236. Lead Yourself First: Emotional Mastery and the Power of Reflection

Valarie Sandjivy, GenX, is an adaptive leadership mentor and business coach with over 20 years of experience. She is an engineer, master degree recipient, and business coach with over 20 years of corporate experience.

As the founder of Ellipus, she helps executives, C-suite leaders, and entrepreneurs lead with greater emotional intelligence, adaptability, and innovation.

Her coaching approach is built on four key pillars: leading self, leading others, emotional mastery, and soul care. Valarie's deep expertise in corporate structures, combined with personal transformation practices, enables her clients to break through limitations and achieve lasting, sustainable growth.

Here are the topics we covered:

0:00 Introduction

2:02 Leading Ourselves

4:55 Emotional Mastery 

19:25 Gratitude & Forgiveness

20:25 Challenges 

23:56 Energies

26:10 The 4 Pillars

27:25 Harmony vs Balance

32:07 Vulnerability

35:13 Self-Care

43:30 20-Something Self Advice

Memorable Quotes

“How do we lead ourselves with deep insecurity within and still moving ahead?”

“Not reacting means I can give a response – doesn’t mean I don’t have the emotion.”

“Emotions go very fast – just give it a moment and I’ll get back to you.”

”Ok, this experience I had with this person today was to show me that, then I’m getting the understanding of why they are showing me that, then I can process it.”

“Do you know why being grateful and forgiveness work so well? It’s because there is only one of us and we’re all connected.”

“We don’t forgive for the other one – you do it for you.”

“How can you lead and still manage the changes, pressure and uncertainty? We need to understand that like the seasons, change is a cycle. Uncertainty is being in the world of constant adaptation.”

“The masculine energy is the structure and the feminine energy is the flow. We need to have both.”

“The foundation of leadership is 4 pillars: lead yourself, lead others, emotional mastery, and self-care.”

“Vulnerability means bringing back the humanness which is part of us.”

“Everybody can lead themselves.”

Here are the 3 Takeaways:

• Leading ourselves is very helpful when we are faced with new opportunities. Key is not listening to anybody who says “You’re going to fail!” Emotional mastery is about our ability to keep going even when triggered and strong emotions are coming up. There are actions we can take: stop the conversation, don’t engage with the emotions (doesn’t mean it’s not happening or stuffing the emotion down). You can park the emotion and come back to it.
  
• The emotions that come up (shame, anger, etc.) and the story we tell ourselves go together. We need to process the story we have (i.e. “not good enough”…) so the emotions don’t build on each other and become bigger. There are layers to process the emotions and taking full responsibility for our emotions. One way to do this is with reflection: “What happened today in my interactions with others?” “What was the trigger?” “Where is the root of that?”
  
• Because we are all connected so when forgiving someone, we’re forgiving ourselves, and forgiving the whole. If we understand that, processing can go faster. And gratitude is the same. 

Offer Mentioned:

Free leadership quiz, free activation

https://www.ellips.us.com/offers

Ways to contact with Valarie:

Website: https://www.ellips.us.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/valeriesandjivy/

https://www.facebook.com/valarie.sandjivy

https://www.instagram.com/valarie_sandjivy/

Podcast: In Between Higher Self Leadership

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/higher-self-leadership-in-between/id1801744962

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