177. Worthy: Self-Confidence, Self-Worth, and Insights from Jamie Kern Lima’s Book

[00:00:07] Welcome to Episode 177, which is a Girl, Take the Lead, Soundbite. That's a shorter episode, which may be a bit more about a topic we've covered like our episode today or quick inspiration. And I'm your host, Yolanda Canny. In our previous episode 176 with Melissa, we talked about trauma.

[00:00:28] And if not dealt with can result in being an overachiever for trying too hard to do more. And my takeaway was that it could result from an underlying belief that I'm not enough. Not that I'm speaking from personal experience or anything. Oh yeah. Jamie Kern Limas Book, Worthy.

[00:00:53] How to believe you are enough and transform your life. Jumped off my shelf and called to me. I knew it might be helpful for us to cover it and see what Jamie has to say about this belief as it relates to our theme for the month, self-care.

[00:01:11] To give context, here are some points Jamie makes early on. One, we become what we believe we're worthy of. Two, we've been living our life hiding in plain sight. And she has this to say about self-worth. Sometimes we don't focus on learning to love ourselves

[00:01:35] because we worry it seems selfish or self-centered or even narcissistic. That could be further from the truth. In fact, narcissism is not about self-love at all. It's actually the opposite and is one of the most shame based of all personality disorders.

[00:01:56] And it's driven by self-hatred and compensating for low self-regard. It's really good to know what you've got a narcissist in life. Cultivating true self-worth is one of the most generous pursuits, not only for our own fulfillment in life, but for the capacity to show love to others.

[00:02:19] Jamie looks at self-worth as the foundation and self-confidence as the house you build upon it. And your house will only ever be as secure as the foundation is built upon. So both self-confidence and self-esteem are important to our overall well-being.

[00:02:43] And we achieve everything we set out to accomplish. We boost self-confidence, but boosting self-worth is different. And she does this terrific job in the book. And I'd like to read it to you because it really differentiates the two. So here's what she has to say about that.

[00:03:06] Self-confidence is what you show on the outside. Self-worth is what you feel on the inside. Self-confidence is based on mastery. Self-worth is based on identity. Self-confidence is believing you're skilled enough. Self-worth is believing you are enough. Self-confidence fluctuates based on your environment. Self-worth is stable through every environment.

[00:03:41] Self-confidence is fragile. Self-worth is foundational. Self-confidence is the belief in your abilities as a person. Self-worth is the belief in your value as a person. Self-confidence is I'm striving to earn love. Self-worth is knowing I am love. Self-confidence gives you drive. Self-worth gives you peace. Self-confidence is optional.

[00:04:22] Self-worth is essential. Self-confidence eventually surrenders. Self-worth ultimately prevails. Now you have to chuckle when she talks about striving for it all and got a whole lot of it all and nothing changed. Because I arrived at each new destination and crossed each celebratory finish line

[00:04:50] and I still realized there was me. I took me with me every time. Can you relate to that? Oh yeah. I made geographic changes, job changes, relationship changes and there I still was still wondering why I wasn't happy.

[00:05:08] Chambee says it's because we're growing in the areas of beliefs about our self and it's our own identity that boosts self-confidence but not the ones that boost self-worth. I just hated putting an author, pulls the covers back on some truth I have held about myself.

[00:05:32] I do love it though when she says this. You can live out and experience every great thing in the world and feel unfulfilled the entire time because your deep sense of self-worth has debilitative cracks in the foundation. So how do we overcome this?

[00:05:53] Jamie says at the very bottom of low self-esteem is a fear of rejection. We don't feel we are enough because we're afraid someone won't love us. Or won't like us. And we can reframe it. So I'd like to give a shout out to my past guest Andrea Mayne-Dugmit

[00:06:11] because she's got great books on this name, claim and reframe and she's got a workbook to go with it. I'll have it shown us in case you want to check it out. Jamie says we can look at rejection as a kind of redirection.

[00:06:28] It's simply pointing us in the way of something better. We can also be grateful for the rejection or failure because we can kind of trust that it's happening for me and not to me. And we can be grateful because I know it's helping me build the resilience

[00:06:49] that muscle and the strength to carry the weight of my future successes when they happen. I'd like to end this episode with the following passage. When you have a vision on your heart, not everyone is going to get it.

[00:07:10] Not even the experts, not even the people you respect and oftentimes especially not even your friends and family because their higher power didn't give the vision to them. They gave it to you. So don't be surprised if you feel misunderstood or underestimated

[00:07:32] or if others aren't as excited for your dream or vision as you are. It didn't give it to them. It came to you. You are a steward of it. You're a steward of your own potential. You are a steward of your hopes and dreams.

[00:07:52] Don't take it personally or like some indication of its worth when someone doesn't validate your vision or appreciate it or believe in it or think it will be successful. Only you know what you know. Only you see what you see. Only you feel what you feel.

[00:08:15] Only you've been given the divine download and now you are a steward of what to do with it. Of how persistently you get back up every time you get knocked down. You are the steward. You are the owner. It's all in you and it's all up to you.

[00:08:37] Thank you for listening today. We sure hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, please leave a comment wherever you listen to your podcasts. Tell a friend about us. Join our public Facebook group, Girl Take the Lead, or visit our website, girltaketheleadod.com.

[00:09:02] We also have a YouTube channel where your subscription would be appreciated once you're on YouTube search at Girl Take the Lead. And we've recently expanded to YouTube music where you can see a video on this episode. Here are three takeaways. One, there's a real difference

[00:09:22] between self-confidence and self-worth. One way to look at it is that self-worth is the foundation that the self-confidence house is built upon. Two, we can live out and experience every great thing in the world and feel unfulfilled the entire time because our deep sense of self-worth

[00:09:45] has to beiletative cracks in the foundation. And three, when we have a vision on our heart, not everyone is going to get it. Our next episode will continue our conversation about self-worth with our featured guest Ann Shoemaker. Ann is a career advisor, strategist,

[00:10:07] and coach for executive and aspiring executive women. And boy, will we align about change, finding and listening to our intuition and control. Such a good conversation. And by the way, this sound bite only covered the first couple chapters of the book worthy. Can you believe it?

[00:10:32] I'm sure we'll be revisiting this book in the future. I love what she says about positive toxicity. Well, please join us again and talk to you soon. Bye.