185. Leadership with Heart: Kim Dechaine on Intuition, Self-Awareness, and Mental Wellness

[00:00:06] Welcome to episode 185, which is a Girl Take the Lead soundbite. And that's a shorter episode,

[00:00:11] which may be a bit more about a topic we've covered like our episode today or quick inspiration.

[00:00:17] And I'm your host, Yolanda Canny. This episode is building on our previous episode with Kathy and

[00:00:24] Rosemary, where we talked about their book, Fearless Female Leaders in episode 182. We then

[00:00:30] follow Jane Dyer and Paula Stone Williams. Today we'll conclude the series with our guest, Kim DeChaine.

[00:00:38] Kim is a recognized international speaker and facilitator who specializes in empowering

[00:00:45] professional women to stay in their leadership roles with more ease and joy by navigating

[00:00:52] and preventing overwhelm and burnout. Through her journey with depression and suicidal thoughts,

[00:00:59] Kim has learned one important truth. We are human beings, not human doings.

[00:01:09] Topics we covered in the episode included the core value of peace, intuition and leadership,

[00:01:18] self-awareness and compassion, and mental health actions to pause and be. Here you go.

[00:01:28] So hi, Kim. Welcome to Girl Take the Lead. I love having you here. Thanks for coming.

[00:01:33] Yeah. Thank you so much. I am so excited and honored to be here.

[00:01:37] Yeah. And why don't we start by just, if you could give some background about yourself so that our

[00:01:45] listeners can just get a feel for your story. Yeah, for sure. Thank you. Hi, yeah. So my name,

[00:01:52] I'm Kim DeChaine. I am a mother of two beautiful girls, 16 and 18. So I am just beginning the empty nester,

[00:02:03] you know, starting. My daughter is going away to eat first daughters going away to university this year.

[00:02:07] So just, this is all kind of a new phase of life for me, wife of 20 years. And I am a teacher,

[00:02:18] a healer, a speaker, feminine leadership coach, integrative mental health coach. And I think,

[00:02:27] you know, my biggest thing is that I'm a survivor of mental illness. And from that,

[00:02:33] that is kind of been how my journey shifted. And then what has brought me here. And we always say

[00:02:44] sometimes that, you know, we need to see the silver lining. And definitely, you know, the silver lining

[00:02:51] of my mental illness has brought me to be the leader, the teacher, and the mother,

[00:02:59] the other, and to where I am right today. Yeah. So what made you join the project with Kathy and Rosemary?

[00:03:08] Yeah, that's an interesting question, actually, because, you know, and I, I think it was 2019,

[00:03:15] or maybe right at the beginning of the pandemic. And so was doing a lot of online, you know, meeting people.

[00:03:23] And so Kathy and I just, I kind of popped up in her, you know, LinkedIn, and she just reached out,

[00:03:31] and we had a coffee conversation online. And through our visiting, we found, of course,

[00:03:38] we had a lot of similarities in our story. And then all of a sudden, she was like, well, I'm writing a

[00:03:43] book. And I think that Kim, I would love to interview you like you might fit. And, you know, I had no idea

[00:03:51] that this would all turn out, and that I would end up in this book. It was just like, sure,

[00:03:56] I love telling my story. So let's do it. And here we are now, four or five years later,

[00:04:03] and this beautiful book is out. And so really, it wasn't something that I chose, it just kind of

[00:04:10] happened and landed in my lap. Had you seen yourself as a fearless female leader before Kathy

[00:04:18] told you not, no, not quite to the extent that she always tells me, which I always feel so amazing

[00:04:24] after I talked to her. And I think being in this book with the amazing group of women who are also

[00:04:33] in it is just so humbling. So yeah, well, you talk a little bit about like the role of leadership,

[00:04:43] leadership, and you talk about maybe core values associated with that. And you mentioned that

[00:04:52] your, I guess, highest core value is peace. I wonder if you could talk a little bit about that,

[00:05:00] because that, that's not usually the, you know, one where I would hear would be the highest value,

[00:05:07] but talk, yeah. What did you see there? Yeah. Well, you know, when you are struggling with

[00:05:14] depression and anxiety, you do not have peace in your mind. And so once I could find that once I

[00:05:22] healed and was able to find peace, I can live a life where I can make impact as long as I can find peace

[00:05:32] within me. And I think any leader that if we can find peace within our mind and our heart,

[00:05:39] we are able to take action and make impact. And so, you know, when I, I use that value as kind of my

[00:05:49] compass, right? My true North. So when making decisions, it's like, you know, really sitting with,

[00:05:55] well, I've been asked to help with this project and I sit with it. And if I feel light and at peace,

[00:06:04] it's probably an easy yes. If it's going to bring peace to my family or calm to my family,

[00:06:12] it'll probably be a yes. But if I can feel friction, if I can feel that, not that it might be a struggle,

[00:06:21] struggle is sometimes it might be hard work. That's different, right? But it's a lightness to it.

[00:06:27] And if I know I can do it and still have some peace and calm within my mind and my heart,

[00:06:35] then I will move forward. And so, yeah, I have peace. And, you know, I always say when I deal with

[00:06:41] values is that, you know, I always, I, when I teach it, I often tell people that family,

[00:06:47] lots of people say, oh, well, family's my number one value. Well, to me, I don't even,

[00:06:52] make it a value in that for majority of people, family is number one, family relationships.

[00:06:59] And so, but if I have peace, I am better and I am able to be there for my family. I am able to be

[00:07:07] there for my relationships. And so, and I'm there for myself. I am healthy when I feel at peace. And so

[00:07:15] that is kind of where it's at. If something brings me peace, then I am able to say yes to it.

[00:07:23] I think you also talk a little bit that what's underneath that perhaps is trusting your intuition.

[00:07:30] Mm-hmm. Yes, absolutely. It is. Yeah. I think that, you know, as women in leadership,

[00:07:39] we have a special gift. And within that is, and Kathy and Rosemary talk about this in the book is that,

[00:07:50] you know, we have feminine and masculine energy. And so, you know, part of the feminine energy,

[00:07:57] which both male and females have is this listening to our intuition. And so through my healing process,

[00:08:05] I have really learned that listening, learning how to pause and find that peace allows us to hear

[00:08:15] our intuition, to feel it. And a lot of times we don't pause long enough to do that. And so when I

[00:08:23] have, when I'm feeling peace, then I can really connect to my intuition, my gut instinct, whatever

[00:08:30] you want to call it. But often as leaders, we often feel like we need to go to our head, that it needs to be

[00:08:37] logical, and it needs to make sense. But our body and our heart know what's best. And so as soon as I listen

[00:08:45] to my intuition and my gut, then it also brings me peace. So they're both connected, right? Intertwined.

[00:08:51] Yeah. Well, I often find too, that when I'm in that quiet with myself, that what pops up are like

[00:09:01] underlying beliefs that are driving, you know, whatever emotions I'm going through at the time

[00:09:10] that could prevent me from listening to my intuition or being in peace. And then being able to question

[00:09:18] that belief. Like, is that true? You know, doing a little Byron Katie turnaround on it, but

[00:09:26] is that kind of like what you see too? Or do you see something different?

[00:09:30] No, I absolutely do. And I think that, you know, in leadership, if we want to be better leaders,

[00:09:36] my, you know, number one is that we need self-awareness. And that is what that is,

[00:09:41] right, is, am I aware of my thoughts, my feelings, and my actions? And then am I able to control them?

[00:09:50] And so, you know, that self-awareness then allows us to shift where we need to. And, and we always are

[00:09:58] shifting. We, we don't always have control of our thoughts, feelings, and actions. We're human, right?

[00:10:04] And so I feel like when you said that, that is just us looking and really being aware. And then

[00:10:11] taking that moment to be like, okay, is this truth, right? Is this the real story? Or is this

[00:10:17] just my story that I am implementing into it? So I think that, yeah, I think self-leadership,

[00:10:24] self-awareness is number one for any woman. And I think any man also that if we want to be fearless,

[00:10:32] feminine leaders, like, you know, the book that we're kind of talking about today, is that we need

[00:10:39] to be able to really start with us. And we have to become a leader of our own life. And I think that's

[00:10:46] where my leadership really started, was that, you know, when I started to heal from my depression and

[00:10:52] my anxiety, that I had to be the one that did that. I had to take action to heal myself. And if we can lead

[00:11:00] our own life and those thoughts, those feelings and actions, then we are able to lead others. But it has

[00:11:07] to start here.

[00:11:09] Yeah. Well, and I love what you say about that. Because I think it brings up what you were saying

[00:11:17] too, in the book about compassion. And it, I'll just kind of read it for a moment here.

[00:11:24] Sure. Compassion allows you to look at people through your heart and not just your head.

[00:11:30] Compassion is also essential for how you look at and connect with yourself. Oh, I thought that was

[00:11:38] so beautiful. Really nice. Yeah. Cause I think we're probably so hard on ourselves and critical of

[00:11:51] ourselves. That compassion is, you know, just our way of giving us a big virtual hug.

[00:11:59] Yes, absolutely. It is. It's going to be okay.

[00:12:05] Yes. Yeah. And we've just been taught, you know, to be, give ourselves high expectations and be hard

[00:12:14] on ourselves. And especially as women, we are the nurturers, right? We are, we look after others.

[00:12:20] And so often we do that without giving that same respect back to ourselves. Oh yeah.

[00:12:28] You know, right. And so I often say, you know, you need to think about how you would treat your

[00:12:34] grandmother, how you would treat your best friend. What would you be saying to them in this moment?

[00:12:39] And then you need to treat yourself that exact same way. And a lot of times, a lot of women are like,

[00:12:47] well, I don't even feel worthy of that. And so that's where we start, you know, working on ourselves.

[00:12:54] But, and I also flip it. Also now being a mother of two girls, you know, is that I want to role model

[00:13:04] for them that it is a necessity to look after yourself. It is a necessity that we have to show

[00:13:14] ourselves compassion because when we can do that, then we can actually show others compassion more.

[00:13:21] The stronger relationship we have with ourselves, the better relationship that we have with others.

[00:13:28] Well, one of the stories that you have in the book is about your postpartum depression.

[00:13:36] And I read that and I had a flavor of that after my firstborn. And it wasn't until I read it in the

[00:13:45] book that I actually connected some pieces together that mine was about, um, I hadn't, I had, um, kind of a

[00:13:56] late minute decision to have a C-section. And so what I was dealing with and my obstetrician didn't know

[00:14:07] kind of what to do with it. But what I was dealing with was I didn't feel I gave birth

[00:14:15] and I, it took me long, long time to kind of get to that point of, I think it was when I had my

[00:14:23] second daughter and I was able to deliver her, um, as a V back that I went, okay, okay. I'm complete.

[00:14:33] But there was, it was, I wish there had been somebody in the moment to say, wait a minute,

[00:14:40] look at what's underneath that. You did a great job. You have a baby, healthy baby. You delivered,

[00:14:49] you know, just not celebrating that. Right. And I thought, I just, I just want to thank you for

[00:14:57] putting that in the book because I hadn't really put the picture together for myself.

[00:15:02] Cause you know, now I see, oh yeah, I didn't feel like I was worthy at that point, but I was

[00:15:10] totally 24 hours of labor. It was enough, but at the time it just didn't feel like I was worthy.

[00:15:22] Right. Well, thank you for sharing that because this is why we tell our stories, right? Yes.

[00:15:27] But we can connect to other people and their stories and be like, oh, I am not alone in this.

[00:15:35] And as soon as we notice that we're not alone, right. That, that weight is lifted off of us. And

[00:15:41] it's like, oh, this is actually normal. Yeah. A lot of these things that we struggle with is it is

[00:15:48] normal. And the more we just need to talk about it more and more. So we realize that we are all the

[00:15:54] same. We are all in this together. Yeah. And I really question whether anybody has a hundred

[00:16:01] percent mental health. No, no one does. Sorry, but no, no, we all have our stuff to deal with.

[00:16:11] And, and definitely. And I think you point to it too. It takes work. It just doesn't happen.

[00:16:18] You got to work at it. Yeah. It's a, it's a practice and, you know, we, we compare it to

[00:16:25] running a marathon. We don't just run out right and run it. We have to practice, practice, practice. And so,

[00:16:31] you know, mental health is exactly the same, but people don't prioritize it. And so that is one of

[00:16:39] my goals is to help people insert some of those practices within their days. So they don't feel

[00:16:44] like it's an extra, it just becomes part of your day. So are those some of the actions like in chapter

[00:16:51] 10, when she talks about, you know, actions you can take, would it be, what would you recommend like

[00:16:57] writing and meditating and things like that? Yeah. I mean, my number one thing always is we have to

[00:17:05] learn to pause and to be, and so, you know, my big stop and just take three deep breaths.

[00:17:15] We really have to start to train our body. Number one, to notice what it's like to pause.

[00:17:21] And then number two, to start to slow down our mind. And I mean, deep breathing is huge for this.

[00:17:29] And, you know, we could go into all of the research that what it says, but my biggest thing is that we

[00:17:37] just have to learn how to be quiet. We don't do that. We don't have that. And sometimes we're scared of

[00:17:43] what is going to come up and it's okay. It doesn't matter what comes up. Just start to pause. And I

[00:17:51] actually, I can't see my sticky at the moment, but I have a little sticky called that says pause. And,

[00:17:59] you know, I have a lot of my clients, I put it someplace where they walk by, not on their computer

[00:18:06] because you're looking at your computer all the time. Maybe it's on your fridge. Maybe it's, you know,

[00:18:10] on a shelf in your office. And when you see it, you just stop and take three breaths. That's it.

[00:18:18] And that is a really easy thing to just start practicing. Practicing freeze and pause.

[00:18:26] And it is amazing what people say after they've been doing it, let's say for two or three weeks.

[00:18:32] And they're like, actually, I've noticed that I can do it on my own sometimes without seeing the

[00:18:37] sticker. Like I just pause, take three breaths. And I actually feel like I can be more focused.

[00:18:43] Um, I don't, my emotions kind of level off a bit. Right. So yeah, that's number one thing that I just

[00:18:50] tell people where everyone can start. That's a great suggestion. Terrific one. I, you know,

[00:18:57] how sometimes on social media, you get served up certain, um, posts. And I, this morning I got served

[00:19:05] up, um, uh, a portion of the book from, uh, that poo is in conversation with Eeyore and Eeyore is saying,

[00:19:14] why are you sitting? And he said, because I'm listening. And I'm, I thought that was terrific.

[00:19:24] So it fits right in with what you said, you know, it's like, yes, I'm sitting and I'm listening.

[00:19:30] I love that. Yes. And I think that, you know, lessons that we learn from, you know, being a

[00:19:36] leader when we had kind of talked about compassion for me is also to be compassionate. You have to be

[00:19:41] able to listen and we have to be able to pause to be able to listen, right. Without our mind going

[00:19:49] into our stories and what we want to say and how this is affecting us, right. Just really just be

[00:19:55] and listen, whether that's listening to another person or just listening to our body and our

[00:20:01] intuition. Well, that's great. What's next for you? Well, um, actually right now I am doing a,

[00:20:12] I'm, I'm working really closely with the school division for one year and really working on, um,

[00:20:20] helping teachers, um, relieve stress and burnout so that they can be really positive leaders.

[00:20:27] And so, and that is where my, you know, I have a huge heart because I was a teacher for 13 years,

[00:20:33] right. That's where kind of my burnout, um, started and then, you know, the depression and postpartum

[00:20:40] kind of went on from there. And so, um, yeah, so this is really exciting for me that the next step right

[00:20:47] now has been just teachers and leadership and, um, and how that affects our students, because if we

[00:20:54] don't have healthy teachers, it's really hard to have healthy students and, um, we don't have either

[00:20:59] right now. And so, you know, at the moment that is, uh, that's the big thing that's happening. So I'm

[00:21:06] really excited to be working with that. That is so cool. I, I, I think that is just such a positive

[00:21:13] way to help others heal. So you are definitely doing, you're on your healing journey. You're the

[00:21:21] healer. Yeah. It's amazing, right? You, we had to go through things so that we can then help others

[00:21:30] go through it also. And I truly believe that. So what would you tell your 20 something self?

[00:21:39] Yes. You know, I, I think that I would tell her that, um, that to let go of perfectionism,

[00:21:48] there's no such thing. Um, and to be in the moment from the beginning, like don't,

[00:21:57] we always say life passes us by, right? But to really just take in what you're doing,

[00:22:03] just be really conscious, um, of that and, um, and laugh often. I'm, I'm always, you know,

[00:22:13] we need to have fun. We have to prioritize, um, having fun and celebrating our wins.

[00:22:22] Hmm. Well, I definitely would tell my 20 something self to pause more. Definitely. Yes.

[00:22:29] She was on such a fast track and driven and drive, drive, drive, drive, drive. Right. Yeah.

[00:22:38] That I would take your advice there and pause. I would put it all over the house. Breathe, breathe.

[00:22:47] Oh, thank you so much for coming on the show today. Is there anything like, um, a way that our listeners

[00:22:54] can get in touch with you or find out more about your coaching, whatever? Um, yeah, for sure. You

[00:23:00] can definitely, you know, find me on Facebook. I know our links will be there. Kim to Shane and

[00:23:06] inner powered leaders, um, LinkedIn. I am there and I'm on Instagram too. So all under Kim to Shane. So,

[00:23:14] uh, yeah, you can find me there. And I'll put that into the show notes. So thank you again, Kim. And,

[00:23:20] um, I think it was awesome. Just an awesome. So thank you. Yeah. Thank you so much. Yolanda. I really,

[00:23:27] really appreciate it. And, um, yeah, we're so grateful to, uh, really share more about

[00:23:33] this amazing book that we're all in. Yeah. Thanks.

[00:23:38] Thank you for listening today. And we sure hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did,

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[00:24:26] Here are three takeaways from our episode. One values and leadership, especially having peace

[00:24:35] and calm in our heart can really help us when it comes to decision-making. It gives us a lightness

[00:24:41] and can lead us to saying yes to projects we want to take on to women in leadership have a special gift

[00:24:51] of intuition. Pausing in that peace and calm can help us listen to that intuition. Both are intertwined.

[00:25:01] We have to learn to be quiet and pause. Three, self-awareness and shifting ourselves

[00:25:10] is number one to being a fearless leader. It starts with us. Compassion helps us lead from our heart

[00:25:19] and we have to be able to listen and to listen, we need to pause.

[00:25:28] Plus a good reminder is that no one has a hundred percent mental health. It's a practice. We all need

[00:25:35] to prioritize it. Our next episode will be another soundbite about a woman who is ferociously fearless,

[00:25:45] Kamala Harris. I know I couldn't resist. I'm so taken with her as a leader and perhaps you are too.

[00:25:56] And I found a good book to give us insights into her by Dan Morian, who covered California policy,

[00:26:05] politics and justice and related issues for more than four decades. 27 with the LA times and four

[00:26:14] with a Sacramento bee. His book is titled Kamala's way an American life on the cover. A quote from

[00:26:23] Politico reads quote, an essential roadmap to understand the life and groundbreaking political

[00:26:30] journey of the country's first female vice president. And today would probably say potentially

[00:26:40] the first female president. Our theme this whole month has been about fearless leadership. And it strikes

[00:26:47] me that you'd have to be pretty fearless to want to be president of the United States right now.

[00:26:55] So, whoa, let's explore that together. Please join me again and talk to you soon. Bye.