215. Exploring Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory as a Way to Live with Love & Intentionality

[00:00:06] Welcome to episode 215, which is a Girl Take the Lead soundbite, which is a shorter episode that may be a bit more about a topic we've covered or quick inspiration like our episode today. And I'm your host, Yolanda Canny. This episode celebrates our third year of podcasting. Many thanks to all of you for listening in and supporting us.

[00:00:36] It started as a way to learn about personal branding and it's turned into a second career filled with lots of learning for me and I hope for you as well. Of our 215 episodes, we've had 116 guests and discussed 118 books because I like saving you the time so that you don't have to read them and grab all the insights.

[00:01:03] I can do that for you. And it's kind of like our book today. The Let Them Theory by bestselling author, Mel Robbins. You may know Mel from her podcast, which reaches listeners in 194 countries. She also runs a media company, 143 Studios, where she produces award winning content.

[00:01:30] Her point of difference is her ability to simplify complex topics into practical daily actions. She's got that blonde hair and black glasses, which is her signature look. I had pre-ordered the book the minute I heard about it, watching an interview with Oprah. I knew I just had to cover it for our podcast. So let's get into it. The Let Them Theory is a proven method that Mel states teaches us.

[00:02:00] She teaches how to protect our time and energy and focus on what really matters to us. She thinks we've spent too long chasing approval, managing other people's happiness and letting their opinions hold us back. Mel wants us to stop giving our power away and start creating a life where we come first, our dreams, goals and happiness.

[00:02:28] The theory even transforms the lives of those around us. It's about freedom. What I love about the book was its simplicity. The two words, let them. And what does that look like? She uses this example. Imagine you're at work and your colleague is in a bad mood. Never happened to me.

[00:02:56] Instead of letting their negativity affect you. Just say, let them. Let them be grumpy. It's not our problem. We can focus on our work and how we feel. The truth is other people hold no power over us unless we give it to them. Here's why Mel says it works.

[00:03:17] When we stop trying to control things that aren't ours to control, we stop wasting energy, reclaim our time and regain peace of mind and focus. We realize that our happiness is tied to our actions, not someone else's behavior, opinions or mood, no matter who they are. Doesn't that sound great? Oh yeah.

[00:03:48] Mel includes examples of where she started saying let them anytime she felt stressed, tense or frustrated. Inspired by her examples, I started my own list. Perhaps you'll do the same. So here's my list to help you get started. Let the next door neighbor's dog instigate a barking competition with my dog, Tino. Let the newly elected government do their thing.

[00:04:18] Let my mother be disappointed in me as a daughter. Let my husband expand his office into the family room. Let others judge our house as outdated. Let others judge me as too old, not thin enough and not pretty enough. Let others have the parking spot I thought was mine.

[00:04:46] Let others go ahead when they force their way ahead of me. And let the neighbor dislike us. Within a week, Mel can believe how different she felt. Try it. And I gotta say, I have felt different too.

[00:05:06] What I see is that we're creating space for others to show up as they are and not expecting the world to be on our terms. I love it when Mel says, we'll learn how we've been trying to control the wrong things and unknowingly made other people a problem. The truth is other people should be the one of the greatest sources of happiness, support and love in our lives.

[00:05:36] But they can't be if we keep trying to control what they feel, say and do. Mel's theory teaches us to live life on our terms. In program, we would say live and let live. My word for 2025 is non-resistance. And Mel mentions this. Buddhism and radical acceptance teach that suffering comes from resisting reality.

[00:06:04] The pain we feel often stems from wishing things were different than they are. The let them theory helps us not only accept reality, but also separate ourselves from the need to change it. She makes an important distinction. That it's not the same as letting it go. Because letting it go often feels unresolved. Like you're just walking away.

[00:06:32] When we say let them, we're not giving up or walking away. We're freeing ourselves. We're releasing the grip we have on how things should go and allowing them to unfold as they will. We're making an active, empowered choice to release control we never truly had.

[00:06:58] Anytime we internalize other people's thoughts, actions, and feelings as evidence that somehow we're a bad person or we've done something wrong, we just gave other people power. God, does that sound familiar? And the beauty of let them and let me is that it helps us master these practices.

[00:07:22] So we can stop being ruled by emotions and start living a more peaceful intentional life. And that sounds great. I had to sit with this distinction between let them and letting it go. When I talked with my husband about it, he mentioned that in letting go, it can sometimes come back.

[00:07:47] Where let them allows us to be present, create space, and let the other just be. Hmm, such a good point. I think it matters too how we say let them. If it's said with love and kindness versus some resentment sprinkled with a bit of anger sounding more like a should, that would seem to continue resisting reality.

[00:08:16] So checking ourselves with how we say it is important to know. It could help guide us to examine our beliefs and our feelings. And someone I think is excellent at breaking up those beliefs is Byron Katie. And I'll have more detail in the show notes about that. Let me tell you about the other part of the equation Mel brings forward. And it was mentioned earlier, you might've caught it.

[00:08:45] The let me side of things. Mel says that when we say let me, we're tapping into the power by taking responsibility for what we do, think or say next. Let me makes you realize that you are in control of what happens next. And that life is more fun and fulfilling when we're not sitting alone in our superiority.

[00:09:13] It gives us responsibility for what we do next and what we can control. Our attitude, behavior, values, needs, desires, and what we want to do in response to what has just happened. It's the opposite of judgment. It's about self-awareness, compassion, empowerment, and personal responsibility.

[00:09:40] Rather than superiority, which is where we can go with let them. It says no one is better than us. And we aren't better than them. In a recent interview with Katie Couric, Mel said that there are three let me things. You can ever control once we detach with let them. One, your thoughts and what you want to do next.

[00:10:10] Two, whether or not you want to respond and how you respond. And three, how to allow your emotions to rise and fall and what you do with them. So she says the crux of let them theory is let them and let me. As I read this, I was reminded of a couple things. One of the Beatles songs, let it be.

[00:10:40] And the words, which might be helpful as we navigate lots of change happening right now. Remember these words. And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree, there will be an answer. Let it be. For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see. There will be an answer. Let it be.

[00:11:07] And the other thing that comes to mind is a serenity prayer. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And wisdom to know the difference. Kind of like the song and the prayer. Mel also offers a way to live peacefully together. If you get the book, let me know what you think.

[00:11:37] I've only covered just some of the groundwork. There is so much more in this book that you might like. I think it'll be a great resource as we dip into more topics about stress, fearing other people's opinions, friendships. And whoa, she will rock your boat what she has to say about motivation. She thinks motivation is overrated.

[00:12:04] She argues that relying solely on motivation is ineffective because humans naturally avoid difficult or new tasks. She emphasizes the importance of taking decisive action despite discomfort, suggesting that true change occurs when we push ourselves to act even without feeling motivated. Definitely agree.

[00:12:32] There's a lot more to change. And we've spent the last three years exploring that. And I think we'll keep exploring that. I'd like to end today's episode with a reading from chapter 18. Let them show you who they are. They're important words for all of us. At the end of your life, what are the very last words you want someone to say to you?

[00:13:02] I love you. Love is the most powerful force in the world. You deserve to feel loved, be loved, fall in love, express love, and experience one of the greatest joys in life. Being in a loving relationship.

[00:13:24] Whether you're single, divorced, dating, engaged, in a situationship, or you've been married for a very long time, I believe the greatest love of your life is ahead of you. Even the best relationships can become more meaningful. And your connection to someone can always go deeper. If you're single, your love story is far from over.

[00:13:52] The love of your life is not in your past. They are waiting for you in the future. And everything that has happened and every relationship you've been in has prepared you for what is about to happen next. I just loved hearing about love. Don't you? And by the way, I had to look up situationship.

[00:14:19] And in case you didn't know this term either, it's a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established. Here's a sentence. I'm trying to turn this situationship into something more serious. Anyway, more, I can see that maybe this is going to be a topic for another episode.

[00:14:48] And with that, we'll wrap up this special episode celebrating girl take the leads third anniversary. Thank you for being part of this incredible journey. It's been an honor to learn, grow, and explore these topics with you. When I started this podcast, I didn't know where it would take me. And here we are, three years later, still going strong.

[00:15:15] Honestly, I'll keep doing this until I can't. Because sharing stories, insights, and a little inspiration with you is one of the greatest joys of my life. As Mel Robbins reminds us, love is the most powerful force in the world. So as we celebrate three years together, let's carry that love forward.

[00:15:42] Love for ourselves, love for others, and for the life we're creating together. Here's to the next episode. Until next time, lead with love. Talk to you soon. Bye. Bye. Thank you for listening today and we sure hope you enjoyed this episode.

[00:16:08] If you did, please leave a comment wherever you listen to your podcast. Tell a friend about us. Join our public Facebook group, Girl Take the Lead or visit our website, girltaketheleadpod.com. We also have a YouTube channel where your subscription would be appreciated. Once you're on YouTube, search at Girl Take the Lead. And we're on YouTube music where you can find a video of this episode and you can find a video on Spotify.

[00:16:35] Here are three takeaways from our episode today. One, there is power in the let them and let me theory. Three, this concept emphasizes releasing control over others actions, opinions, and emotions, allowing people to be themselves without letting their behavior impact your peace of mind.

[00:17:01] It promotes non-resistance and helps conserve energy for what truly matters. Two, there's a distinction between let them and let go. Unlike letting go, which can feel unresolved, let them is an active choice to release, resistance, and accept reality. It creates space for others to show up authentically.

[00:17:29] It's not about walking away, but choosing freedom from unnecessary emotional burdens. And three, there's life-changing simplicity by practicing let them. We stop wasting energy on things outside our control, reclaim our time, and prioritize our happiness.

[00:17:57] Our next episode will feature Lisa Marie Bloomfeld, an HR leader with over 25 years of experience across fast-growing startups and established corporations. She's the founder and CEO of Retain. And she brings a rare combination of hands-on expertise and empathy to her work.

[00:18:19] Boy, did we have a great conversation about generational stages of career and a little something about midlife crisis of career. She also shared her insights about different trends she sees that impact all of us. I love talking with her. So I'll talk to you soon. Bye!