What makes a hard conversation so hard?
Sometimes it’s what we need to say. Sometimes it’s what we’re afraid we’ll hear. And sometimes it’s the story we’ve already told ourselves about what will happen if we speak honestly.
In this episode of Girl, Take the Lead!, I’m joined by Kerry Siggins, CEO of StoneAge and author of Talk with Trust: How to Own Feedback, Spark Growth, and Build Stronger Teams.
And we begin the conversation a little differently—with three deep breaths.
It’s a practice Kerry uses with her own team to help people become more present before stepping into the work ahead. And it turns out to be a fitting way to begin a conversation about feedback, trust, emotional reactions, and the courage it takes to say what needs to be said.
Kerry shares her SHARES model for approaching difficult conversations with greater clarity, curiosity, and intention. We explore why trust is at the heart of meaningful feedback, why being direct and being kind aren’t opposites, and why we’re responsible for how we show up in a conversation—but not for controlling the other person’s response.
We also talk about what happens when we’re on the receiving end of feedback.
Kerry shares a painful experience when someone close to her told her she was “erratic” and difficult to work for. Her first reaction was anger. She wanted to defend herself. Instead, she gave herself time and eventually asked a powerful question:
What can I own in this feedback?
That question helped her separate the way the feedback was delivered from what might still be useful for her to hear.
I share a difficult feedback experience from my own corporate career, and together Kerry and I look at what might have changed if curiosity had been part of that conversation.
Throughout our discussion, we return to the power of the pause—giving ourselves space when we’re triggered rather than immediately defending, explaining, or reacting. Kerry challenges us to consider:
Am I trying to be right—or accurate?
Right—or curious?
Right—or influential?
Because hard conversations aren’t just workplace conversations. These skills matter with our partners, our children, our friends, our neighbors—and anyone with whom we want to build trust.
In this episode, we explore:
- Why trust is at the heart of giving and receiving feedback
- Kerry’s SHARES framework for hard conversations
- Why clarity and kindness belong together
- The difference between describing behavior and judging someone personally
- What defensiveness may be trying to protect
- Why curiosity can change the direction of a difficult conversation
- How taking a pause can help us respond rather than react
- What we are—and aren’t—responsible for in another person’s reaction
- The often-overlooked consequences of not having the conversation
- Why feedback can still contain something useful even when it isn’t delivered well
About Kerry Siggins
In 2023, Kerry was named an EY Entrepreneur Of The Year and Colorado CEO of the Year. She is a speaker, podcast host, and contributor to Forbes and Entrepreneur. She is the author of The Ownership Mindset: A Handbook for Transforming Your Life and Leadership and Talk with Trust: How to Own Feedback, Spark Growth, and Build Stronger Teams.
Connect with Kerry
Website: kerrysiggins.comLinkedIn: Kerry SigginsYouTube: Kerry SigginsPodcast: The Kerry Siggins PodcastBooks: The Ownership Mindset and Talk with Trust
Connect with Girl, Take the Lead!
Website: girltaketheleadpod.comYouTube: Girl, Take the Lead!LinkedIn: Yolanda “Yo” CannyInstagram: @girltaketheleadpodFacebook: Girl, Take the Lead!Pinterest: Girl, Take the Lead!
Listen to Girl, Take the Lead! wherever you enjoy podcasts.
A question to consider
Is there a conversation you’ve been avoiding—and what might be the cost of not having it?