175. Do Things Differently: Alicia Berberich on Transforming Lives Through Self-Care, Manifesting, and Gratitude

[00:00:00] Welcome to Episode 175 of Girl, Take the Lead, where each week we explore womanhood and leadership. And I'm your host, Yolanda Canny. Alicia Berberich, Gen X Motivation and Manifesting Coach joins us to talk about how women can care for themselves and be more brilliant.

[00:00:28] Alicia says this, too often brilliant women feel stuck and don't see the possibilities life has available for them. She's passionate about helping women unleash their true potential to become who they are meant to become. Sounds like our mission for the podcast, right? Oh yeah.

[00:00:49] Alicia shares many of her insights about how to do this in the episode and the topics we covered included how her favorite motto, if you want things to be different, do things differently, and how that impacts our lives. What holds women back from their dreams?

[00:01:13] What are ways women can care for themselves? And what tools help women identify their destiny? Enjoy the listen, and here you go. Alicia, welcome to Girl, Take the Lead. I think we're going to have a great conversation

[00:01:31] today and thank you for being here. So excited to be here with you. Thank you. And why don't we start? Would you introduce yourself to the listeners? Yes, my name is Alicia Berberich and I'm in Sonoma, California, and I work with women to

[00:01:47] help them understand what direction they want to go forward in when they're going through a transition. So particularly when women are entering the empty nest phase and are trying

[00:01:58] to figure out what to do next and just they haven't had a plan for that stage in life. So I really help women to get grounded in their fundamentals. And maybe to me talk a little

[00:02:08] bit about your background and what brought you to this. I'm a coach and I've been working with women since 2012 and I see how they get stuck in this transition phase, especially like

[00:02:21] strong dynamic women who've always had a plan and are ready for action. And then all of a sudden their kids leave and then they realize they didn't have a plan for this part of their life.

[00:02:29] And it's like the rug is pulled out from under them and they don't know what to do with themselves. So I think my philosophy is you just you really need to get grounded with your fundamentals,

[00:02:39] your core values, your strengths and connect with your future self and figure out what direction you want to go in. So I help them with that. So just like uncovering who they were before

[00:02:51] and seeing all the strengths that they've been able to amass during this 20 year time or more when while they were raising their kids because this is such a vibrant time of women's lives

[00:03:01] when you know they've gone through this whole child birthing phase or whatever it is. And now they have the opportunity to really create themselves for what they want to and really connect with their core and live to their potential. So I like to shepherd them along

[00:03:16] the path. I know that that kind of service is really valuable to people and helping them along. And and I love your motto, if you want things to be different, do things differently. Yeah. So how

[00:03:30] has that impacted you and also some of the clients you have? Yeah, I really am drawn to that motto. The reason is a lot of times we forget that we have agency over our destiny, agency over what

[00:03:44] we want to do. And we talk about what we want. But the real trick in getting what you want is in giving what it is that you want. And it's in the giving that you get the receiving back and

[00:03:55] the power and the agency. So I really, really want women to understand the power of receiving in the giving. I mean, women are used to giving all the time, but they're not used to receiving

[00:04:07] it back. And if they want their life to be differently, then they have to do things differently and be able to receive things and to nourish their heart and soul. So and a lot of

[00:04:18] times we think, oh, I wish this was different and understanding that you have the agency to do that. You can take the step forward and make it different. So yeah, well, I was thinking of your

[00:04:29] motto today just how, you know, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. But you kind of take it to the next step, which is no,

[00:04:44] you can't keep doing the same thing over and over again. Right? And you have to do it differently. Yeah. Shake it up maybe. And it also sounds like you are coaching your clients to think about

[00:04:58] themselves differently. Yes. With a new identity kind of. Because most of my clients before I'll tell you, I went this all really got kicked off. I was at a networking event and I met this woman who

[00:05:12] was frankly older than I am by several years and she introduced herself as a single mom. And I thought, that's interesting. And so I asked her, you know, like how old are your kids? And she said, well,

[00:05:23] my son is 43. I'm like, oh gosh, she's 43. Her son is 43. And she hasn't created a new identity for herself outside of mom. Like this, this is a problem. And so I really want women,

[00:05:36] like once you've become, you've been mom for so long and all of a sudden, I mean, it's not that you're not always a mom, but you need to have a new sense of yourself in the

[00:05:45] world and how you move through the world because you're so much more than that. So that's really motivated me to help women to understand that of course, you're always a mom and so much more.

[00:05:57] Yeah. Well, I think also too, you can apply that to a lot of things, you know, like leaving the corporate environment and becoming an entrepreneur or, you know, looking at yourself differently. Right? I know that I was in the corporate environment

[00:06:18] for about 42 years. And when I left, I went, whoa, what am I going to do? And so I kind of just went down this path of engaging in things that I thought I wanted to shore up and learn about. And one of

[00:06:37] them was personal branding because I had been a marketer for so many years. And then as I got into that, I went, okay, I'm a podcaster. All right. And now I'm thinking, you know, I keep evolving.

[00:06:51] I think what you're what you're helping us do, right is evolve into these new identities of ourselves because what do you think keeps people stuck? It's because they get stuck in their mind of where they are. And one other thing that just

[00:07:09] I'm running this 31 day challenge with my readership in July. And it's a mindset challenge. And the second day I sent, no, actually, the first day I sent out, it's like, write back and tell me your

[00:07:21] three biggest achievements in your life. And you know, my mailing list is mostly women like us. And I talked to them afterwards. And they said, we just, I couldn't think of three achievements that I did. And these women are so accomplished, like, oh my God, you have done

[00:07:41] so many things. Let me remind you, but they couldn't even pull up their accomplishments of what they did. And then other women said, well, I just don't like to talk about that. I'm like, honey,

[00:07:51] if you're not going to toot your horn, like, I'll do it for you, but you need to be able to toot your own horn. I'm you, these women are all so amazing and have accomplished so much.

[00:08:00] And and still they have the you probably saw it a lot in the corporate world. Like, women don't apply for jobs unless, you know, they know they can check off that they can do almost 100% of everything. And men are like, I can do it if they can only

[00:08:13] do half of it. Like we're holding ourselves back when we really need to, you know, let go of the past and reach to the new, your new place, you know, step into the

[00:08:24] unknown and grow to meet that, that level. Yeah. So it's kind of that when we're stuck, then it kind of sounds like it's fear or it might be, you're not thinking that the future is going to be better for you, that you're kind of thinking

[00:08:41] that where I'm stuck, when you get comfortable is comfortable. Yeah. Yeah. And a lot of the things like imposter syndrome is something that I work with a lot and people pleasing issues and fear, of course, is a big one really, you know, fear of the unknown fear,

[00:09:01] like even fear of success comes up. Like how is my life going to change if this happens? Will I be able to handle it? Yeah. Yeah. It comes up in all sorts of ways. And sometimes it just

[00:09:12] sort of unfolds. I mean, I kind of feel like, you know, I started podcasting and then I wanted to have a business store associated with the podcasting. So I kind of been doing entrepreneurship in that

[00:09:30] area. And now it's evolved because I want to put together a scholarship for students who are first gen. And so it's like I'm becoming more of a philanthropist. It's like, it's like it opens up

[00:09:48] to all it kind of just sort of flows and you talk about flow. You asked me, well, tell let's tell our listeners a little bit about how you coach your clients about connecting to a time where they were in the flow for energy management.

[00:10:08] Yeah. It's a really big tool that I use because, you know, when you get stuck, I like women to have in their toolkit to really connect with the time when you felt like you were

[00:10:19] really on top of your game and you felt the energy like for me, I was speaking to a room of 250 women and leading this networking exercise. And it was, I just was so excited to be there

[00:10:32] and to talk to them and the energy that I felt. I mean, and so I tap into that energy every morning when I'm lying in bed, I visualize standing there at the podium and talking to the

[00:10:42] women. And then I draw that energy in through my feet and fill my whole body with that energy. So I start the day like my baseline for the day is that peak, like that peak becomes my baseline

[00:10:55] so that everything that I deal with comes to me at that level as opposed to, you know, like when you're scraping and trying to get things through like that, that's gone. Like

[00:11:04] I have this new baseline and I train my clients to have that time and to connect with that time and pull it in whenever they need strength or, you know, some extra shawad of Eve or something

[00:11:15] that really to capture that time and have it at your fingertips to pull in whatever you need it. Yeah, I know when you breathed, when we brought that up in our planning conversation,

[00:11:25] I was, I was blank. Like I went, I think I told you, I said, I can't think of anything. I can't think of a time when I was not, you know, like, like on top of my game or feeling the flow

[00:11:39] or whatever it was. And I've had a lot of time to think about it since you and I spoke. And I came up with some more opportunities sometimes in life. And yeah, because I'm sure

[00:11:52] you're very amazing. I'm sure you've had times, but I think what you're helping us see is we're not always connected to that. We don't, to your essence, yeah, we're moving all the time, like you

[00:12:05] said, and we're not present. We're just not connected to that energy that we have inside us. Right? Right. Exactly. And that changes everything when you can connect with that energy and being

[00:12:19] able to pull it in whenever you need it. I think I've never myself been to a Tony Robbins event, but I hear that he really talks about it like calling it to a state, pull him in your state.

[00:12:31] And for me, it's like the energy management, like you have this power within you and you just need to harness it. Yeah. So just by bringing it from like your subconscious level to your conscious

[00:12:43] level from the unseen to the scene, then it becomes a tool that you can use. Yeah. Yeah. You know, our theme for the month is self care. And so I wonder, do you have some ideas on how

[00:12:57] women can care for themselves? Sounds like the energy is one thing, like being in touch with our energy and being connected to that. But are there other things that you might see there?

[00:13:09] Well, one of the really pivotal things for women is that we don't ask for what we need. And a lot of times what we need is not even conscious on our conscious level, because we're

[00:13:20] not thinking about it. We're in service of other people. We're giving, we're trying to be helpful. We're trying to make sure everyone else is taken care of, but we don't recognize our own needs.

[00:13:31] So one of the biggest ways of taking care of yourself is to be able to identify your own needs and ask for what you want, ask for what you need and not wait to be recognized by someone else.

[00:13:43] Like the thing is, I have found 65 years other people, they are lousy at mind reading. Like if they're not getting what I need, they don't know. And so by helping them, it helps them to

[00:13:57] know what you need and what you want. And you have to make it, I mean, you have to make it really clear like black and white because they're not good at guessing, but by harnessing the power of understanding your own needs and then being able to verbalize them

[00:14:12] and ask for them is a game changer when it comes to self-care. Yeah. Are there some tools or exercises that you suggest to help women with that? Yes, so some of the tools I use that are really pivotal in being able to connect with yourself

[00:14:29] is meditation, mindfulness meditation and just being able to take a few minutes every morning or evening just to sit down and quiet your mind and focus on breathing so that you can get

[00:14:40] in touch with that. And I talk to a lot of people and they say, oh, I can't meditate, I can't sit still. But you don't have to make it something so big in your mind that it becomes

[00:14:49] overwhelming even if you just sat and focused on your breathing for one minute in the morning. And then over time, you can increase it bit by bit. But just that little change is letting

[00:15:00] your body know like, okay, she's taking care of me. I'm going to relax right now. I'm just going to breathe and focus on myself and just, you know, it sends your body a message

[00:15:10] so that your body can hear that. So that meditation is number one. Number two is also journaling because when you start writing, things come up that you're not even conscious of. The journaling makes such a difference in really getting to like deeper levels of

[00:15:28] your subconscious, especially when you, you know, it becomes a practice and it starts coming out and you set yourself a goal like, okay, every day I'm going to write a full page so that

[00:15:36] you don't just stop on one or two sentences where it's surface level stuff but go deeper. And that there's Julia Cameron who had the concept of three pages so that every day you would have

[00:15:47] to write three pages so that you could really get to some deeper levels. And that's another thing. And then I really like to focus on gratitude. And everyone, I mean, so many people talk gratitude is like everywhere these days. And, you know, you have to say it in

[00:16:05] the present tense. I'm so grateful for this beautiful day. So grateful for my friends and family, but it's more than that. So I want to make two additional points to really push your reader, put your, push your listeners or watchers on gratitude. First of all, of course you

[00:16:20] say it in present tense, like you've already achieved what it is you want. And then you tie it into an emotion so that you have that emotional connection with the feeling of gratitude. So like, I'm so grateful that my children are home and we have this great holiday

[00:16:35] because I love spending time with them and they I feel so good when I'm with my kids so that you can really feel that connection. So it really enters you on an emotional level. So that's the

[00:16:46] first thing adding the because statement the emotional aspect besides the I am and then here's the big here's the big kicker with gratitude. You can be grateful for something that hasn't happened yet. And actually this is the gratitude that you really want to harness. So

[00:17:01] say your goal is, you know, to have a better relationship with your husband. And so you think, okay, I'm so grateful that my husband and I are connecting on this deep level because now we

[00:17:12] really have this soul connection. It's something that I've learned for my whole life. And maybe you haven't haven't achieved that level yet, but you're being you're thankful for it. So then your mind doesn't because what happens is you get this fear comes in because you're exiting

[00:17:30] your comfort zone and you're entering into this unknown zone. And your mind is trying to keep you safe. That internal critic is trying to keep you safe. And so whenever you go into an unknown

[00:17:43] zone, it's going to act up and say no, that's never going to happen, blah, blah, blah. But the thing is, if you take what you want in the future and bring it into the present, then your

[00:17:51] mind is comfortable with it. So it doesn't have that scary element. So when it gets close to you, it says, oh yeah, we've been talking about this for a long time. This is like no big deal.

[00:18:00] Yeah. That is so good. I mean, all of your points are so consistent and aligned with I think what our listeners have been hearing on our podcast and good. Yeah, totally, especially the emotional connection that you're talking about makes such a difference. It does. It does. And I

[00:18:22] love your thoughts about gratitude. And I'm a big journaler. I mean, I write all the time. I'm an automatic writer, you know, and just go, just let it flow. And you can push yourself by doing

[00:18:36] something like maybe you can try something like this is what this is like what you your usual thoughts are whatever they could be. You could say, well, what would be a counterintuitive

[00:18:44] thought on this and try to look at whatever you're doing it from a different angle. And the other one I throw in is, okay, this is my intuitive. This is my intuitive thought. Here's

[00:18:53] my counterintuitive thought. Well, if I was being really wild, what would I what would I do then? So just like to kind of shake it up and get outside of your regular box and think of some

[00:19:03] new and different things or how you can look at things differently because you're you're just journaling about it. So it's like, it's creative, right? Yeah, I always kind of look

[00:19:12] at my journaling and my journal as kind of my best friend, you know, like I'm talking to my best friend, which is me. And, you know, especially touching, you know, sometimes it's my little girl that has

[00:19:25] gotten hurt or she needs a hug or whatever it is, you know, it gives me a chance to connect. And sometimes you just want to run and hide behind the school building and smoke cigarettes or something. You want to do something a little naughty together.

[00:19:41] Exactly. One thing I know that's you're passionate about is helping women find their destiny. And I think I mentioned to you that I often hear from Gen Z years and millennials like, I don't know how to find my purpose. Like, I know I'm supposed to have a purpose,

[00:20:01] but like, how do you find it? And how do you know if it's your purpose? And what are your thoughts on that? Well, I use the process of manifesting with my clients to really

[00:20:12] understand. So we start out by getting really grounded in what their core values are so that they really have a good understanding. And that helps with all the decision making when you know what your core values are. Like for instance, mine are curiosity, connection, and

[00:20:30] lifelong learning. Those things are really pivotal to who I am. And then once you know your core values, I work with them on uncovering hidden strengths. You know, you can take that via Strength Finder,

[00:20:41] which is an excellent tool, which gives you your strengths, but you're so much more than those. Those are like cookie cutter strengths. So I have my clients talk about stories where they feel like they've really achieved something and done something big. And then

[00:20:53] from there, you can really tease out their particular strengths because the problem is when we have a strength, we take it for granted because it's easy for us when really that's something that is their superpower. So and it really comes out when they tell me these stories,

[00:21:10] I can, it becomes really clear. So and so once we have their core values and their strengths uncovered, then we do a visualization where they can really connect with their future self

[00:21:21] and have their future self, you know, talk to them about what it is they want to achieve and what they need to look for and things like that, but really connecting with your future self.

[00:21:30] And then from there we write their goals. And so from looking at like ahead and always connecting with your future self and your core values to make your decisions along the path. But then we use manifesting to really bring it to fruition. And that is,

[00:21:47] so you have this very clear vision that you got from connecting with your future self. So you have the clear vision and then you have your energy management, the tool I talked about

[00:21:57] drawing in your energy each day to move you forward. And then we work a lot on saboteurs, like what are your saboteurs, what's really holding you back, your inner critic, that's where we work on the imposter syndrome or people pleasing or something like that. So just so

[00:22:12] that they understand and can recognize it because awareness of these saboteurs is the critical element because once you're aware of it, you can deal with it. But the problem is have these negative tapes that run in your brain all day and they take you down, but you're just

[00:22:27] not even aware of it as something you can control and change. You have the power to change it. I'm looking too at where those those originated, you know, like it's something in the tapes of my history and my past that probably wasn't even me.

[00:22:46] Right. And this is something I found that a lot of people don't know. But if you witness something happening with other people, even it could be on a movie or something, but if you get an emotional connection with it, then you internalize it and whatever was going on,

[00:23:01] like if they're fighting and whatever, then you will internalize that. So it becomes like a limiting belief for you, even though it wasn't about you and had nothing to do with you, all of a sudden it harnesses you and you lose control over that. And then

[00:23:16] years later you're wondering, where does this even come from? Because you don't even remember this fight that you saw or whatever was going on. So it's really good to focus on that to really try

[00:23:26] to clear out those limiting beliefs and that working with the coach or therapist or whatever, that is really helpful in that area. Yeah. So anyway, healing those saboteurs and then the critical part, which they didn't really talk about in a secret, which anyway, we won't go

[00:23:43] into that. But anyway, it's really to take inspired actions because the more you can take inspired actions, then you feel the connection with what it is you want and your purpose and it

[00:23:52] feeds you. And you know, it's not your purpose. It's not your calling if it's, if you don't get that sense of fulfillment when you're doing it. So it's doing the actions really feed you

[00:24:03] and nourish you along the way. And it's not always easy. Like some people say, well, it's such hard work. And you know, your purpose doesn't need to be, it's not, it's something that's easy, but it brings you joy and fulfillment along the way. So really looking at that.

[00:24:17] I think sometimes too, it takes courage. Yeah. To just go into someplace, be vulnerable, be a little uncomfortable. And then sometimes I'm amazed by the results. Like, I'm like, oh, I had no idea that this would happen. But I'm so glad it did. And you know, that that

[00:24:40] there's like this energy kind of taking care of me and holding me. It was so big going from 42 years in the corporate world to a podcaster and philanthropist. I mean, these are huge steps that you're taking. So it's, you know, it's amazing. It feels natural though. It's

[00:25:01] funny. You know, like when I was, you were talking about the flow and kind of just moving to the next thing and to the next thing. And yeah. Yeah, it is truly. Because even just

[00:25:17] you sitting there, you have a light that comes out from you, you're radiating joy. So you can see that you're really, you really love it. It comes, it's flows, it's visible to everybody who you're working with or listening to.

[00:25:30] Well, I had an experience. When I first retired, I started teaching at San Jose State and I taught marketing a couple of times consumer behavior. And I saw things in the classroom that these students were working two or three jobs. They couldn't afford to buy their book,

[00:25:57] you know, and they're trying to get through my class by with no book, you know, because they couldn't afford it. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I was, I had a guest who was on and she kind

[00:26:11] of challenged us to think about our philanthropic strategy. And I went back to that experience that I saw of these students working so friggin hard to be in the, in the seat. And then

[00:26:29] just not having the money to buy a book. And I went, okay, we're going to do something about that. And so I met with the department with the development director and then I met with the

[00:26:41] dean of business school. And then all of a sudden I'm like, okay, we're doing a book scholarship for first generation. And it was like, how can it be this easy? It's like, just when it went some, sometimes you're just in that flow that you're talking about.

[00:27:01] Right. It's like it's meant to be. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And, and when you see it, like this is such an obvious, easy solution. And other people are not even looking and they're they don't consider anything. So just being that awareness factor makes such a difference.

[00:27:18] Like, yeah, isn't there something we can do about this? Because it's, I think that's the thing that differentiates us from being stuck and then taking some action. Because I had to be quite willing to say, well, maybe they'll say it's a dumb idea and we're not interested

[00:27:38] and let it go. And maybe I could do something else. But you kind of have to go and be that vulnerable person in the moment, see where it takes you, keep open, keep moving. And who knows? Maybe we start a bigger trend at the college to help these

[00:28:03] students who really want to be there. Yeah, makes such a difference just seeing where there's a need where you could make a huge difference. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I know we've, we've talked a lot about how to help women and I'm just wondering at this point,

[00:28:23] what would you tell your 20 something self? What would I tell my 20 something self? I would tell my 20 something self to believe in myself and to believe that at heart I know the right thing

[00:28:40] and not to be doubting myself all the time, to really stay connected with who I am at the core. Yeah, that's wonderful because we do get bounced around quite a bit. Yeah. And we, you know,

[00:28:54] we listen to other people's advice and other people don't really know what's super important for us and not to lose that really endearing connection to yourself. Well, Alicia, you sound like such a great coach and I know our listeners are going to want to

[00:29:10] learn a little bit more about how to reach you and how to be in touch. Can you tell them a little bit about how they can do that? Oh, sure. I'm on Instagram at alisha underscore

[00:29:21] berberich and you can, I have a link in my bio there. You can sign up or I have my website is at alishaberberich.com and you can sign up to get my newsletter. I send a newsletter out every

[00:29:32] week and I have a Facebook group called Springboard to your next chapter if you're interested in that. And right now it's July, I'm doing it as I said a 30 day chat, 31 day challenge for a mindset.

[00:29:48] So if you can hop in on Facebook or through Instagram and then you can just jump into the challenge. So it's really fun. Very cool. Very cool. Is there anything else you'd like to tell

[00:29:59] our listeners before we end our episode? Really what I said for the 20 year old self, to believe in yourself and stay connected. And the journey is really worth the effort. Don't expect it

[00:30:11] always to be easy but stay connected to yourself and believe in yourself. That's a great place to end today. Thank you so much for joining us and sharing your wisdom and your insights and

[00:30:26] helping our listeners have a good day. I feel like the energy, like I feel great. Oh good, good. You're doing such a wonderful service with this podcast. It's really amazing. I love listening to it. Thanks. Okay everybody we'll be back to you. Bye.

[00:30:44] Thank you for listening today and we sure hope you enjoyed this episode and if you did please leave a comment wherever you listen to your podcasts, tell a friend about us, join our public Facebook group, Girl Take the Lead or visit our website, girltaketheleadpod.com.

[00:31:02] We also have a YouTube channel where your subscription would be appreciated once you're on YouTube search at girl take the lead. And we've recently gone on YouTube music where you can find a video of this episode. Here are three takeaways. One, transitions can be

[00:31:23] difficult and sometimes if we go to do things differently we forget we have agency to take the step forward. The key is that we're used to giving but not receiving and it is in the receiving

[00:31:40] we get our power and agency back. Two, tools like mindfulness meditation, journaling and practicing gratitude can help us deal with the intense feelings that can be holding us back. Three, one of the best ways to identify our destiny or future self is through energy

[00:32:07] management which brings forward the energy we experienced when we were in the flow to carry us through to the present. Our next episodes will continue to be about self-care and we'll have some great guests and books we can reference to help us with the conversation.

[00:32:27] I'm thinking we could all be using a little more self-love and care these days. How about you? Please join us again. Thank you for being here and talk to you soon. Bye!