150. Celebrating Adrienne: A Journey of Love and Loss

[00:00:00] Episode 150, which is a Girl, Take the Lead sound bite.

[00:00:18] In a sound bite, it's a shorter episode that may build on a previous topic or be a bit of

[00:00:23] inspiration.

[00:00:25] And this episode happens to be both.

[00:00:28] I'm your host, Yolanda Canny.

[00:00:31] In our previous episode, we talked with Andrea Wilson Woods about her Blue Fairy Foundation

[00:00:37] and the launch of the book she edited.

[00:00:40] I'd rather be dead than deaf.

[00:00:42] I thought you might like to hear some of the passages from that book to feel inspired

[00:00:48] during your day.

[00:00:49] I'll have all the information about the book and foundation in the show notes.

[00:00:56] Start thinking every cancer center should have a copy of both books Andrea put together for

[00:01:02] patients and caregivers to have during their journeys.

[00:01:08] Let's use our influence to help make this happen.

[00:01:13] In case you missed the previous episode, Andrea Wilson Woods was Adrienne's sister who became

[00:01:20] her parent and guardian when Adrienne was eight and she was 22.

[00:01:27] Adrienne called her sissy and died when she was only 15 due to liver cancer.

[00:01:33] We posted that episode on Monday, April 8, which would have been Adrienne's birthday.

[00:01:42] The book edited by Andrea is a compilation of Adrienne's journey as a teenager to cancer

[00:01:49] patient and contains numerous handwritten journals, online journal and emails all expressed

[00:01:57] as a funny bright soul musing on life relationships, music and love.

[00:02:05] She reminded me so much of my own daughters.

[00:02:09] She had me at her work.

[00:02:13] And if you're listening to this episode, I'm just checking out the video form of this podcast

[00:02:21] to see some of Adrienne's art or go to our Facebook group page to see a clip that has

[00:02:27] some of her artwork.

[00:02:29] I think you'll love seeing it.

[00:02:31] There will be a link to it in the show notes.

[00:02:35] What I'm recording today is just a very small sample of what you'll find in the

[00:02:40] book.

[00:02:42] Andrea says this in the intro.

[00:02:46] I've never loved anyone the way I loved and still love Adrienne deeply unconditionally.

[00:02:56] Raising her will always be the best thing I've ever done.

[00:03:00] Nothing else comes close.

[00:03:02] When Adrian was diagnosed with primary liver cancer on May 16, 2001, the world as

[00:03:09] we knew it evaporated into nothing, or rather dissolved into something new.

[00:03:16] Together with an army of family, friends, doctors and nurses, we spent 147 days battling

[00:03:23] the disease.

[00:03:24] We declared war on cancer like President Nixon did in 1971 with the same results.

[00:03:31] We never had a fighting chance.

[00:03:34] We lost because Adrienne is no longer with us.

[00:03:39] In case you wondered like I did about the title of the book, I'd rather be dead than

[00:03:44] deaf.

[00:03:45] Here's what Andrea had to say about that.

[00:03:48] Adrian never let cancer take away her spirit.

[00:03:54] Even when she had no strength left, she kept fighting and reading and writing and

[00:03:59] drawing.

[00:04:00] She also kept firm boundaries.

[00:04:04] Adrienne lost her mind when she realized that chemotherapy drug, cisplatin, could cause

[00:04:10] permanent hearing loss.

[00:04:12] She loved music and she was a budding musician.

[00:04:16] For her 15th birthday, one month before her diagnosis, she received a black fender

[00:04:21] jazz bass.

[00:04:23] She could not, would not lose her hearing telling the oncologist I'd rather be dead

[00:04:31] than deaf.

[00:04:32] When the first signs of hearing loss occurred, we honored her wishes and she never took that

[00:04:38] drug again.

[00:04:39] Here's some of her journal writings and ones I thought told you about who she was.

[00:04:47] To help orient you to the timing, Adrienne was diagnosed in May and died in October

[00:04:53] of 2001.

[00:04:55] So this is from her journal Thursday, March 15th, 2001.

[00:05:00] So that's eight months before she died and three months before being diagnosed.

[00:05:07] 7.51 pm.

[00:05:09] She writes, sorry to rip up Janessa's I love idea.

[00:05:14] And she says, I love music.

[00:05:18] I love dancing.

[00:05:20] I love sunshine that doesn't make me too warm.

[00:05:23] I love the rain.

[00:05:25] I love jumping into puddles.

[00:05:28] I love drawing on my arms.

[00:05:31] I love Eli.

[00:05:33] I love Perry Farrell.

[00:05:35] I love glitter.

[00:05:36] I love big headphones.

[00:05:39] I love my blue hair.

[00:05:41] I love hairless arms.

[00:05:44] I love the shape of a female back.

[00:05:48] I love fashion photography.

[00:05:50] I love bus drivers.

[00:05:52] I love fast computers.

[00:05:55] I love doing high kicks.

[00:05:58] That's all for now.

[00:05:59] Gotta go talk to Sadie.

[00:06:04] Saturday, March 21, 2001.

[00:06:08] 429 pm.

[00:06:12] Activities I have planned for tomorrow if Shay comes over.

[00:06:18] Make lemonade.

[00:06:19] Share life stories.

[00:06:22] Fish dance.

[00:06:24] I love to sleep on my bed.

[00:06:27] Complain about how models are too skinny.

[00:06:31] Makeup stupid words.

[00:06:33] Do each other's or makeup.

[00:06:36] Giggle.

[00:06:38] Listen to music.

[00:06:40] Play with Ziola the hamster.

[00:06:44] Fun, fun, fun.

[00:06:48] Saturday, March 31, 2001.

[00:06:54] Sometimes it rains inside my head.

[00:06:58] And all the words run dry.

[00:07:01] All the breathing hands are reaching up to clutch my thigh.

[00:07:07] No, they don't have to take you away.

[00:07:10] Sometimes it's bright inside my head,

[00:07:14] inside the back of my eyes.

[00:07:17] And all the breathing walls are speaking of

[00:07:22] something, something, something.

[00:07:26] Giggles.

[00:07:28] I want to be the lead singer of medicine.

[00:07:34] Friday, April 27, 2001.

[00:07:38] 119 pm.

[00:07:41] You're blue.

[00:07:43] The most soothing shade of the spectrum.

[00:07:46] The color of a clear summer sky or a deep reflective ocean.

[00:07:52] Blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude and loyalty.

[00:07:58] Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending time on your

[00:08:04] own.

[00:08:06] You'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of

[00:08:10] slight acquaintances.

[00:08:12] Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard since people are

[00:08:17] naturally attracted to you.

[00:08:20] They're sued by your calming presence.

[00:08:24] Cool and collected.

[00:08:26] You rarely overreact.

[00:08:29] Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision.

[00:08:34] That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue.

[00:08:41] That's not the only you.

[00:08:46] Saturday, May 19th.

[00:08:50] And this is from Adrian's handwritten journal,

[00:08:52] While in the hospital.

[00:08:56] Ake, pain, stab, throb, thrust,

[00:09:00] clust, clenched here, crumble, rebuild, rediscover,

[00:09:06] light, purple, blue, green, raw, finger, numbers,

[00:09:14] 01136-01044, dull, hallucinating, silver, amber, cotton mouth,

[00:09:25] voices, inspiration, aura of building white,

[00:09:31] priestess, support, blind faith, acceptance at last, ovarian

[00:09:38] cancer, liver cancer, cancer?

[00:09:42] It's okay.

[00:09:44] Everything's okay.

[00:09:46] Nothing is ever worth thinking about.

[00:09:48] Nothing is worth spreading.

[00:09:51] Jane's awareness, early detection, saved, fragile, glass,

[00:09:58] wings, protected, healed, positive, flowing hair, wigs,

[00:10:05] neatness, serial, painted nails.

[00:10:10] What about toes?

[00:10:13] BAC, filler bunny, constantly full bladder,

[00:10:20] silly commode on a scale of 1 to 10, 5.

[00:10:25] Constant checkups.

[00:10:27] I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.

[00:10:31] I'm worth believing.

[00:10:33] GER, ZIM, special, happy.

[00:10:44] Saturday, May 26, 2001.

[00:10:48] I've just known this whole time that whatever is meant to be

[00:10:53] is meant to be.

[00:10:55] This is a test, a test that I can easily ace.

[00:11:00] I've forgotten how to think negative and in 12 days

[00:11:05] have changed my outlook on life completely.

[00:11:09] I don't allow any negative people, thoughts or energy

[00:11:14] in here.

[00:11:16] With the support of strangers in the hall,

[00:11:19] or with the loving hug of John or Sissy,

[00:11:23] or with a touching card from a stranger,

[00:11:26] I've been able to heal.

[00:11:29] During the chemo, I was sick once.

[00:11:32] During my stay here, I've cried only for the following reasons.

[00:11:37] One, long treatments of chemo could result in my loss of hearing.

[00:11:44] Two, I never realized how many people loved me

[00:11:49] until I was checked into this room.

[00:11:52] Three, my altar was upset for the second time, of course,

[00:11:59] but I'm over that now.

[00:12:02] Other than that, I've had no real reason to cry.

[00:12:07] So I have cancer.

[00:12:09] And what does that stop me from doing?

[00:12:12] I haven't felt pain for days.

[00:12:15] Cancer gave me cheekbones and an excuse to wear a strawberry wig.

[00:12:22] I get to spend time with my family, which was really rare before this.

[00:12:28] I'm getting a new bed when I get home.

[00:12:31] All things positive and light have resulted from the tiny bulbs

[00:12:37] that have decided to live in my liver and lungs.

[00:12:42] I have regained my faith in the supernatural

[00:12:46] and even in human nature.

[00:12:49] I've gone from having no real friends to having an army of them.

[00:12:55] I've gotten to see Nadia more times this week than I used to in one year.

[00:13:02] Everything is fine.

[00:13:04] Everything is healing.

[00:13:07] This entire process is healing everyone and everything it needs to.

[00:13:13] With every valley comes a mountain, lush and green.

[00:13:20] Cancer adds to the story of my individual life.

[00:13:25] It adds unique character and sense of humor.

[00:13:31] John in my eyes has never seemed more like a father.

[00:13:36] And Sissy has never seen undrafted and free from time and stress.

[00:13:42] I know that she's stressed right now.

[00:13:45] I can see it hiding beneath her smile,

[00:13:49] but her soul and spirit never seemed so bright to me before.

[00:13:56] Me, John and Sissy are one now.

[00:14:00] This has made us a family, support center and library of information on the liver.

[00:14:09] Cancer blessed me with these wonderful people and healers.

[00:14:15] It has incursed me with the end of a life.

[00:14:21] When Adrian passed on October 9th, 2001, the following were some of the comments made.

[00:14:30] May your soul come back in comfort.

[00:14:34] May your aches be forgotten in this life.

[00:14:39] Prayers to lift your soul higher.

[00:14:42] Prayers that the people who loved you here will heal with time.

[00:14:49] And here's another October 11th, 2001.

[00:14:55] Peaceful freedom to you.

[00:14:58] No longer in your body.

[00:15:00] I am touched by your words and from those who loved you.

[00:15:06] I feel lots of love right now.

[00:15:09] Namaste, Shannon.

[00:15:14] And on that note, we'll end this episode today.

[00:15:18] Thank you for listening and we sure hope you enjoyed this episode.

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[00:15:53] Next week, we'll have Christine Charek, attorney, executive, professor and author,

[00:16:02] who joins us to talk about her book, Tread Loudly.

[00:16:07] She'll dispel the myth of having it all and share some of her life's lessons with vulnerability and authenticity.

[00:16:16] So please join us.

[00:16:18] Thank you for being here today and for listening.

[00:16:22] Bye.