the pancake month. I mean, yes.

[00:36:36] Are we, we a nonprofit? Are we raising money? Do we love sponsorships? Yes, absolutely. Um, if you, um, if you want to see your logo on a map, because we actually have a pancake map. Um, so, you know, since we track everything last February, we got all 50 States, um, all seven continents and 29 additional countries. There you go. So we made our largest donation because the nonprofit pancakes, Roger made a donation to the clinic. And then my company Combs and company matched the donation up to $5,000.

[00:37:06] So we were able to donate over $10,000 to the clinic. Yeah. So it's just like, so our goal for this February and we're, you know, we're, we're trucking along for sure is, um, we want to hit a thousand, um, a thousand donations this year. So, um, so we always tell people just like have a pancake, use the hashtag or tag us and, you know, help a vet. I mean, it's really that simple. So, but like I said, on the pancake map, we have people that are lowest sponsorship,

[00:37:34] um, level where you're recognized quote unquote is a hundred dollars. So people can sponsor a state so they can go online and they could submit their logo. So say you took Utah, then when somebody has a pancake in Utah, we put your logo on Utah. So it accounts for it. So it's just kind of fun. So you can like, you can look at the website and see like our, you know, our past maps and everything. Um, I mean, we got Antarctica, I had to contact me to contact Antarctica in January to say like, Hey guys, because you know, they can't just go to Costco and get pancake mix.

[00:38:04] Like we can, they get it shipped in. So I was like, can't let me down. We had Antarctica two years in a row. I can't not have Antarctica going forward. It's so great. And we'll have all that information in the show notes for our, um, our audience. Is there anything else that you want to leave with our listeners and viewers? You know, with, with the book, um, just because a lot of times people were like, you know, what, what's the book kind of about?

[00:38:32] I mean, the book is written in vignette style. I mean, as you said, it's into different sections. So it's self-love family and career. You know, I had an uncle that used to say, take what you want and throw out the rest. And, you know, as I mentioned before, I was always raised that if you get a good piece of advice, it's your duty to share it with somebody else. It doesn't mean everything's going to resonate with you. Um, but you know, maybe I'll resonate with you at a later date. Um, you know, I, I, I write how I talk. Um, so I'm pretty plain spoken.

[00:39:01] So, um, the, I think the longest chapter is about 10 pages. There's other chapters that have like one or two paragraphs. Um, you know, I, uh, a few friends that actually use it almost like as a daily devotional, like they read it like a chapter a day, just kind of like to have a different lessons. But, you know, at the end of the day, it's just about reminding yourself to be grateful for the little things and also remember, you know, we have a lot of fine men and women that have served our country.

[00:39:29] Some have paid, you know, the ultimate price like my father has. And, um, so it's just good to remember all the, all the veterans in our, our country as well. Yeah. Well, thank you for that. And thank you for the book. I definitely thought it was also very good for somebody going through grief. Yeah. And, um, your lessons there and insights about that were very touching. Um, for me, I went, yeah.

[00:39:58] And also I think like the way you opened the, this episode up for anyone who perhaps didn't have the father or the role model that they wanted, or if they're starting to parent themselves and wanted to see how that relationship was so strong for you and him, you know, this was a great example. So thank you. Thanks for that.

[00:40:29] Well, I have a friend that was a Marine that he actually, anytime he has a friend that has a baby, he's been buying the book for them. He said, you know, and he was a Marine. He was a purple Fox, just like my dad. And he said, I, I give it to people as a guide to raising a strong child. Yeah. You know, a strong independent child. I was like, well, that's pretty cool. Yeah. I was telling Susan before we started that my dad was a Marine and, um, I think I was

[00:40:57] barely four years old when I knew the Marine Corps him. I mean, I, and he would take me, we were in LA at the time and he would take me to the Marine Corps, um, depot there. And I would sing a little four year old. Oh my God. That's so good. Well, so my husband and I just, um, so, you know, we're in New Hampshire and, um, I'm on a list for, um, for the VFW. And so I got a message that there was a Marine that had no known family.

[00:41:26] And so he was going to be buried. And so they, you know, asked people in the community if they wanted to go. And so my husband and I went to his funeral and they ended it with a Marine Corps him. And I was like, it was all, it was still in me. I was like, I knew all the words. I think it would be for me too. I know my husband's like, you know, I was like, my dad was a Marine. He sang it all the time. I was like, how could you not sing it? Um, so Susan, what would you tell your 20 something self today?

[00:41:55] Oh, you know, I think, I think my, my 20 something self, I mean, probably would go to when I started my company at 26. And, um, I think a lot of times, I mean, especially with COVID and things like that, people are working more from home, um, even since COVID. But one of the things that I didn't anticipate was the loneliness factor.

[00:42:19] And, um, and so I, I think a lot of times when people have gone from a big office and they're transitioning, they're like, okay, I had this side hustle. Now I'm going to start and incorporate into a company and I'm going to do my own thing working from home. You don't anticipate that. And so, you know, a lot of times you have to do, um, just incorporate things into your schedule, like going out for coffee multiple times a week, or maybe having a fellowship

[00:42:47] meeting, you know, with, uh, different people in the, in the morning to just start off your day, getting up, going to the gym, having kind of some regimented activity that gives some structure that forces you to get out of the house. Um, so that's, that's one of the things that, uh, that I think is important because I think a lot of times, I mean, especially when you're starting your business or even if you're in your twenties, I mean, be smart enough to know what, you know, but smarter enough to know what you don't know and bring in the right people for the stuff you don't know. There's no harm in that.

[00:43:15] It doesn't, it shouldn't be a hit to your ego. There's no possible way that we can all know everything. So wise. So did you get a chance? You did. I remember now you went to our, our, uh, card and gift store and you definitely, uh, like some things there. What was your favorite? The sunflower. The sunflower. That's right. Yeah. Because it's just like, you know, I mean, a big sign for my dad every time I see the sunflowers. So I saw that. I'm like, Oh, there's some sunflowers. Perfect.

[00:43:46] Perfect. All right. Well, thank you again for joining us and sharing your very inspiring book. And, um, I know I'm, I have a few people on my list to pass along too. So thanks again for being here. Thanks for having me. Thank you for listening today. And we sure hope you enjoyed this episode. And if you did, please leave a comment wherever you listen to your podcasts, tell a friend about

[00:44:12] us, join our public Facebook group, girl, take the lead, or visit our website, girl, take the lead pod.com. We also have a YouTube channel where your subscription would be appreciated. Once you're on YouTube search at girl, take the lead. And we're also on YouTube music where you can find a video of this episode and you can find a video on Spotify as well. Here are three takeaways from today's episode.

[00:44:41] One, there are three facets of life. Susan's dad offered that can make an impact. That is one, the person you're with to the thing you do for a living and three, the place you live. And if you're happy with three out of three or two out of three, you're living the golden life.

[00:45:06] But if you're only happy with one or none of those things, you're the only person that can change it. Two, Susan encourages all of us to know our worth and when it's time to walk away. She's talking about our monetary worth per hour to help us determine your working hour. Saying no is so much easier because you know the cost.

[00:45:36] And three, understanding what a good relationship is like. At the end of the day, all women need to know they're enough. And as Viola Davis said, you need to be the love of your life. Our next episode will feature our guest, Molly Rose Speed, founder of the Virtual Assistant

[00:46:05] Academy, which seeks to enhance the skills and professionalism of virtual assistants. Her mission is to support military spouses in creating remote work, rewarding careers, supporting entrepreneurs as virtual assistants. One insight she made is that asking for help and delegating can be difficult, even for the best of us.

[00:46:33] So our episode explores why it's so challenging and some of the costs involved when we don't ask for help. So please join us for this important conversation. Oh, and there's one more thing I'd like to tell you about. Lata Hamilton, a guest on our show a couple of times, is offering a free Change Tools Masterclass, which starts March 11th.

[00:46:59] I'll have info in the show notes if you'd like to learn more. Talk to you soon. Bye.